Before this weekend, the highest gross for a March weekend was $70M. Alice took in $116 million. (The rest of the top 12 took in about $70M added together.) To add some perspective, Avatar took in "only" $77 million in its first weekend. Forget about March. Alice had the #6 weekend of all time - for any month.

Brooklyn's Finest will be a respectable if distant 2nd or possibly 3rd, depending on the final numbers. It took in some $13.5M, which is better than it appears to be, because the film was in fewer than 2000 theaters. (Alice, for example, is in 3700.)

Add to the list W.C. Minor, the homocidal lunatic who was responsible for much of the success of the Oxford English Dictionary, having worked on it steadily for some 40 years of incarceration. Quick reference.

"Salvador Dali was a Spanish-born Surrealist painter. Comprising roughly 70 percent genius, 30 percent batshit-insanity, and 100 percent awesome mustache, his work has influenced a number of artists who like to paint things that look like dicks."

Ya gotta love this guy. He's the guy who really understands "the big lie," in the Goebbels sense of the word. For a while there he was claiming that his "Israel must be wiped off the map" statement was a mistranslation. That's pretty hilarious to begin with since he doesn't know English well enough to know whether the expression was a correct translation of his meaning, but more important, it wasn't a translation at all. It was the official English-language version of his speech published by The Islamic Republic News Agency, Iran's official propaganda arm, and it was sitting on their website - in exactly those words - while he was accusing the west of misrepresenting him! Goebbels always preached that no matter how evident something is, if you just deny it vast numbers of people will believe you.

"Newton Marshall trained for sled-dog racing with stray mutts pulling a sled on wheels through the streets of Jamaica. Now he's poised to begin the grueling Iditarod."

It's no joke. He's pretty damned good at it, especially considering his lack of experience. He finished 13th in the Yukon Quest in his first try. Most rookies don't finish that race at all.

His key sponsor: Jimmy Buffett.

Two different movies. The "worst" award was for All About Steve. She also shared the Razzie for Worst Screen Couple, from the same movie.

"Unlike most Razzie honorees, Bullock showed up to collect the award, dragging a cart of DVDs to hand out to members whom she accused of never seeing the dud movie. 'Thank you for ruining my career with a very bad decision,' Bullock told the group, while threatening to read her dialogue from the role 'until 4 in the morning.' The actress played a socially awkward designer of newspaper crosswords, who falls in love with a cameraman (Bradley Cooper) and stalks him."

And it was that close only because Duke coasted. It was 53-26 at halftime.

"Each issue appears just as it did at its original time of publication, complete with period advertisements. And today we're excited to announce you can browse the full archive right here on PopSci.com."

"In Berlin - and on live television - armed robbers raided the Hyatt hotel that was hosting a European Poker Tournament event and left with a reported €1 million. Inside, video of the panic that ensued as the robbery happened."

Here's one that should have made the list as a perfect example of mid-70s insanity. The White Sox wear shorts.

And why not? He attended Detroit schools!

You're not impressed? You would be if you considered the seasonality issue. The previous record for a Friday in March was held by 300 - at a mere $28m! Alice ranks #7 among all Fridays in history, and that includes Fridays in May, June, July, Thanksgiving week, Christmas week, you name it. This movie just plain kicked ass. It was expected to take in as much as the next nine added together. It actually took in TWICE as much as the next nine added together!

Brooklyn's Finest opened with a respectable $5m on Friday, good enough for a (very, very distant) second.

"There were plenty of celebs on hand at the 25th Annual Film Independent Spirit Awards, including Ben Stiller, who joked winningly about the strangeness of being named Honorary Chair of the event since the last time he made an indie was the mid-90s. Then he invited some porn stars on stage with him, which was sorta weird and distracting."

"People who shouldn't sing "Cherry Bomb" while writhing around on the floor: The Queen Mum, Martha Stewart, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Mario Batali, and Dakota Fanning."

Ah, the French! Forever discussing the great philosophical issues.

Correct answer: she should not wear a bra or any other clothing. Next question ...

"In other news, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin offered this appraisal of her standup comedy performance on The Tonight Show: 'I was like, I'm not going to quit my day job, but then I remembered I already did.'"

SEC official: "Morton's self-proclaimed psychic powers were nothing more than a scam."

Oh, that SEC - brilliantly calculating that a psychic is a fraud. Can you slip nothing past their vigilant gaze?

He's already swindled more than 100 investors. I guess the feds had to move slowly because, after all, he might have been a real psychic.

Shouldn't be too hard to convict the guy. If he were a real psychic he would now be snorkeling in the Maldives, having foreseen the feds at the door.

Wait a minute - I may have spoken too soon on that Maldives thing ... "Morton couldn't be located Thursday for comment, and there were no phone numbers publicly listed in the area where he is said to reside."

I propose a national cry-off: Glenn Beck vs. Favre vs. that "Leave Britney Alone" dude.

I already ordered all five because if one yacht is Scoopy Island, then five is Scoopy Archipelago, and a personal archipelago has always been my dream.

Gosh, he seems like such a nice man. Truly a gentle spirit.

Never say never. It all depends on their career trajectories. Ten years ago Angie Everhart was playing the wholersome card ala Alba and said she would never do a nude scene. Five years later she was doing cheesy grade-Z softcore sex scenes. And that wasn't even for megabucks. Throw multi millions at them and they may tend to reconsider. Of the ones listed here, you can bet that Christina Applegate will never do nudity for a tragic reason. Anything else is negotiable.

"Tonight, Jon Stewart finally - and hilariously - jumped on the Chatroulette bandwagon. Stewart mocked the media's obsession with the Internet's newest fad, before trying it out himself—and running into Diane Sawyer, Keith Olbermann, Katie Couric, Brian Williams and more."

"We're gonna need a bigger stone."

I support them. I believe that they should be allowed to stand on the edge of his pool and throw stones at him. That process will also help them understand a little more about Darwin, specifically how the concept of "survival of the fittest" operates in nature.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think he liked it:

"I don't care how many orifices you have, Cop Out will fuck you in all of them. Your ass, mouth, nostrils, between your toes. You got pierced ears? Expect to find director Kevin Smith's dick in them before you get out of the theater. Doing that requires a shitload more accuracy and effort than he put into this monumentally lazy, bowel-voiding turd of a movie. Don't pay money to see it. Treat it as my first-grade teacher had the other students treat me when I wet my pants in class: put it in the corner, ignore it and denigrate it until it goes away in shame.

"Toward the end of the movie there is a shootout at a bad guy's house that is, apparently taking place at night. Or so it would seem from the outside. Yet, inside, the bad guy is terrorizing a woman while sunlight streams through a window behind him. That sort of gaffe is almost understandable, though, since Cop Out has no sense of time. A scene during the day suddenly turns to night, or vice versa, a couple of times without a dusk or dawn or any indication of the time of day. In a motel room scene where it looks like Bruce Willis is trying to escape the movie, he stands by the door for a long time. The latch behind him magically goes from closed to open back to closed. This isn't a fucking Ed Wood movie. This is a piece of shit Warner Brothers expects us to pay $10 a head to see. Yet nobody could fix shit like this? Or, rather, no editor, director or producer cared to? Fuck all of them."

I could go on and on about the shitty laziness and incompetence of Cop Out: the by-the-single-digit-numbers direction; the awkward pauses; the gaffes; and the labored, drawn-out dialog. Hopefully, though, you get the point. That is, this is one fucking shitty piece of crap that needs to be ignored and shamed until it goes away. I can only hope it puts the final nail in the crummy career of the fat-ass, under-talented and over-persistent hack Kevin Smith. He's a fucking blight."

I haven't seen it. For the record, it scores 19% on the Tomatometer and Roger Ebert gave it 1.5 stars. Ebert said:

"If you combine the enthusiasms of a geek with the toilet humor of a third grader, you'll be pretty close to defining the art of Kevin Smith. When the muse visits him, Smith gets inspired and makes fun movies. Alas, "Cop Out" is not one of those movies. "Cop Out" tells your standard idiotic story about buddy cops who screw up, get suspended by the captain and redeem themselves.

A lot of the dialogue is intended as funny, but man, is it lame. Many of the gags possibly looked good on paper, but watching Willis and Morgan struggle with them is like watching third graders do Noel Coward, if Noel Coward had been rewritten by Kevin Smith."

Scoop's note: Kevin did not write the film. You can blame him for other things, but if the writing sucks you have to blame two guys named Mark and Robb Cullen.

"Representative Charles Rangel, the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, has temporarily surrendered his post pending an ethics investigation. They've been investigating him for three months now. And so far, they have not found a single trace of ethics." Jay Leno

"Scientists in Britain have developed a new camera that can identify a terrorist by the shape of their nose. Yeah, it's all part of the new technology called 'racism.'" Jimmy Fallon

"A new report found that a line of cocaine is now cheaper than a cup of coffee. Although, if you're choosing to snort coke instead of drinking coffee in the morning, it was never really about the money, was it?" Jimmy Fallon

"I dare you to watch and not be entertained by its awesomeness."

For the record, Blows is her last name.

I know. I know.

And by "distracted" they mean he was fuckin' 'er.

"Every year, Hollywood dances around and pretends that it cares about art and then, come summer, they greenlight a $100 million Weekend at Bernie's remake starring Amy Adams and Optimus Prime."

Perhaps because he has spent a lot of time in airline toilets.

(He won't actually be playing a Smurf, if you really care.)

"When you think of major gambling heists, most people will imagine the action scenes from Ocean 11 with criminals striking big Vegas style casinos. However there has been a rising trend in career criminals planning heists that target bingo halls."

And if that doesn't work? The comfy chair!!!

Cancel that NBC funeral. Happy days are here again.

In other words, it will be a detective show about a guy with a completely different personality from Jim Garner, but they will call him Jim Rockford to suck in a few visitors. And maybe he'll make a guest appearance on The Marriage Ref.

"Thanks to a ballot-stuffing campaign by Craig Ferguson's Twitter followers and his Robot Skeleton Army, Ferguson has now surged into the lead."

Wait until Colbert finds out! He'll have more votes than there are people in the world.

"President Bush said today he often turned to prayer during his presidency. As did we all." Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney is a good-looking Republican from Massachusetts. He's like Scott Brown, but with pants." David Letterman

"President Obama yesterday had his annual physical. Apparently everything is all right. Earlier today, former Vice President Dick Cheney went in for his annual autopsy." David Letterman

"Well, as you may have heard, former Vice President Dick Cheney is doing fine after suffering his fifth heart attack. He is like the Apolo Ohno of heart attacks." Jay Leno

"Now how about this? Dick Cheney had his fifth heart attack. He's O.K., resting comfortably. And the doctor, after they made the diagnosis, stamped his card and the sixth one is free." David Letterman

"Gatorade has officially ended their relationship with Tiger Woods. He was seeing at least five other sports drinks." Jay Leno

"People magazine has confirmed that former President Clinton called Tiger Woods to offer his support during the ordeal. It reminds me of the time President Bush called Homer Simpson after Homer stapled his face to a doughnut." Jimmy Kimmel

"Keanu Reeves will star in 'Speed 3.' The first 'Speed' was about a runaway bus, the second was about a boat, and the third one is going to be about a Toyota." Jay Leno

"Bobsledding is the only sport that shows us what it's like to drive a Toyota." Jimmy Fallon

"I love the biathlon. That's the sport that involves skiing and shooting the rifle. Or as Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, call it, 'date night.'" Jay Leno

"Ronald Neilly was working at an International House of Pancakes in Hallandale, Florida one Sunday morning when he accidentally cut off a fingertip while preparing an order. Neilly, 35, was immediately rushed to a local hospital by Department of Fire Rescue workers. But the severed fingertip--nail intact--could not be located by his fellow kitchen employees.

Until, of course, it soon turned up in the fried chicken green salad being consumed by Nadine Robinson."

At no extra charge, I might add.

"Some Southern California cities fine residents for watering their lawns too much during droughts. But in Orange, officials are locked in a legal battle with a couple accused of violating city ordinances for removing their lawn in an attempt to save water.

The dispute began two years ago, when Quan and Angelina Ha tore out the grass in their frontyard. In drought-plagued Southern California, the couple said, the lush grass had been soaking up tens of thousands of gallons of water -- and hundreds of dollars -- each year. The couple said they had reduced their water usage from 299,221 gallons in 2007 to 58,348 gallons in 2009.

They said they were trying to do something good for the environment."

And THAT was their first mistake!

Additional story.

This is actually the old part of the town of Balestrino, Italy. (See Google Map below.) This site says that it was founded before the 11th century and was finally abandoned in 1953 because of "geological instability." Only the old section of the town was abandoned. There are about 500 people living nearby in a newer part of town.

I dunno. He had Palin and she did stand-up. Even Carson Daly could pull good numbers with that feature. Palin's family would watch. That alone would be larger than Daly's usual audience.

The only preparation she still needs is to learn those pesky consonants!

Hey, it was "bring your child to work day." I used to let my kids pour Slurpees.

(Note: they were not self-service in those days.)

The long, sad saga of Cuba Gooding.

They have two great suggestions: Michael Cera as Gilligan and Christina Hendricks as Ginger.

How about Jessica Alba as Mary Anne and Edward Norton as the professor. Hugh Grant and Julianne Moore as the Howells. I like John Goodman as the skipper. I also believe Jeff Bridges should play The Dude as an eighth castaway, just because any movie is improved by The Dude, including The Passion of the Christ.

Especially The Passion of the Christ.

Alice in Wonderland: 66% positive reviews; 3400 theaters

Brooklyn's Finest: 30% positive reviews; 1800 theaters.

Disney's Alice in Wonderland, directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp, is the 900-pound gorilla in the room. Warrior predicts it will do $74 million - far more than the rest of the top ten added together.

Brooklyn's Finest, a cop drama from Antoine Fuqua, is not expected to do much at all. Warrior forecasts $8 million.

"The 918 Spyder prototype is the German carmaker's offering to the growing market for hybrid cars that combine an internal combustion engine with electric propulsion, dramatically slashing the amount of greenhouse gasses the car emits.

Porsche unveiled its creation at the 2010 Geneva Motor Show. It claims the car has a top speed of 320 km/h but uses just three litres of fuel for every 100 kilometres - equivalent to 94 miles per imperial gallon.

'We are a sports car manufacturer and that means it's about driving fast – but at the same time about cutting pollution and conserving natural resources,' Porsche chief Michael Macht said according to the website of news magazine Der Spiegel.

Critically, the Spyder emits an average of just 70 grammes of carbon dioxide, the firm claims. According to Britain's Department for Transport, the third-generation Toyota Prius – the best-known hybrid car – emits 89 g/km.

Many conventional supercars, including models made by Ferrari and Lamborghini, emit between 400g and 500g of carbon per kilometre."

It's a dry scholarly tract (so filled with strong arguments that I bookmarked it!), but the highlights are:

"Objections to erotic materials are often made on the basis of supposed actual, social or moral harm to women. No such cause and effect has been demonstrated with any negative consequence. It is relevant to mention here that a temporal correlation between pornography and any effect is a necessary condition before one can rationally entertain the idea that there is a positive statistical correlation between pornography and any negative effect. Nowhere has such a temporal association been found."

"What does correlate highly with sex offense is a strict, repressive religious upbringing ... rapists were more likely than nonrapists in the prison population to have been punished for looking at pornography while a youngster, while other research has shown that incarcerated nonrapists had seen more pornography, and seen it at an earlier age, than rapists. Both rapists and child molesters use less pornography than a control group of 'normal' males."

"In every region investigated, researchers have found that as pornography has increased in availability, sex crimes have either decreased or not increased."

"There is no doubt that some people have claimed to suffer adverse effects from exposure to pornography - just look at testimony from women's shelters, divorce courts and other venues, but there is no evidence it was the cause of the claimed abuse or harm."

The article also says that there is no justification for the claim by anti-porn feminists and others that the eradication or censorship of pornography will reduce sexism or violence against women. "If there were any evidence that this [was] true, anti-censorship feminists - myself included - would be compelled at least to reexamine our opposition to censorship, but there is no such evidence to be found."

"CNN has lost more than half its audience in the past year and is now running in fifth place among cable news networks -- behind not only Fox and MSNBC but also HLN and CNBC -- in the demo ratings"

Anderson Cooper's show is watched by about the same number of people who read this blog. Ouch!

I watched some of Anderson's extremely detailed and prolonged coverage of Haiti, and I got bored with it at about the time the other networks moved on. I thought at the time: "Very noble of him to keep the world aware of this. And very stupid - a financial disaster."

The FBI files on the guy who mailed the anthrax letters, who committed suicide in 2008.

First night back. Might not mean much.

"The perch are common throughout northern Australia. That's all very well, but the nearest river is 326 miles away from Lajamanu. It seems there is a natural explanation, albeit utterly unlikely. Meteorologists say conditions were perfect for a tornado in the region which could have sucked the fish up to 50,000 ft into the air from lakes hundreds of miles away."

Some thirty years ago (1976 Innsbruck), the Soviet Union once took 13 golds of only 37 available. This year Russia won three golds out of 86.

Prime Minister Vladimir Putin said that "of course, we expected more from our team," but their loss is no reason to "beat ourselves with chains." President Medvedev was not so charitable: "Those responsible should take the brave decision and sign a letter (of resignation). If they can't we will help them. We must drastically change the training of our athletes."

By the way, in that same 1976 Olympiad, East Germany won 7 golds, so the commie boys took more than half of the golds.

"At the end of all of this, Obama says, he doesn't think that he can reach a deal with the Republicans. You're just figuring that out now? I keep telling you, Barry, they're not that into you. Obama's like a guy in college who wastes a whole year trying to hit on Ellen DeGeneres." Bill Maher

"The Olympic Games were fun, but there were some high-profile mistakes, come on. Admit it. Like the terrible decision to let Toyota design the luge." Bill Maher

"Bernie Madoff's daughter-in-law, Stephanie Madoff, is changing her name. She says the Madoff name is tainted with scandal and she wants a name with less negative connotation. She is now known as Stephanie bin Laden." Craig Ferguson

"Growing up, I didn't eat much cereal because my family didn't have very much money. We didn't have Fruity Pebbles, we had actual pebbles." Craig Ferguson

"The whole East Coast is covered in snow right now. Millions of people are unable to get to where they used to work." Jimmy Kimmel

Some captures, some film clips, and some gossip.

Interesting (and kinda surprising) points: (1) Letterman's show made more money than Tonight even when Tonight was #1 in the ratings; (2) Colbert's revenues took a tumble last year; (3) Chelsea Lately is the only show that improved in 2009!

"Say, Tiger, you won't be needing that black book any more, will ya?"

Can you believe another month has passed. There are only 34 more days (It's on April 4th this year.)

I heard a rumor than some other countries have gotten penis envy and are instituting Giant Penis Days of their own. I think most of them are rip-offs, like Giant Green Irish Penis Day, but I am considering attending Giant Brown Swiss Penis Day because the giant chocolate penis is going to come out of a cuckoo clock every hour.