That's not how I mainly remember him. I always think of him as the singing space-hippie in Star Trek. "Headin' out to Eden - yeah, brother." (That song kicks in about 8:30, but there are many other Napier tunes before it.)

She's not a dork. She's a hipster doofus. Not the same thing at all. Dustin Diamond is a dork. Ryan Reynolds is a hipster doofus.

“They separated about six weeks ago,” the source said. “Both went to Kaballah counseling hoping to save the marriage. But it’s over now.”

Whoa! A rare failure for Kaballah counseling! It has to be their fault, not Kaballah's. I'll bet they wore the wrong color of enchanted string.

Warning: these are pictures of a woman who is old and doesn't realize it. If you're still curious, here is one of them uncensored.

It's a good thing that CBS places the date on the Letterman clips, because you can't really tell whether his monologues are re-runs. He tells the same jokes every night.

Yes - and make it a parimutual sport! And stop playing it on level ground. Toss them off cliffs.

And while we're at it, let's not create a dwarf monopoly. Let's toss other groups for our amusement: hippie-tossing, bralass co-ed tossing, etc.

Just don't toss the braless co-eds off cliffs.

(That's a real story, not Onion or Cracked)

Very ingenious stuff. Reminds me of the old National Lampoon in its early years.

Yeah, I had him on my short list.

Oh, yeah, and those poems he wrote? They stopped many years ago.

Those Nobel judges really have their finger on the world's pulse!

By the way, where is the Nobel in Tone Poetry? I keep reading that somebody or another's pretentious film is a tone poem. When will the world finally recognize tone poetry as the great art form that it is? When that finally happens, I could finally get my well-deserved Nobel.

"Snarky" is a tone, isn't it?

I don't really know who the hell she is, but she's a cute little chickadee, so what's the harm in looking at her titties? Enjoy.

"Kutcher looked pretty depressed. Maybe because he was trying to go to the Hipster Dipshit Hat store and they were closed."

I didn't see that coming.

It looks like there are two watchable movies:

The Ides of March (78% positive reviews, 2000 theaters) is George Clooney's R-rated political drama which stars Clooney and red-hot Ryan Gosling. I have been very enthusiastic about Clooney's more serious work behind the camera (and Leatherheads has its moments). Since he deals with ideas rather than action or comedy, he attracts a relatively small audience, but a discriminating one. And his films deal with important ideas in an accessible and engaging way, without being excessively ideological, which makes them a good watch even when you disagree with his point of view. You all know he's a dyed-in-the-wool liberal, but he wisely made his charming slimebag character a liberal, thus avoiding the easy targets and making the film about the process rather than specific issues. Very smart move.

You've already seen many ads for Real Steel (69% positive reviews, 3300 theaters), the PG-13 film about fighting robots. It's essentially a stereotypical boxing picture which has been sanitized for your protection: Rocky with robots and a schmaltzy father-son dynamic. Wolverine plays the down-on-his-luck boxer who gets a second chance with a robot surrogate.

There are only two new wide releases this week. His predictions:

Real Steel: 3300 theaters, $27 million, 1st place.

The Ides of March: 2000 theaters, $14 million, second place.

God bless CBS. Their website seems to be run by 4th graders, but they show Craig's monologue uncut, so I can forgive them.

Yeah, maybe a little, just as I was when Angeline Jolie chose Brad Pitt over me. I really thought I was going to get that rose.

"The bike runs on biogas converted from feces that is harvested directly from the driver -- who sits on the bike's toilet-styled seat."

I think it's finally time for that long-delayed remake of Easy Rider.

Suggested slogan: When you have to go - you have to go.

C'mon, admit it, you had a crush on her after Animal House. I sure did.

She was a major star in the late 70 and early 80s, then kinda dropped out. Here is a good article about how Spielberg lured her out of retirement.

Last year, "Glee" was breaking the Beatles' music chart records. This year, viewers have suddenly lost interest. The 3D concert movie bombed, iTunes downloads are way down, the season premiere was off 32 percent from last
year, and the ratings continue to sink.

I blame Michele Bachmann's husband. He has just cured too many gay people.

Not coincidentally, rentals of Lee Marvin movies are way up.

Many of your roles have been sexual, in Kaboom and Killer Joe. Is it awkward seeing those movies with your parents?

My parents actually saw Kaboom before I did. They haven’t seen Killer Joe yet, but my parents know that it’s my job. It’s not like I’m making porn. I’m faking it. It’s like, you know, I think sex is really important in people’s lives. I don’t get embarrassed by doing that in a movie at all, as long as it’s right. I don’t want it to be gratuitous, because then it’s just gross, but I think if your character needs to do that, your character needs to do that. It’s a little daunting when you first have to take your clothes off in a room full of people, but it’s kind of weirdly liberating.

I think some actors see nudity as a bad career move. Have you ever seen it that way?

No, not at all. I’m very European about it, though. For me, violence is more nerve-racking than taking my shirt off and doing a sex scene. And that was what was interesting about Killer Joe. Obviously it’s a lot of nudity and sex, but I also had to fire a gun, and that was way more frightening.

You took your top off in Mr. Nobody. Were you even 18?

That was a boob double!

The Rangers' run production consisted entirely of solo homers, but that was enough. Beltre hit three solo homers in his first three at bats.

The Rangers hit only .211 for the series and were outscored 21-16, but none of that matters now. They won 3-1, so they're still playing and they have a clean slate.

The attendance at the game was an embarrassing 28,000. Fifteen of the major league teams averaged more than that during the regular season. The Rays fielded a good team, but were second-last in the majors in attendance, and came pretty darned close to last.

Now THAT would make a great Gilligan's Island reboot. Plenty of red-hot nudists as a backdrop for Nick Swardson as Gilligan.

John Goodman is the Skipper; Kevin Spacey and Gwyneth Paltrow the Howells. Now here's the casting genius: Jennifer Aniston as Mary Ann and Angelina Jolie as Ginger, with plenty of stark naked hair-pulling as they fight over the handsome professor (played by you know who).

Writes itself.

Wow. Hank Williams is an idiot? Who could have guessed? I trusted you, man. I never formed a political opinion without consulting you. Now I'll have to get my political wisdom from the Deliverance banjo boy.

I'm pretty sure she was just trying to milk it without checking its gender first. Damn city girls!

It's a very good football book, because it's basically a true story with the names and some details changed. The main characters in the book represent Gent, Tom Landry, Dandy Don Meredith, Roger Staubach and the rest of the Dallas Cowboys in the late 60s when Dandy was exiting.

Gent himself was a real oddity. He made the Cowboys roster despite never having played any college ball. (He was a basketball star!)

The movie version? Well, it was too Hollywood, but I still enjoy it. It focuses sharply on 1969, when Gent was cut from the team. Nick Nolte played the Gent surrogate.

Bull Durham is mentioned most often.

That is completely obvious, but nobody ever really acknowledges it.

As the study notes:

"There’s one idea that people tend to associate black people with violence, women with weakness, or older people with forgetfulness — because they are prejudiced. But there’s another possibility that what’s in your head is not you, it’s the culture around you.”

We are taught from childhood that "my group is better than your group," and we internalize that mentality. In adulthood it particularly shows up in racial or gender relations because the physical differences between races and sexes are generally more evident than other differences between groups, and thus divide us more distinctly.

Inherent in every culture I've ever looked at is the "superiority assumption." Remember back in school when you offered those generalizations about students from other schools. Remember how you were cheering because you were the best? Those learned behaviors are the same as racism: they involve an assumption of a differentiation between specific individuals based on differences, real or imagined, between groups. And don't think this is unique to North America. I traveled to just about every country in the civilized world, and a few that were mainly uncivilized, and I invariably faced assumptions that I would behave or think a certain (usually undesirable) way because I was an American. And that was from the educated classes.

Of course I had a tremendous advantage over victims of real prejudice. I could always go back home, or someplace where I seemed to blend in. I thus ceased to be part of the "other" group.

Most interesting week of the year so far:

Forte rushes for 200+

The Lions come back from a 20-3 deficit.

Andre Rodgers has 6 TDs (four passing, two rushing)

Vick passes for 416 yards, rushes for 75 more - and loses.

The Patriots allow another 500 yards - and win easily!

I was correct to say that one of the family matinee films would take #1 this week, but I had the wrong one. Dolphin Tale leapt from third to first this weekend, while The Lion King did the exact opposite. Moneyball was in second place both weeks.

The four new films finished 4-5-6-8. Yes, you read that last number correctly. What's Your Number finished an embarrasing 8th. It was in 3000 theaters, but took in only $5.6 million. If you're a screenwriter, Ana Faris desperately needs a good script.

The only new film which encountered good luck was Courageous, which took fifth place despite being on less than half as many screens as the big releases. The faith-based cop film easily won the "gross per theater" category with $7500, far ahead of the second place finisher, The Lion King, which grossed $4700 per theater.

Minor surprise: no new film made the top three. The four new ones finished 4-7.

Major surprise: the film to come the closest to the top was Courageous, the blatantly religious cop film which is only in 1100 theaters. Courageous won the "gross per theater" category by a wide, wide margin, amassing about as much as the next two added together!

The Friday results don't seem to guarantee the final weekend finish. The top seven films were bunched tightly, within two million dollars of one another, so just about any one of them could emerge on top when the countin's done. Given its strength in family matinees, The Lion King may well remain in charge of the jungle.

Wisconsin absolutely crushed the #8 Huskers.

There was a real shake-out in the center of the top 25. Teams numbered 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, and 20 all lost. No team rated from 8-16 won except when they faced one another (#13 beat #11, and #9 Oregon had the week off). Oregon will move up to #8. I guess #13 Clemson will move up to #9 with a convincing win over #11 Va Tech.

But who will be #10?

#19 Michigan will move up many places by grinding out a 58-0 victory while seven teams above them lost. They might crawl into the top ten. #18 Arkansas beat the #14 Aggies, and #17 Texas won big over previously undefeated Iowa State, so those two teams also have a shot at filling the ten hole. West Virginia will also gain back several places with a big rebound victory, but although their only loss was to LSU, I still don't think they'll be higher than #13.

About 24 hours ago, the Yankees were 0-0 with the prospect of facing Verlander twice in a 5-game series. Then the rains came. Now they are 1-0 and will only have to face him once. That's the same result they would have obtained by beating him, without actually having to do so.

Freakin' Halladay. The first seven hitters against him got a walk, two singles and a homer. It looked like he might be vulnerable on a rare off-day. Look again. Unfortunately for the Cards, he then remembered who he was and pitched a 7-inning perfect game, 21 up, 21 down, while his team collected some runs.

The D-Backs are in trouble. They are 0-1 and are now facing a guy who is 11-0 in Miller Park.

I couldn't find the monologue online, but here's the show, if you want to see it.

Y'know, I've figured out why Bachmann opposes gay marriage. It would depreciate her franchise. Before now, if gay guys wanted a fabulous wedding, they had to marry Bachmann or Liza Minnelli.

Be afraid - be very afraid.

Ahmadinejad claimed there were no gay guys in Iran. Maybe so, but their straight guys all look like Lady Gaga.

Has anyone checked to see whether Snooky's filter is missing?