He now has 261 lifetime wins. On his 30th birthday, Moyer had a lifetime record of 34-54 and had not won a game in two years (no wins in 1992 or 1991). If you offered to bet someone that he'd reach 250 wins, you could have gotten 100-to-one odds or better. Good thing to remember when you build that time machine.

"Well, looks like this guy was having financial problems as well. Turns out his house was in foreclosure. See, apparently the Taliban does not pay very well. And not to mention, no benefits. Who would take a job as a car bomber where they tell you, you have to use your own car? That's unbelievable." –Jay Leno

"If any job should give you a company car, it's the car bomb business." –Jay Leno

"I don't understand the United Nations. They have selected Iran to sit on the U.N.'s women's rights panel. Iran! Also on the panel — Ben Roethlisberger, Chris Brown, Phil Spector, Robert Blake and committee chairman O.J. Simpson." –Jay Leno

"Oddly, Cinco de Mayo is more popular here than in Mexico. Cinco de Mayo to us is what David Hasselhoff is to Germany." –Jimmy Kimmel

Visitor Hannah Taylor, 24, from London, said: "I walked in and thought I was in the wrong room."

"Christ, 50, of Belchertown, was taken to Cooley Dickinson Hospital."

"A Transportation Security Administration screener is facing an assault rap after he allegedly beat a co-worker who joked about the size of the man's genitalia after he walked through a security scanner."

"We found stool in his colon which had been there for four or five months."

"Summer 2010-- Prepare for a Flood of Crap."

Others: Donatella Versace, Mickey Rourke ... top ten at link

It seems that Vlad Guerrero has much more gas in the tank than enyone expected. He's hitting .340 and is 3rd in the league in RBI. If he stays anywhere near that level, the Rangers will have gotten a tremendous bargain.

"For fans and scholars of the silent-film era, the search for a copy of the original version of Fritz Lang’s 'Metropolis' has become a sort of holy grail. One of the most celebrated movies in cinema history, 'Metropolis' had not been viewed at its full length — roughly two and a half hours — since shortly after its premiere in Berlin in 1927, when it was withdrawn from circulation and about an hour of its footage was amputated and presumed destroyed. But on Friday Film Forum in Manhattan will begin showing what is being billed as 'The Complete Metropolis,' with a DVD scheduled to follow later this year, after screenings in theaters around the country. So an 80-year quest that ranged over three continents seems finally to be over."

Why did those 13 excuse themselves? Too controversial? Conflict of interest?

I guess they just felt too much pressure from the powerful horse-fucking lobby.

Very true. The only reason this wasn't included as the 11th Amendment in the Bill of Rights is that everyone wore saggy pants in 1791, nobody questioned that, and the founding fathers could not foresee that things would ever be any other way.

Most people don't realize that the American Civil War was not really fought between slave states and free states, but between belt states and saggy pants states. While our age has looked back with our own perspectives and thus elevated slavery to the level of the ultimate civil rights abuse, people of that time felt that it was better to be a slave than to be forced to wear high-waisted pants.

Lots of brand new material from Charlie's French Cinema/TV nudity site this week!

Robin was probably the best pitcher of the early 50s. Starting with the Whiz Kids' pennant season of 1950, he rattled off six consecutive 20-win seasons, peaking at 28 in 1952, with his ERA never exceeding 3.28. His 28 victories that one year represented the highest seasonal win total of the 1950s.

He led the league in wins every year from 1952-55, never dipping below 23, and also led the league in complete games five consecutive years. And he did that pitching for mediocre teams. When number 36 did not start, the Phillies during those four years were: 58-59; 59-55; 54-62; 54-62.

He had only one World Series start, a 10-inning complete game in which he allowed only one run in regulation time, but was let down by his teammates's lack of offense. (The Whiz Kid Phillies had only three RBI in the entire World Series!) Story of his career. He won 286 games pitching for mostly crappy teams. If he had been a Yankee or a Dodger, he might have won 30-40 more, plus a bunch in the World Series.

Funny. It reminds me of the pop culture parodies of the early National Lampoon, which I miss.

Not mentioned: two major acts who were sued and had to pay up: (1) The Beach Boys, for (obviously) stealing Sweet Little Sixteen from Chuck Berry and calling it Surfin' USA; (2) George Harrison, for swiping He's So Fine as the basis of My Sweet Lord. (Harrison denied the connection, but lost in court. He eventually bought the rights to He's So Fine, thereby ending the controversy.)

Best part of the page is a reader comment: "I think most of these are a stretch -- And if Heidi Montag went on a porn audition, she'd be told, 'Sorry, you're not natural-looking enough. For porn.'"

"Hey, great news. They made an arrest today in that failed Times Square bombing attempt. It turns out the suspect is a foreign-born, naturalized American citizen. You know what that means? He would have been fine in Arizona." –Jay Leno

"Well, here's something kind of embarrassing. The government has called off the Safety Awards for Excellence ceremony that was supposed to take place this week, in honor of outstanding safety and pollution prevention. And British Petroleum, the one that was responsible for the big oil spill in the Gulf, was one of the three finalists for the award. I believe the other two were China and the volcano in Iceland." –Jay Leno

"Yeah, they plucked a guy off a plane. His name is Faisal Shahzad. They say he was a moody loner. Last year, he vacationed in the tribal regions of Pakistan. Well, no red flags there." –David Letterman

"Anybody here from Arizona? Yeah, you know, they have this immigration law in Arizona. I guess it's because they share a border with Mexico. In essence, the new law in Arizona is if you don't look like you belong there, get out. I think I speak for most Americans when I say, 'Qué?'" –David Letterman

"Remember when A&E used to air opera and stage plays? The roster of new reality series just announced for next season, for instance, is full of enough B-list celebrities to cast a Love Boat episode."

"There’s a David Hasselhoff show in which the Baywatch star helps his daughters break into the recording industry. Another with Tony Danza going back to high school to teach an English class in Philadelphia."

"Yes, there are a couple of new scripted shows in A&E’s upcoming mix ... Big Mike, about an plus-sized detective."

Kind of a low demand for this one. If you are not a viewer of Glee, she's just some random woman, but if you are a viewer of Glee, you probably don't care to look at naked women.

"It’s a celebrity tape, a hardcore tape, and a barely legal tape all in one. Just seeing naked 18-year-old Kendra would be enough. If she does anal I’ll buy a copy for every room in the house, with brand new giant 3D TVs, and play it 24 hours a day. I’ll install TVs on the stairs and in the mailbox too, so I never have to be away from Kendras hot teen ass for more than a few seconds."

A mock trailer that became a real movie with this real trailer.

"When a movie sucks this hard and does this little, but has an R rating, it owes us at least one simple thing: teenagers played by hot actresses in their twenties who take off their tops. A Nightmare on Elm Street doubly fails. First, these actors are pasty, dopey and look vaguely Canadian. They are humorless and exhausted. Second, the Fionas never get any naughtier than wearing pushup bras under their pajamas. How can such a shitty movie not even offer us a visceral reason to watch it later on premium cable?"

Damn, he's the right guy for the job. That man can negotiate.

(He took his payment in stock, which is now worth 125 times its original value!)

The weird part is that they spelled the hard part of her name right: Dreyfus (vs Dreyfuss, as in Richard).

"Time travel to the past is never going to happen. A disappointment for dinosaur hunters and a relief for historians. But the story's not over yet. This doesn't make all time travel impossible. I do believe in time travel. Time travel to the future. Time flows like a river and it seems as if each of us is carried relentlessly along by time's current. But time is like a river in another way. It flows at different speeds in different places and that is the key to travelling into the future."

"I don't know what kind of bullshit passes for jurisprudence down in the 4th Circuit these days," Thomas wrote. "But those pricks can take their arguments about speech that 'appeals only to prurient interests' and go suck a dog's asshole."

"Something very suspicious happened over the weekend. A car parked at, like, 45th and Broadway, very suspicious. And I'll tell you the most suspicious thing about the whole episode was that the guy found a parking place." –David Letterman

"On this day in 1789, George Washington was sworn in as first president of the United States. He is the only president that has never blamed the problems of the country on the previous administration." –David Letterman

"This is the plan is to contain the oil slick with fire-retardant beams, and then set fire to the oil that pools on the surface. They say if it works there in the Gulf, they’re going to try it on the cast of Jersey Shore." –Bill Maher

"Arizona has passed the strictest immigration bill in history. Police can now ask for your papers if they see you coming out of El Pollo Loco." –Jay Leno

Note: these are from super-hero comics only. Uncle Scrooge and Richie Rich do not make the list.

Plus - whichever place Scrooge is in, Flintheart Glomgold has to be just behind, since Scrooge only beat him by a thread - literally!

It looks like a real photo finish comin' up, with Iron Man expected to take in more than $160m and the next highest film right behind at $12.00 - for one ticket in San Antonio. That's gotta be Jackie Earle Haley's mom.

The only other film opening this week is a documentary called Babies. Woo-hoo! Sounds like my Saturday is set!

You had me at "Christina Hendricks Cleavage." This woman takes "stacked" to a whole new level.

He thinks that Iron Man 2 will come very close to the all-time record for an opening weekend and finish $400M+ to top the summer.

Other big hits, in descending order: Toy Story 3, Twilight 3, Shrek 4, Sex and the City 2

Luckily, it only cost us a six zillion dollar government grant to find that out!

Paramount red-lighted both Anchorman 2 and Zoolander 2, but Ferrell hopes to repackage his film with a lower budget. It will not be easy to schedule because many of the stars (Steve Carell and Paul Rudd, e.g.) have gone on to productive careers, but they've all tentatively agreed to do it when they can arrange it.

He fanned 13 in seven innings. The Rockies are 6-0 in his starts, 7-13 with other starters.

Fun fact: he's one of the lowest-paid regulars in baseball, possibly the lowest among five-year men. I reckon that will soon change.

"For English speakers with subpar Chinese skills, daily life in China offers a confounding array of choices. At banks, there are machines for “cash recycling.” The menus of local restaurants might present such delectables as “fried enema.” Extra-large sizes sometimes come in “fatso” or “lard bucket” categories."

"Of those who’ve come before, the most inspirational are?

Socrates, Abraham Lincoln, and the late Ethel Merman."

Bottom line: who cares?

(I linked to the article because it's pretty funny.)

A Nightmare on Elm Street did manage a fairly solid $32 million weekend, but the trend is alarming. It took in about $15M Friday, $10M Saturday, and $5M Sunday. Quick, solve that number series and predict Monday. To quote the immortal poet Scooby Do, "Roh-roh!"

Furry Vengeance just plain stunk it up with $6.5 million in 2997 theaters. Among all releases in that many theaters or more, it was the 9th-worst opener of all time, and the worst of this year by far. The Back-Up Plan had been the previous worst of 2010 and that film took in nearly twice as much as Furry Vengeance.

Led by those two sinking ships, overall business was off 11% from the equivalent weekend in 2009.

A possible reason for those disappointing results: both films stink. Elm Street pulled in only 14% positive reviews, but that seems like The Godfather compared to Furry Vengeance, which is cruising along at 2%. (That's a perfect 0% from the top critics, by the way. Only one critic gave it a thumb up and he isn't in the inner circle.)

On the international scene, Iron Man 2 kicked major ass at the foreign box office in its first five days: grossing $100 million, ranking No. 1 in 52 of the 53 countries in which it appeared. It is set to open in around 4,000 U.S. theaters this Friday.

His ERA is a sparkling 2.27, about the same as last year, when he won the Cy Young. That has resulted in an 0-3 record with three no-decisions. He has only allowed three runs in his last 22 innings pitched ... earning no wins. Sunday he pitched a complete game four-hitter ... and lost.

"Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dog's was a jewel heist film like many people had never seen before... unless they'd already watched City On Fire five years earlier."

"Christina Gamble filed a workers compensation claim after falling Nov. 9, 2007, during a shift at Red Robin restaurant in Richland Township. Eight days after a doctor examined Gamble and declared her unfit to work because standing and changing positions would be painful, the 43-year-old was spotted stripping at CR Fannys."

"Wang Xianjun, 54, of Sichuan Province, started to snack on broken glass because he says it is 'crispy and delicious.'"

Ah, the Germans, they have a single word for "ass-bombs": "arschbomben"

23 times 7 is 161, almost a perfect match for the length of the season. In other words, he's on pace for 35 wins.

Nightmare on Elm Street opened big - more than $15 million on Friday, right on pace for the $40 million or so predicted by the experts. It took in as much as the next nine films added together.

Furry Vengeance bombed royally. It grossed less than $2 million despite being in 3000 theaters. The Weekend Warrior expected it to finish third this weekend, but it finished sixth on Friday, or maybe even seventh, contingent on the final numbers. I suppose it could still finish second or third for the weekend because it's more of a Saturday movie, but it looks too weak to reach even its modest expectations.

"Well, as you know, Arizona has passed the strictest immigration law in the country, and in response, the mayor of San Francisco is pushing for a boycott of the state of Arizona. This could be devastating to gay rodeos." –Jay Leno

"Publishers announced that former President George Bush's book will be released Nov. 9. The book is called 'Decision Points.' The title is based on the fact whenever a decision needed to be made, Bush would point to Cheney." –Jay Leno

"A man on a Delta flight from Paris to Atlanta claimed he had explosives in his luggage. Officials told the man it was a federal offense, while Delta told him he'd have to pay an extra $15 per carry-on bomb." –Jimmy Fallon

Some of David Letterman's "Top Ten Other Revelations in the Laura Bush Book"

• Keeps slim by wrasslin' gators.
  
• As a little girl, dreamed of one day marrying America's worst President.
  

Talk about a pitcher's battle. Lee was nearly unhittable for seven innings, allowing only three singles and no walks. The Rangers' Colby Lewis matched Lee, perhaps even topped him, with nine innings of shutout ball and 10 Ks. Lewis retired the last 21 batters he faced!

Lewis has pitched quite brilliantly this year. Is he a rookie or something? No, not at all. He's a 30-year-old journeyman who's been in and out of the majors since 2002. He was part of the Texas rotation throughout the 2003 year, pitched poorly (7.03 ERA in 26 starts), then wandered off to two other major league teams and a bunch of minor league teams. He owns some obscure and not very prestigious records: highest ERA for a ten-game winner, highest winning percentage for a guy with an ERA over 7.00 - the sorts of records you don't want to mention when you entertain your grandkids in front of the fireplace. He had a lifetime ERA of 6.71 before this year, but he pitched the last two years in Japan, where he apparently learning something, because he is now back with the Rangers and has suddenly turned into Walter Johnson. He got no decision in last night's game, but he is 3-0 in his other starts this year, and this is the third time he has racked up double figures in the strikeout column. He struck out ten in five innings against the Indians, then ten in six innings against the Tigers. And, mind you, he's 3-0 pitching for the freakin' Rangers. They are 4-1 in his five starts, and 7-11 in their other games.

By the way, the Rangers finally scored in the 12th to win last night's game.

"Everyone's favorite sitcom was not always the comedic masterpiece that it's now thought as. Larry David's first sketch of the show was actually a drama. Here's what the show would have looked like if Larry had taken his original route."