“Not only did he have some iconic models walk in the show, but nearly every celebrity attended the event. He had Dita Von Teese show off her tiny waist in a nude corset fit, by the way the entire collection (230 outfits) was made entirely out of recycled old collections. He had Coco Rocha do the god damn river dance, and then he had Gigi and Bella Hadid show off their sexy bodies in some see through creations.”

Mr Peanut gave his life to save Wesley Snipes.

I did not make that up.

The medics tried to save him, but he had lost too much butter.

Sidetrack: When I was a very young boy in Rochester, NY, the main baseball rivals of our hometown Red Wings were the nearby Buffalo Bisons, who starred one of the greatest power hitters in history, the mighty Luke Easter, our most feared opponent. More to the point of this post, they also fielded a player named “Peanuts” Lowrey. I never got out to the ballpark when I was that age, so everything I knew about baseball came from the radio, and for years, I continued to believe that our radio announcer was calling him “Penis” Lowrey.

So, while Mr. Peanut may be dead and buried with his top hat and monocle, it is my fervent hope that Mr. Penis is still alive and working, his top hat intact.