Impeachment trial highlights: Bolton takes center stage from afar

“I’m thrilled to be on center stage again!”

“Oh … never mind.”

 

Main revelation in Bolton’s book excerpt: Trump guilty AF

Wow! Now Susan Collins may not only wring her hands, but may also have to mop her forehead before voting to acquit. That’s huge!

Top rebuttals:

1. Fox News: This means somebody did something very bad and should pay for it – the person who leaked the book excerpt.

2. Dershowitz: There’s no such thing as an impeachable offense. It was a typo in the Constitution.

3. Other people present during Trump’s crimes: “Do not recall” what happened.

4. GOP lickspittles: Bolton should withdraw the truth until after the election.

5. Trump: I’m innocent, I tells ya. Hey, what is the deal with those new toilets? Hey, what about that Adam Schiff? His neck is so wafer-thin it killed Mr. Creosote. What a great crowd. I’ll be here all year. Be sure to tip your waiter.

6. The Onion: “Bolton Pledges To Donate All Proceeds From Book Towards Killing Iranians”