Friday, May 12, 2017

A young Jessica Alba's booty in Idle Hands

A young Jessica Alba bootylicious in Idle Hands

A movie I found quite entertaining. Here is what I wrote nearly 15 years ago:


Idle Hands is a comedy/gore film somewhere along the same line of heritage as American Werewolf in London. To extend that comparison for a minute, Idle Hands is comparable to Werewolf in terms of the grotesque and comical splatter, and in its treatment of the decaying dead as ongoing comic relief characters. Both have scary moments when they act as real horror movies, and both have moments when they seem to be parodies of horror movies. Where this movie differs from Werewolf is that it has far less drama, substituting good-natured lowbrow stoner comedy instead.

Oh, of course it isn't a great movie. It's juvenile and, predictably, the critics hated it.

But I like this junk movie.

There are movies that we watch just for pure sleazy entertainment, movies like American Werewolf or The Devil's Advocate or Wild Things, films that are just meant to give us a lot of over-the-top stimulation from scares and sex and drugs and rock 'n roll. This is one such movie.

Two reasons:

(1) A young actor named Devon Sawa took on a remarkable physical challenge. He had to play the part of a man at war with his own right hand, which was possessed by a demon from hell. This required the kind of physical dexterity necessary to be a great pianist - the ability to move right and left hands as if they had separate minds controlling them. There seemed to be times when his right hand truly must have been a prop operated by another actor, and yet I'm pretty sure that he did it all with pure acting.

That may sound dopey to you on the surface, but it is an accomplishment.

I was an actor many years ago - not a good one, but I still think like one. If I were asked to play a part like this, my first thought would be, "How can I do this with enough energy to get the laughs, and yet with enough control that I don't seem like Corporal Agarn in a particularly bad episode of F Troop. I have to do all this physical schtick, and still manage to play the vulnerable teen, like Jason Biggs in American Pie. I ain't takin' this part. I'll look like a complete ass." And my first reaction would have been correct. If I had played this part when I was the right age, I would have looked like an ass. Indeed if 95% of professional performers played this part, they would come off looking like complete dipshits, as Jerry Lewis proved again and again in his films. Yet, amazingly, Devon Sawa pulled this off and had me laughing at slapstick, a feat which is all but impossible, because I hate slapstick. My hat is off to the kid. He did an amazingly good job with this juvenile and impossible-to-act material.

(2) Jessica Alba. It is never really possible to determine which woman among the 20ish crowd will become the beauty of her generation, as Jacqueline Bisset and Michelle Pfeiffer were among their age groups. I don't believe that anyone trying to make a prediction in 1980, or even in 1985, would have picked Michelle Pfeiffer as the one to emerge with the title from among her contemporaries. Pfeiffer managed to achieve such status through a combination of exceptional beauty, audience-friendliness, an inner radiance, elegance, a non-threatening presence, competent performances, a reasonable level of intelligence, and sheer endurance. It isn't enough just to be breathtakingly beautiful. Ask Kelly LeBrock, if you can find her.

I can't say that Jessica Alba will push aside the contenders like Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson and become her generation's reigning beauty. Perhaps not. Perhaps Alba will simply end up as the Kelly Le Brock of her generation. She hasn't yet demonstrated either the mature temperament or the talent necessary to prevail. But I'll say this. I've been following her career for five years, and she gets more beautiful every year. And she was pretty damned gorgeous to begin with!

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