“Bad Sex in Fiction Award: Haruki Murakami, James Frey and Gerard Woodward among all-male shortlist”
My favorite:
Major Victor Cornwall and Major Arthur St John Trevelyan, “Scoundrels: The Hunt for Hansclapp”
“Empty my tanks,” I’d begged breathlessly, as once more she began drawing me deep inside her pleasure cave. Her vaginal ratchet moved in concertina-like waves, slowly chugging my organ as a boa constrictor swallows its prey. Soon I was locked in, balls deep, ready to be ground down by the enamelled pepper mill within her.
I think the committee was hornswoggled on that one. I find it hard to believe that anyone could write that poorly unless they were intending to. It sure sounds like it was intended as a parody. If it is serious, it should be declared the winner by unanimous affirmation.
“Empty my tanks” Can’t wait to use that on the GF when I see her later this month (transoceanic relationship). Trouble is we’ll have to take a break at that point – maybe send out for a broodje – cuz Lena won’t be able to stop laughing for at least 15 minutes. And won’t stop breaking into spontaneous fits of the giggles for the next 3 or 4 days.