Mountain Dew Tells All of Scotland to Masturbate for ‘Epic Thrills’

Mountain Dew Tells All of Scotland to Masturbate for ‘Epic Thrills’

I certainly understand the connection between Diet Mountain Dew and jerking off. They are definitely two of my favorite things.

Either way, it’s called “doing the Dew.”

Diet Dew is also part of my favorite mixed drink. Combined with Dewars, it forms The Double Dews, a beverage I imbibe to honor my personal hero, Dalton, the main man of The Double Deuce honky-tonk in Road House, the greatest movie ever made.

Or at least I would imbibe it if I drank alcohol, which I don’t.

But if I did …