“Gwyneth Paltrow Reveals the Sex Advice She Gave Her Teenage Kids”
I know it sounds boring, but I was surprised to see that it was:
“I tell you this my children: Light one of my vagina scented-candles and put on some Black Sabbath. Then fuck like there’s no tomorrow; devour like a beast; wail like a banshee.”
Nah, I’m just fuckin’ witcha. That was the sex advice of either Pope Francis or Mickey Rourke. I forget which. Gwyn just offered some cliches so tedious that they would have bored Polonius. In fact Polonius actually offered Laertes a more eloquent version of the very same advice:
Polonius: “This above all: to thine own self be true”
Paltrow: “You have to stay really close to your own truth.”
Maybe I’m just being an old codger here, but why is a mother giving sex advice to her 15-year-old son? Unless that advice is, “anyone having sex with you is committing statutory rape.”