"Sarah Palin announced that she's gonna travel across the country on a bus to promote her new book. She'll be hard to miss 'cause it'll be the only bus on the road with a dead moose strapped on the hood." –Conan O'Brien

"During the middle of his show, Fox News commentator Glenn Beck was rushed to the hospital for an attack of appendicitis. Yeah. Apparently, Beck was crying and screaming incoherently, so his audience assumed everything was normal." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama says that his economic plan has saved or created one million new jobs. Well, one million and two if you count the jobs he created for governors of Virginia and New Jersey." –Jay Leno