Complicated story, with video.

"Well, tomorrow, John Edwards' wife, Elizabeth Edwards, a great woman, is going to be on 'Oprah.' How many of you are going to watch that? How many of would you rather see her beat the crap out of her husband on 'Jerry Springer?'" --Jay Leno

"John Edwards did not come off good in this thing. In fact, I understand he's now looking for a third America to hide out in." --Jay Leno

"Mexico's finance secretary says the swine flu outbreak is costing the Mexican economy 2.2 billion. The good news? That's in pesos, so it works out to, like, a buck eighty." --Jay Leno

"And former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice told a group of fourth graders that the Bush Administration never used torture to interrogate terrorist suspects. Condoleezza spoke to the fourth graders using simple, uncomplicated words that they could easily understand. Same way she explained it to President Bush." --Jay Leno

"Hey, today, Maine became the fifth state to legalize gay marriage and the first gay couple to get married? I was surprised: L.L. Bean and the old Pepperidge Farm guy." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama and Joe Biden made a surprise trip outside the White House yesterday for burgers. Obama ordered a cheeseburger and Biden asked for whatever comes with the toy." --Jimmy Fallon

"The government is now recommending that schools stay open even if they have a confirmed case of swine flu. I love it. In one week, the swine flu has gone from 'the end of the world' to 'not as bad as snow.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"I’ve only been to one book signing, and that was for some guy who wrote a book about haunted civil war battlefields. And I didn’t really “go” as much as I was, “getting coffee at the Starbucks inside Barnes and Noble and his little table was uncomfortably close to the end of the line.” And as I pretended to study the menu, he said, “Hey. Hi. Welcome.” And I said, “Oh. Hello.” And he glanced down at his stack of pristine books and nodded. And so I said, “Uh, haunted civil war battlefields, huh?” And he said, “Yeah, yeah that’s right. Ever been to any?” And I said, “No, I’m not … a ghost.” Thankfully the line moved after that.
I can’t remember why I thought that would be a good story, but the book signing in London yesterday for UK reality star Aisleyne’s new book had to be even more exciting, but only because most of her breast was hanging out for the majority of the night."

"Though the Duchess and I would often speak of seeing a Yankees game one day, somehow our ticket money was always being spent to build a cathedral or launch a fleet of ships. When we were given this opportunity, we thought, 'Well, what's one less cask of jewels in the treasury?'"

"Though they are one of the most legendary teams in sports, the Yankees have often struggled with the perception among the landed gentry that they are unfriendly to those who fall beneath the rank of Prince-Consort, are further back than 15th in line to the throne, or cannot trace their lineage back to Queen Boudicca"

Although he could just mean the "happy" kind.

I have no way to authenticate the pics, but whoever it is, she is one fine-lookin' woman.

He doesn't think that Star Trek will perform as well as Wolverine did last week, but those two films will certainly deliver a formidable 1-2 punch. They are expected to pull in about $100m between them, even with the anticipated 65-70% drop for Wolvie. I'm thinking it may go higher because of Star Trek's superlative reviews, which speak to those who would normally hate Star Trek movies.

Needless to say, Next Day Air will let lost in the shuffle.

• Star Trek: 94% positive reviews; 3500 theaters. Pretty sure you know what this is. Everyone loves it except Roger Ebert, who said the movie was fun, but "the Gene Roddenberry years, when stories might play with questions of science, ideals or philosophy, have been replaced by stories reduced to loud and colorful action."
  
• Adoration: 83% positive reviews; very few theaters. A real departure for cerebral arthouse hot-shot Atom Egoyan - a stoner comedy with Matthew McConaughey, Method Man, and Jack Black. OK, I'm lying. I don't really know what it is, but it is undoubtedly filled with existential mysteries, subtle nuances, reflections on the relationship between perspective and time, questions about the nature of truth and its relationship to cultural bias, profound meditations on the human condition, and other brilliant crap that nobody cares about when they buy a movie ticket.
  
• Next Day Air: No reviews; 1000 theaters. "When two bumbling criminals (Mike Epps and Wood Harris) accidentally receive a package of grade-A cocaine, they think they've hit the jackpot. But ..."
  

One tortoise is said to be 256 years old, which means she is older than the USA. That means she was born about the same time as Mozart, who celebrated his 250th birthday a couple of years ago. The turtle was actually born about three years before Mozart, and nearly 18 months before the beginning of Cher's farewell tour.

I assume he wants to impose some stiff penalties.

The Mets scored one run on a throwing error, and that was enough for Santana, whose ERA is now 0.91.

"Unless her plan is to work off the money she owes by blowing guys on tape. And if that’s the case, well then by all means go for it."

"President Obama spoke on the phone this weekend for 20 minutes with Mexican President Calderon on how to cooperate on fighting this swine flu thing. Afterwards, he said the people of America and Mexico have found common ground. I believe it's called Los Angeles." --Jay Leno

"The White House announced today that Vice President Joe Biden has laryngitis. Yeah. They said that he has a rare strain they hope lasts until 2012." --Jay Leno

"And today, President Barack Obama promised to 'detect and pursue' American tax evaders, as opposed to his first 100 days, in which he detected and nominated American tax evaders." --Jay Leno

"The economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, John Edwards is giving his mistress IOUs ... and Miss California went to a gay wedding just for the free food." --Jay Leno

"They say that swine flu is not as potent as they originally thought. You know, like the Yankee pitching staff." --David Letterman

"President Obama may choose a Supreme Court nominee by the end of the week. That's fast. Nothing against the President, but doesn't it worry you that it took him 10 times longer to decide on a dog?" --Craig Ferguson

"You'd think that with such small breasts, Claire Danes would have an easier time keeping them in check but that doesn't seem to be the case"

It has been done one other time, by the 1911 Tigers. You may have heard of their center fielder. Speedy guy, name o' Ty Cobb, who hit .420 that year. The Tigers started the season 21-2 overall.

To tell the truth, those old Tigers weren't really that good. They had Cobb and Sam Crawford, two of the three best hitters in the league (the other was Shoeless Joe Jackson), but they had the second-worst ERA in the league, and just didn't have enough pitching to compete with a great overall team fielded by the As. After all the fireworks died down, the Tigers could do no better than second place, and it was a distant second, 13 games back. In fact, embarrassingly enough, the As even managed to finish the season with a better home record, even though they started 1-4 to the Tigers' 12-0! Pitching ultimately won the day. The A's had a solid offense led by two Hall of Famers of their own (Home Run Baker and Eddie Collins), and they had three brilliant pitchers to the Tigers none. That trio would be Jack Coombs, the great Eddie Plank and Chief Bender, who went a combined 68-25. Jack Combs is the only one of the three not in the Hall of Fame, but he had quite a year in 1911. Not only did he win 28 games, but he hit .319, was used as a pinch-hitter, and had a better OPS than three of the eight fielders behind him!

Coombs and Plank were both college boys, real rarities in those roughneck days, and were nicknamed after the colleges they played for. Jack Coombs was Colby Jack. Eddie Plank was Gettysburg Eddie, reflecting the town where he was born, went to college, and eventually died. He also spent most of his career pitching for the Philadelphia team, so he didn't leave Pennsylvania much.

Anyway ... moral of the story: don't pencil in the Dodgers for the brass ring just yet.

"Ms. Foyler said that in recent days CNN had identified several cases of 'increasingly scary graphics and fonts' about swine flu during its news programs.
'These scary graphics are popping up everywhere in greater and greater numbers,' she said. 'These are signs that the swine flu coverage is growing more intense and virulent.' The CNN spokesperson said that news host Lou Dobbs had even taken time out from fear-mongering about immigration to fear-monger about swine flu: 'This is an unprecedented development.'"

With videos - and some damned good choices they are!

I dunno. It seems to me that if you choose to take a drive along something called The Death Road, that your demise is just nature's way of streamlining the gene pool.

Granted, Marcia Cross is a good enough looker, so Lindsay need not worry about the resemblance. What she needs to worry about is the fact that Marcia is 47, but Lindsay looks older.

"In the latest swine flu update, the Mexican government has told its citizens to stay home, to which Lou Dobbs said, 'I've been telling them that for years!'" --Jay Leno

"And up in Canada, Canadian officials are saying that a herd of pigs caught the swine flu from a human. They said the human involved is a pig farmer who recently visited Mexico. Well, good job by the Canadian customs officials catching that one. 'And where did you visit?' 'Mexico.' 'And what is your profession?' 'Pig farmer.' 'I see no problem. Come right in.'" --Jay Leno

"The number two movie in the country is the romantic comedy, 'The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past,' or as John Edwards calls it, 'a horror film.'" --Jay Leno

"Vincent van Gogh may have made up the whole story to protect his friend Gauguin, a keen fencer, who actually lopped it off with a sword during a heated argument. The historians say that the real version of events has never surfaced because the two men both kept a "pact of silence" - Gauguin to avoid prosecution and van Gogh in an effort trying to keep his friend with whom he was hopelessly infatuated."

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.

About the Authors:

• Jane Austen is the author of Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and other masterpieces of English literature.
  
• Seth Grahame-Smith once took a class in English literature. He lives in Los Angeles.
  

The French apparently spend some serious money making commericals. Titanic had a smaller budget than this. Not to mention a shorter running time.

Includes a special message from Conan.

Back when I was with 7-Eleven's marketing department, we did some promotions with the Cannonball Run films. I wasn't involved, but those who were said that DeLuise was the nicest guy ever. I think that stands as a better epitaph than anything I might write about his career achievements.

"The Early Report features the most detailed listings on the Internet of all films scheduled to be released in the upcoming four weeks, including actual and estimated screen counts, running times and ratings. This week's report covers 40 known new movies opening in theatres between Friday 5/8/09 and Friday 5/29/09, plus dozens more titles expanding their runs during this timeframe"

A guy I went to high school with, but didn't know very well, is the superintendent for the Outer Banks division of the US Forest Service. That lucky stiff has to have one of the best jobs on the planet!

"It's the first ShatnerCon with William Shatner as the guest of honor! But after a failed terrorist attack by Campbellians, a crazy terrorist cult that worships Bruce Campbell, all of the characters ever played by William Shatner are suddenly sucked into our world. Their mission: hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner."

And that's 6-0 with the Royals behind him! They are 9-11 in their other games, but Greinke has single-handedly pitched them to the top of their division. His ERA is 0.00 on the road. In 2005 this kid was 5-17 with an ERA close to 6.00. How does one go from Jose Lima to Walter Fucking Johnson in four years? I want to know, because I want to do that.

Speaking of the legendary Lima, he almost came up with a nearly unbeatable record for book-ending his career. In his first year in the majors he had a 13.50 ERA, and in his last year he had a 9.87. Has anyone with 1000+ innings pitched ever begun and ended with double figures? Some of Lima's other seasonal ERAs: 6.11, 5.28, 5.70, 6.65, 5.54, 7.77, 6.99.

"Well, here's the latest. The White House says, as of now, it is not contained. It could continue to get worse. And they were just talking about Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

"I think a lot of people are really overreacting to this whole swine flu thing. Don't you? Come on. Like today at Disney World, they quarantined Sneezy." --Jay Leno

"And Supreme Court Justice David Souter announced he is retiring next month. You know who's replacing him? I was surprised. Conan." --Jay Leno

"President Obama said this week he is worried that the country is losing its love of learning. You may have heard him say this. He said we need to show as much attention to science award winners as we do basketball players. Now, didn't he just install a basketball court in the White House? I guess the West Wing science lab is next on the list." --Jay Leno

"According to a poll on the Marie Claire website, they asked people what they would do to keep their job? Interesting. 28% said they would give up their office to keep their job. 27% said they would work fewer hours to keep their job. And 45% said they would move to 10:00." --Jay Leno

"Right now, I'm an hour away from a long, luxurious weekend of washing my hands every five minutes and loading my shotguns to fight off any swine flu zombies that might wander into the yard." --Jimmy Kimmel

Unfortunately, she was wearing underwear when it happened.

In other, more interesting news, I've just opened my newest Tio Skupi restaurant in Mexico City: Casa de Cochinos. All Mexican swine, all the time! ... And for a limited time only, free masks for the kids! (And, of course, the wrestlers.) ... Our business was down a bit over the weekend, but really picked up today with two appearances by the Virgin in Scoopy's Swine Sandwiches.

Larry Wilmore never thought a black guy in charge would take all the fun out of being black.

Note: not safe for work. There is no difference between these and "topless." Having noted that, I'll add that when you get to a safe plce, these are a must-see.

Your choices in a restaurant: smoking or chain smoking.

Pretty weird. Not that she's topless, but that she has quite a belly. Check out that last picture.

"Retailers seemed to generally respect the decision. “That is all we care about,” added one executive. 'Not only do you have the difference in price, but retailers can buy either version.'"

However, "Fox has been having issues with their decision recently, and is even considering dissolving their DVD class separation."

The article examines some of the technical and legal problems involved with the order and its execution.

In 1937, I, Claudius was nearly turned into a movie directed by von Sternberg and starring Charles Laughton. The project was halted, ostensibly because Merle Oberon (Messalina) had an auto accident, although others have said that the Oberon excuse was expedient. Supposedly, the film was shaping up as a disaster and producer Alexander Korda was just looking for any excuse to get out of the project and cut his losses. The rushes from the film were cobbled together for a BBC documentary, 'The Epic That Never Was.'

"Megan Fox was born Mitchell Reed Fox in Rockwood, Tennessee. From an early age, Mitchell showed an interest in both performing and women’s clothing."

The unimpeachable source of this scoop? 12-time Salzberg Prize winners, Weekly World News. They are the only organization to have won more Salzberg Prizes than Other Crap.

By the way, my coverage of this scandal has earned me the coveted Salzberg Prize for the most outstanding link of the week, as published in the prestigious International Journal of Online Reportage.

Великая Отечественная Война, as photographed by the Russkies.

You have to admire ol' Simon Cowell. The guy knows precisely how to milk this cow.

CC did not show a lot of respect for Varitek's arm.

Crawford is on pace for 106 SB. His personal high is 59.

The six steals ties the major league record held by Eric Young, Otis Nixon, and Eddie Collins. Collins is the only guy to have done it twice, and he did them both in the same year! (He finished with 63 that year.)

Collins is a 3000-hit man with 744 lifetime stolen bases, a lifetime .333 hitter, one of the top four second basemen of all time, and a member of the Black Sox. (Collins, a straight arrow college man and a guy who hated to lose, was totally clean in the World Series scandal. The conspirators would never have considered approaching him to lose on purpose.)

There is no real dispute about the identities of the four greatest second basemen, but there is some controversy over their precise rank. Total Baseball ranks them 1. Lajoie 2. Hornsby 3. Collins 4. Morgan, and all are in the top 20 players of all time. Bill James's Win Shares ranks them 1. Collins 2. Morgan 3. Hornsby 4. Lajoie, and once again they are all in the top 20 players of all time. You can pretty much take any one of the four and defend his selection as the very best.

The Associated Press is always right there on top of things. The article is dated May 2, but check this out: "The theft happened months ago, but Disselkoen says he was reluctant to discuss it."

The polce finally lured the creature out of the closet after determining that it was not John Travolta.

There are no major surprises. The week was almost even with the same week last year, and Wolverine performed approximately as expected, which is to say very well. It was among the top 20 opening weekends of all time, and beat X-Men 2 (opening weekend $86m, final total $214m), although it fell short of X-Men 3 (opening weekend $103, final total $234).

You can expect a big drop-off for Wolverine next week, and not just because it will be up against Star Trek. The X-men series is notoriously front-loaded, even more so than the Harry Potter films. The last two X-Men movies have the lowest total grosses of all the films which amassed the top 20 opening weekends.

The McConaughey romcom performed below expectations, which may be an indication that his pact with Satan has expired.

Battle for Terra grossed about a million dollars, which missed the top ten, but was better than I expected. (It doubled Delgo in total gross and quadrupled it in average per theater.)

“We are here to say that we are on to your games, porkers, and while you have sickened more than a few dozen people, we will fight you to the death and eat you in victory,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky said in a written statement addressed to “Failed Pig Overlords.”

“It is clear that the pigs are seeking revenge for centuries of satiating humans with their delicious meat, succulent innards, and general finger-lickin’ good suckling roasted piglets”

A noted advocate of libertarian reforms, Kemp was the losing vice-presidential candidate in 1996 against Clinton/Gore, and a former secretary of HUD.

Prior to that, he was the Bills' starting QB for six seasons, and the AFL's MVP in 1965.

Obscure trivia: Kemp tried to break into the NFL for three years before he hid paydirt with the AFL. He managed to get in 18 pass attempts in three years, all for the Steelers. You can probably win some bar bets with that knowledge.

Even more obscure trivia: Kemp was on the Giants' "taxi squad" roster in 1958 during the "Greatest Game Ever Played," but was their third-string QB and never took the field in that game or any other for the Giants. The Giants had an unbelievable organization in those days. Their offensive co-ordinator was Vince Lombardi, and their defensive co-ordinator was Tom Landry! Their stars included future TV personalities Frank Gifford and Pat Sumerall. They lost that game in OT to the Colts of Johnny U, Raymond Berry, Lenny Moore and fullback Alan Ameche, who scored the winning TD by bulldozing through a goal-line stand with his shoulder down. The final result made the game seem close, but it was not. The Colts dominated the game, but failed to put the ball across the line in the second half. They had 27 first downs to New York's 10, and their defense forced Gifford to make two key fumbles.

OK, I know she's supposed to be a virgin, but doesn't she have to give birth as such before she can start appearing on breakfast items?

I dropped five large on the triathlete at 50-1, but he only got through one bite.

"I'm glad you're all in a good mood, but I'm a little bummed out today because I made a bad investment. So stupid! I opened a Chrysler dealership in Mexico City." --Jay Leno

"And the big political story, of course, is that 79-year-old Senator Arlen Specter has switched parties. Other senators are talking about jumping ship as well. There's talk John McCain may go back to the Federalist Party." --Jay Leno

"Thousands of women in Kenya have vowed to withhold sex until their nation's leaders stop their bickering. The women said they got the idea after a recent visit by Hillary Clinton." --Jay Leno

"It's happening more and more. The New Hampshire Senate now has passed a bill that would legalize same-sex marriage in New Hampshire. So, New Hampshire could go from the Granite State to the Tasteful Marble Countertop State." --Jay Leno

"I guess in the world of politics that's very exciting, Specter switching from the Republican Party to the Democrats. But what would be really cool for me is if I could just get my mom to switch from Leno." --David Letterman

Wolverine opens strong, as expected, with $35m on Friday. McConaughey runs a distant second with $6m. Battle for Terra, as expected, is in Delgo territory. (It will finish about even with Delgo, but is actually doing twice as well because it is taking in the same gross from half as many theaters.)

"Slightly gayer than the Vin Diesel version"

"A 1944 United States animated cartoon. Made during World War II, it mocks Adolf Hitler, the leader of enemy Nazi Germany, showing him defeated by 'Gremlins from the Kremlin' symbolizing the Soviet Union, at the time America's vital ally in the war."

"After Falling Hare turned into a big hit in 1943, cartoon writer and director Bob Clampett made another Wartime cartoon involving gremlins. This Merrie Melodie was released to theaters on May 20, 1944. The original title of this cartoon was Gremlins from the Kremlin, but producer Leon Schlesinger changed the title to 'Russian Rhapsody' when Disney began making its own wartime short about Gremlins, and asked other studios not to produce films about them. In Falling Hare, Bugs Bunny was the victim, whilst in this short the victim (and main character) was Adolf Hitler."

This is not a spoof. "The Federal Emergency Management Agency has removed a children's coloring book from its web site following criticism over its inclusion of drawings of the September 11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center." FEMA has now removed the item from its website, but The Smoking Gun has a copy you can download.

This was no cheapie. He pitched seven scoreless innings, struck out nine, allowed only four hits. It now appears that Tom Glavine will NOT be the last 300 game winner.

The Giants have won 9 of their last 12 despite a weak offense which has scored the fewest runs in the majors! Their pitchers have not allowed more than five runs in that streak, which includes two 2-0 victories and a 1-0.

The Pirates (!!) and the Giants are now 1-3 in the NL in pitching, despite mediocre records of 11-11 and 11-10.

In the AL, the top three teams in ERA are the Mariners, Royals and As. WTF?? Of course, that pitching hasn't helped the As much. They are 8-11 despite their 3.71 ERA, presumably because they are dead last in the league in runs scored, and by a very wide margin. They have scored 86 runs and no other team in the AL has scored fewer than 100.

The best offense in baseball so far? The surprising Blue Jays.

"Hey, have you all started making your summer vacation plans? I'm not sure what to do this year. I'm stuck between a Somali cruise or a trip to a Mexican pig farm." --Jay Leno

"Seventy-nine-year-old Arlen Specter is now switching to the Democratic Party, which is a big loss for Republicans. You know, when they lose that young blood, it hurts." --Jay Leno

"The economy is so bad that today, the White House flew a Southwest plane over the Statue of Liberty." --Jay Leno

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Arlen Specter Switched Parties (examples):

• Heard the Democratic lounge's vending machine had Nutrageous bars.
  
• GOP wouldn't give him the day off to attend Heidi and Spencer's wedding.
  

Pujols: single, double, homer. Business as usual.

In his first 4661 at bats, Pujols is hitting .334 with 327 homers, 1005 RBI, OBP .426, Slug .625.

In Joe DiMaggio's first 4481 at bats (end of 1946 season), he was hitting an identical .334 with a nearly identical 1025 RBI, but with only 244 homers, and his OBP and slugging were "only" .399/.596.

Pujols just turned 29, but those were DiMaggio's stats on his 32nd birthday because he lost three full seasons to WW2. The great DiMag had only two and a half more good seasons left in the tank, plus one poor season that told him it was time to retire. It seems safe to say that Phat Albert has much more gas in the tank.

DiMaggio did have two significant individual achievements which Pujols has not matched. The first is obvious. The big 56. The other is Dimaggio's 400+ total bases in 1937. Pujols has come close to 400 twice, but no cigar. There have been only 29 individual seasons in baseball history with 400+ total bases. Lou Gehrig has five of them, Chuck Klein three. Nobody else has more than two, not even Babe Ruth, although Ruth does hold the all-time record at 457. The post-war record is held by Stan Musial, who had 429 in 1948.

Sidebar to the sidebar: Musial went nuts in 1948. He batted .376, led the league in doubles and triples, and missed by one homer! He also lad the league in every other important offensive category you can think of, except stolen bases and walks. Stasiu was always a great player - hell, he hit .330 when he was 41 years old, and they didn't call him "The Man" for nothing - but in 1948 he was supernaturally good. I remember well that he was virtually worshipped as a god by the Polish community in my home town of Rochester, where he played some 50 games during the 1941 season before the Cards called him up. Back in the day when scholastic ball was not considered adequate training for the pros, Musial spent parts of four seasons in the minors, starting at age 17. Even Mickey Mantle, who was considered a prodigy and a sure-fire major leaguer, put in a full year in D ball and another in C ball.

(The site devoted to nudity in French cinema.)

I'm going to pass on this one, and rest up for next Saturday, which is free hooker day.

"So to recap, that ugly dyke won’t take her back, she hopes to get an acting job six months from now, and she’s heard of the producer Farrell. How exactly is any of that great? She might as well say she has plans to be a Supreme Court Justice, or a mighty oak."

Of all the cities I have seen personally, Hong Kong is the most impressive at night. (And one of the most intimidating.)

She's the patron saint of a warm, nutritious, albeit somewhat greasy breakfast, and sworn enemy of Satan, the Father of Fries.

You probably remember that prayer: "Hail Mary, full of grease."

And while you're worshipping, why not try a tasty BVM BLT?

Among the pilgrims were some masked Mexican wrestlers (pictured worshipping, with their masks on). 'This is amazing. It's a true miracle,' said Mr. Tempest.

Ever since Mil Mascaras retired, Mr Tempest is recognized by Holy Mother Church as the supreme authority and final judge of legitimate miracles.

The big advantage of being a Mexican wrestler with a face mask? Extra protection against Swine Flu!

"... the griddle with the image has been retired from service in the kitchen and put on display in a storage room."

Other possibilities: Metternich, Richelieu and/or Pere Joseph, Livia (wife of Augustus), Dick Cheney.

Lots of posters, trailers, etc.

Missing from the list: Glitter.

How? Well, by the strangest of coincidences, his brother is a honcho at People magazine.