Sunday, July 23, 2017

Kills 99% Of Germs: 6 Ad Phrases That Mean Literally Nothing

Kills 99% Of Germs: 6 Ad Phrases That Mean Literally Nothing

My personal favorites that missed the list:

"Of America's leading gums, Trident is sugarless."

You think it means "of the five or so best-tasting or most popular gums in America, only Trident is sugarless," but it could mean "there are 1000 gums in America and Trident is among the leading 999 in the category of 'prettiest wrapper' and it is sugarless, so there's that."

"Three of four dentists recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum."

First of all, they may only have asked four dentists, all of whom were on their payroll, and whose answers were known in advance. Second, even with that head start, they couldn't get four out of four. One dentist actually recommended chewing sugary gum rather than their product! (Think about that.) Third, even on top of all that, they're only saying if you absolutely have to fuck up your teeth with gum, at least chew the sugarless kind.

"Such and such is part of a balanced breakfast."

Sure, if you want to balance off real food like fresh fruit and skinless chicken with complete crap, then by all means eat some Cocoa Crispies or Pop-Tarts, or whatever is making this claim. The latest version of this is "part of a complete breakfast." Just set a bowl full of pure cane sugar alongside wheat toast, yogurt, eggs, fruit and vegetables ... et voila! It is part of this complete breakfast.


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