Monday, June 26, 2017

Thaila Ayala naked

Thaila Ayala naked

She is the lead female in the new Woody Woodpecker movie, which will open in a theater nowhere near you unless you happen to live in Sao Paolo, where they call Woody by his Portuguese name, "O Woody." No, I'm just fuckin' witcha. His Portuguese name is "Pica-Pau."

UPDATE: From the comment section:

1. Buried the lede there. There's a new Woody Woodpecker movie? Who says Hollywood is out of ideas?

2. And they are so excited by it that it is opening exclusively in Brazil, dubbed into Portuguese, even though the entire movie was filmed in English in ... wait for it ... Vancouver.

I think it's a safe guess that the guy who greenlighted this is now working in a place that requires him to wear a hair net.

3. I picture the main dude going all Daniel Day-Lewis on the part - hanging out in the wild for months with actual woodpeckers, running old films compulsively until he's got the laugh juuuust right, hassling the director with "Look, what's my motivation here? Am I MAD at the tree or am I just looking for grubs and beetles?" But it's all worth it in the end, it's all up there on the screen. He's walking the red carpet on opening night next to Thaila, who's gotten a Brazilian wax for the occasion. The critics are mixed at first, but it's an immediate commercial success; they're rolling in reals (or whatever they're calling Brazilian money these days). But the big score is in the merchandise - Halloween costumes, t-shirts, pieces of wood...

Why yes, I do have an actual job I should be heading out to, thanks for asking.

4. Daniel Day-Lewis would have insisted on playing Woody as a dramatic role, with everyone addressing him by his full name of "Woodrow." The last scene would show him standing on a tor, looking down to where his trees used to be, an area now transformed into a condo and a public parking lot. The final sound would be his familiar "ha-ha-ha-HA-ha," except slowed down and dissonant and filled with the pain of loss, for at long last, the joke is on him!

The closing credits would roll over a somber Leonard Cohen dirge, except translated into Portuguese, with just a hint of a slow samba beat.

5 comments:

  1. Buried the lede there. There's a new Woody Woodpecker movie? Who says Hollywood is out of ideas?

    ReplyDelete
  2. And they are so excited by it that it is opening exclusively in Brazil, dubbed into Portuguese, even though the entire movie was filmed in English in ... wait for it ... Vancouver.

    I think it's a safe guess that the guy who greenlighted this is now working in a place that requires him to wear a hair net.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I picture the main dude going all Daniel Day-Lewis on the part - hanging out in the wild for months with actual woodpeckers, running old films compulsively until he's got the laugh juuuust right, hassling the director with "Look, what's my motivation here? Am I MAD at the tree or am I just looking for grubs and beetles?"
    But it's all worth it in the end, it's all up there on the screen. He's walking the red carpet on opening night next to Thaila, who's gotten a Brazilian wax for the occasion. The critics are mixed at first, but it's an immediate commercial success; they're rolling in reals (or whatever they're calling Brazilian money these days). But the big score is in the merchandise - Halloween costumes, t-shirts, pieces of wood...

    Why yes, I do have an actual job I should be heading out to, thanks for asking

    ReplyDelete
  4. Daniel Day-Lewis would have insisted on playing Woody as a dramatic role, with everyone addressing him by his full name of "Woodrow." The last scene would show him standing on a tor, looking down to where his trees used to be, an area now transformed into a condo and a public parking lot. The final sound would be his familiar "ha-ha-ha-HA-ha," except slowed down and dissonant and filled with the pain of loss, for at long last, the joke is on him!

    The closing credits would roll over a somber Leonard Cohen dirge, except translated into Portuguese, with just a hint of a slow samba beat.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You laugh, but I would watch the hell out of DDL as WW.

    Just to see him method-act his schnozz repeatedly into an oak tree.

    ReplyDelete