"Well, looks like this guy was having financial problems as well. Turns out his house was in foreclosure. See, apparently the Taliban does not pay very well. And not to mention, no benefits. Who would take a job as a car bomber where they tell you, you have to use your own car? That's unbelievable." –Jay Leno

"If any job should give you a company car, it's the car bomb business." –Jay Leno

"I don't understand the United Nations. They have selected Iran to sit on the U.N.'s women's rights panel. Iran! Also on the panel — Ben Roethlisberger, Chris Brown, Phil Spector, Robert Blake and committee chairman O.J. Simpson." –Jay Leno

"Oddly, Cinco de Mayo is more popular here than in Mexico. Cinco de Mayo to us is what David Hasselhoff is to Germany." –Jimmy Kimmel