You know those suspiciously anonymous federal agents in Portland that just look like a bunch of sloppy, armed fat guys in cheap sneakers instead of like lean, properly shod, well-trained federal officers? Turns out it’s because they ARE just a bunch of fat guys in cheap sneakers.
“The Federal Protective Service (FPS) — is composed largely of contract security personnel.” (Hint: Blackwater!)
We have obtained exclusive footage of their recruitment procedure:
Hahahaha