Joanna Page’s amusing sex scene from Love Actually

The structure of Love Actually is sheer genius.

Here’s why:

If you’re like me, it’s not easy for you to get through a movie without a pee break. I need to leave, but hate to because I don’t want to miss anything.

About halfway through Love Actually, the director actually provides a pee break. Rowan Atkinson does some interminably long, slapstick routine as a salesman gift-wrapping something or another with excessive ostentation. I’m not sure exactly what he did, because I was pissing, but it was such juvenile humor that it would have embarrassed Jerry Lewis.

So if this movie comes up on cable or something and you can’t pause it, just wait until you see Mr. Fucking Bean, and leave to take a nice, relaxing whizz. You have a full three minutes where absolutely nothing happens. Bean will be finishing up his fumbling and silly faces just as you return. And this works out well because the rest of the movie is pretty damned good!

I think I speak for all middle-aged and elderly men when I say that Mr. Bean should be placed in the middle of every movie in a totally unnecessary three-minute scene. That way I would know exactly when to hit the head. This would be especially useful in the middle of one of those twisty thrillers, because I hate missing a crucial plot development. It doesn’t even matter if it’s a heavy drama. Hell, it can be a Eugene O’Neill script, or the filmed version of a Russian play, or even fucking King Lear. Bean won’t break the mood because he’s never funny anyway, just annoying. Anyway, if it’s some highbrow period piece, just say he’s the court jester or something.

But you should do this only for the theatrical release. You can cut his smarmy, mugging face out of the Blu-Ray, because I can pause that to take a leak.

5 thoughts on “Joanna Page naked

  1. Atkinson was good in a movie called “The Tall Guy” (the title referred to the actual star, Jeff Goldblum, not Atkinson) in which he basically played a lampoon of himself. The movie was also good because it co-starred Emma Thompson, and even better (by Scoopian standards) because she took her top off.

    1. And a very hilarious sex scene which is both a wild sex scene and a parody of wild sex scenes. I enjoyed that film.

  2. Rowan has talked about his psychoanalysis from time to time, and I’ve often thought that poor shrink has the hardest job in the world. Rowan comes in with feelings of inadequacy because he hasn’t done anything worthwhile since Blackadder, and what is the shrink gonna say? “Dude, you don’t need analysis. You have a completely realistic grasp of the world. Now go out there and try not to suck. And, above all, no more Mister Fucking Bean.”

  3. Blackadder is my favorite show, possibly excepting SCTV. And I have seen Rowan, as a preacher, do “sermons” that are brilliantly funny.

    And then there was Mr. Fucking Bean.

  4. Blackadder (especially II and III) was hilarious, and Atkinson was genius as a talky unscrupulous schemer. But you’re right, Mr. Bean is horrible. It’s amazing that he doesn’t seem to get that he’s funny as Phil Silvers, not Charlie Chaplin.

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