"The East Coast is suffering from a terrible heat wave. Wall Street bankers are jumping out of windows just for the cool breeze on the way down." –Jay Leno

"Iran has banned the mullet. Today, the state of Kentucky broke off all diplomatic relations with Iran." –Jay Leno

"Perhaps, but maybe it's because the Japanese Obama has an unfair advantage: he is a magician. In another WTF moment from Japan, an Obama impersonator captivates the audience with magic tricks, which leave them chanting: 'CHANGE!' and 'YES HE CAN!'"

I agree that American Pie 5: the Naked Mile, although rated only 5.0 at IMDb, is a good watch for a straight-to-vid. I've seen all seven of the American Pie movies, and I liked the Naked Mile second best, behind only the original. Cute story. Nice finale. Some funny set pieces. Ton o' nudity.

Another film that could make the linked list is the Carlito's Way prequel, which is rated 4.9 at IMDb but is another quite watchable straight-to-vid, despite having a very tenuous connection to Carlito's Way. (They basically took a standard generic gangster script and changed the lead character's name to Carlito Brigante. I'm oversimplifying, but not by much.)

Talk about home park advantage. At home (Baker Bowl), Klein had 29 homers, 97 RBI and batted .423. On the road: 9 homers, 40 RBI, .266. There was no such thing as sabermetrics in those days. Chuck was elected MVP of the National League.

In 1930, Klein hit .439 in the Baker Bowl, with 109 RBI. That's no typo. He had 109 RBI at home. When he got shipped to the Cubbies, just two years after his MVP year and still in his twenties, he averaged .297 with 21 homers and 77 RBI per year, which should have surprised nobody, but did anyway. The Cubs shipped him back after two years.

For his career, Klein hit .395 at Baker Bowl, with 45 homers and 165 RBI per 162 games. On the road he averaged .292, with 22 homers per 162 games.

Although Klein's batting average split is more dramatic than Todd Helton's, Todd's road record is almost identical: .293, with 22 homers per 162 games.

Larry Walker's lifetime Coors/road batting average split is identical to Klein's Baker/road split, 103 points. Walker hit .381 at Coors, .278 on the road.

Klein is in the HOF.

Yes, that's impressive. Babe Ruth hit 16; Hank Aaron 16; Barry Bonds only 11; Mickey Mantle only 9. In the history of major league baseball, only one man (Lou Gehrig - 23) hit more salamis than A-Rod, who is only 34 years old and will most likely pass Gehrig to become the career leader. He also had a second dinger in the game, bringing his lifetime total to 597, which is #7 on the all-time list. He needs 166 to break Bonds' career record, and that seems to be in the cards, barring an act of God. At .276 with 14 dingers, Alex seems to be having a quiet off-year, but he actually has 67 RBI at the all-star break, and that's more than anybody in the entire National League. Like him or not, you have to notice that the man can swing the bat.

I still have the 1959 Baseball Encyclopedia my mom bought me when I was ten. In those days it was pretty damned simple to memorize the list of 500-homer hitters: Ruth, Foxx, Ott. Ralph Kiner was seventh on the career homer list although he played only ten years. Kiner is now 69th on the list. Ott is now 23rd on the list of 25 men with 500 or more.

In a counter-complaint the Quaids allege "an invasion of privacy, unethical use of Randy’s name and," most important, "an embarrassing encounter with two camels."

Nothin' like showing the judge a good attitude!

The Netherlands is in the Big Show with a 3-2 victory over Uruguay. They will play against the winner of Spain/Germany.

I dunno if any of this is true, but it has come to my attention that Mel Gibson may not be a very nice person. It's just this feeling I have. I guess I have ESPN.

"Either the art was really, really bad back then or they just had ugly, ugly people"

The beautiful people in Seattle are being killed, one by one.

“At this rate, Seattle will resemble Cincinnati,” cautioned Edward.

Gotta love the British tabloids. Topless pics of one of the accused Russian spies.

"There are certain people who are drawn to organic food like moths to a flame (except moths don't drive to flames in a Prius). Below are a few culprits."

According to the diminutive royal, the internet, like MTV, is no longer the place to get music.

So I speak for all of us when I bid the internet a fond farewell and say "So long, and thanks for all the Phish."

Amusing article!:

"Uruguay won the first World Cup ever, in 1930. Uruguay also won the 1950 World Cup. Soccer fans regard these achievements the same way Americans regard the fact that we once had presidents named 'Millard' and 'Grover': they occured, but in a now-irrelevant epoch."

With as much as she has been through, she is still gorgeous, with a spectacular body. A few weeks without booze have even restored her youthful skin. If she could get through life without booze and cigarettes, she would be a great beauty.

"The 'land of the free and the home of the brave' has been transformed into a socialized Big Brother nanny state that is oozing with corruption and has accumulated the biggest mountain of debt in the history of the world. The greatest economic machine that the world has ever seen is falling apart before our very eyes, and even when our politicians actually try to do something right (which is quite rare) the end result is still a bunch of garbage. For those who still love this land (and there are a lot of us) it is heartbreaking to watch America slowly die."

OK, you're wondering why I linked to this ... because the source of the article, representing those who "still love this land" is Pravda. Yes, that Pravda!

Here's the original source, with links to the originating stories.

"I am happy I will have more time for my wife, my kids and an extended trip to Planet Zeeba."

One run allowed. 11 Ks. 2.34 ERA (about the same as Ubaldo's).

27 walks in 22 innings. And dat's da name o' dat tune.

$2 billion? A house with 27 stories? No, I wouldn't consider that excessive.

Twilight came in right at $70 million, which is exactly where the predictions pegged it. It has grossed an impressive $161 million already, thanks to a spectacular opening day on Wednesday.

The Last Airbender, although excoriated and ridiculed by critics, actually performed better than expected. I suppose that shows you something about the importance of critics. Or not. Weekend total: $40 million.

Third place went to Toy Story 3, which took in another $30 million, raising its total to $289m.

"Some people live out the rest of their days hating the things they made, sort of like George Lucas and the Star Wars Christmas Special, or Leonard Nimoy and that hobbit song. It even happens with works that are considered classics, like ... "

The original story indicated otherwise: "Spies on set said that both actors - neither of whom had ever filmed a fully nude scene before - were total pros!"

There were three quarter-final matches which paired European teams against South Americans. The Euros won all three. As a result, only the scrappy team from Uruguay is left in the semis from the four South American teams which made the quarters. The remaining matches (with pre-cup rankings in parens): Uruguay (16) vs Netherlands (4), Germany (6) vs Spain (2).

Uruguay managed to make the semis by virtue of an incredibly easy draw. In the round of sixteen they defeated Korea (rated #47 in the world), and then managed to knock off Ghana (rated #32). In the group stage they defeated Mexico (#17) and South Africa (#83). They have won four of their five games, but their only really impressive accomplishment was the one they did not win, a 0-0 tie against France.

World number one Brazil was knocked out by The Netherlands; number three Portugal was defeated by Spain; number seven Argentina and number eight England each lost to Germany, convincingly in both cases. Numbers five and nine, the Italians and French, went home with their tails between their legs, having failed to make the round of 16. They each finished last in their preliminary group and neither won a single match. Italy was 0-1-2 and France was 0-2-1.

They have to be the favorites now.

Despite having the Twi-hard business drained off by a Wednesday opening, Eclipse still took in an impressive $28 million on Friday.

Although it is the early Razzie favorite, The Last Airbender defied its critics and took in a solid $16 million.

Letterman also had his lowest ratings since 1993. The old-timey late night network shows are dying off as fast as the newspaper industry. Nightline is beating Letterman and closing in on Leno!

"When the Swedish Pirate Party announced, back in mid-May, that they were the new ISP of The Pirate Bay, it surprised a lot of people. With their latest announcement, that they will run The Pirate Bay from inside the Swedish Parliament, they hope they will surprise people again.

The party has announced today that they intend to use part of the Swedish Constitution to further these goals, specifically Parliamentary Immunity from prosecution or lawsuit for things done as part of their political mandate. They intend to push the non-commercial sharing part of their manifesto, by running The Pirate Bay from ‘inside’ the Parliament, by Members of Parliament."

Asia, Africa and North America will all go home empty-handed. There are six teams left, of which three come from South America (Uruguay, Argentina, Paraguay), the other three from Europe (Netherlands, Germany, Spain).

... Tanveer Bhullar stands two inches shorter than his big brother, a junior. Together they averaged 16 blocks per game last year!

Oh, yeah. And the older brother likes to drain threes!

I wonder if the younger one is still growing.

The same high school also has a 6'9" power forward. All three boys are Canadians although the high school is in the USA near Pittsburgh.

"Sunday is July 4, when America combines our two favorite pastimes: alcohol and explosives." –David Letterman

"The fireworks are beautiful to look at, but more importantly, they drown out the gunfire." –David Letterman

"But all across the country, it was iPhone mania. Thousands and thousands of people lined up for the new iPhone. Meanwhile, out in Arizona, John McCain was on line for a pay phone." –David Letterman

"July 4 is my favorite holiday. No presents, no church, just a lighter and a trunk full of explosives." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Larry King is leaving 'Larry King Live' this fall and the truth is, no one can really fill his shoes — if he even wears shoes. I've never seen his feet, I don't know." –Jimmy Kimmel

Mercy! I hope the waitress's fist is OK.

"Other groups deemed more threatening than Communists include escaped zoo animals and Belgians."

"A court-appointed federal trustee charges that the former baseball star has lied under oath, improperly hid and sold assets, and repeatedly acted in a 'fraudulent and deceitful manner' during his ongoing bankruptcy case."

"Guy Fawkes wasn't trying to destroy an evil theocracy, he was trying to install one. Fawkes was a fighter for Spain and the Catholic Church. His goal was to end the slightly more egalitarian Protestant revolution in England by restoring Catholic domination. If the Gunpowder Plot had actually succeeded, Britain would probably look more like the fascist police state Alan Moore warned us about."

"The source claims Simpson's latest love is a spitting image for his late wife Nicole."

So nothing could go wrong there.

"Ladies and gentlemen, news from the world of broadcasting. Larry King has announced his retirement. He says he wants to spend more time with his wives." –David Letterman

"But, seriously, Larry has really been trying to slow down, of course, since his recent death." –David Letterman

"Larry's absence creates a void. As a matter of fact, his presence creates a void." –David Letterman

"Here's how savvy the Russian spies are and were — they knew four years ago that Ricky Martin was gay." –David Letterman

"They're having the confirmation hearings down in Washington, D.C., with Elena Kagan. And so far, the woman has offered very few opinions. I thought to myself, well, my God — how do you find a woman like that?" –David Letterman

It's probably not destiny, given that the Gipper's Alma Mater, "California's Eureka College," is actually in Illinois, near Peoria.

On the other hand, I believe that Reagan's most famous co-star, Bonzo (Bonzo was his real name as well as his character's name), was a native Californian, and did go to a California college, so there's your destiny angle.

"We’ve had requests for places and villages but never one to hire the whole country before,” he said. “It would have been possible, but Snoop Dogg’s management did not give us enough time.”

The centerfold was kinda weak, but I subscribed anyway.

Detective fiction category:

"She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so."

"Every issue of every woman’s magazine has an expansive new list of love-making secrets. How is that possible? Do women’s magazine editors reshape their genitals every 30 days? Are there really so many poontang discoveries being made that you can tell us 50 new stunts to perform on one each month? It’s like they’re writing articles specifically for Ice T to pleasure the dunes of his wife’s ever-shifting booty landscape."

Twilight - Eclipse: 52% positive reviews, 4400 theaters. You already know whether you will see this.

The Last Airbender: 5% positive reviews, 3200 theaters. Critics have suggested it is bad beyond our human capacity for description:

• "It is so bad that not only could Uwe Boll make a better movie than Shyamalan has done here, he already has."
  
• "Nothing short of an incomprehensible fiasco. If one must go see it, avoid the 3-D version like the bubonic plague."
  
• "Let's just be honest: M. Night Shyamalan is an idiot."
  
• "Slavishly amateurish with no heart. Cold, not engaging, and dull. Bad writing and film school-level directing."