Dinklage rips Disney a new one

“They were very proud to cast a Latina actress as Snow White. But you’re still telling the story of ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.’ Take a step back and look at what you’re doing there. It makes no sense to me. You’re progressive in one way but then you’re still making that fucking backwards story about seven dwarfs living in a cave together.”

So said Dinklage on Marc Maron’s podcast from Dinklage’s home, which ironically is a cave he shares with a coked-out Colombian chick and six other guys his size.

Disney’s response:

“We are taking a different approach with these seven characters and have been consulting with members of the dwarfism community.”

The dwarfism community? I had no idea dwarfism was an adjective. Anyway, I suppose a dwarfism community typically consists of seven members.

More details have come out about those different, highly sophisticated approaches promised by Disney:

1. The little fellows will now all be brothers, which explains why they live together, and they will be accorded a last name in an effort to lend them more dignity than just calling them “Sneezy” or “Dopey.” Their last name will be Klein, a distinguished German name.

2. And their first names will be Smarmy, Silly, Slimy, Sleazy, Sneaky, Tipsy and oddly enough, Kevin.

3. They will all by played by average-sized actors, and Snow White will be played by a 6’11” Latina.

4. In a brilliant piece of casting, the part of Kevin Klein will be played by Kevin Kline. The other casting hasn’t been finalized, but they want Hugh Grant for Smarmy Klein. Like all other American filmmakers, the producers are required by law to cast J.K. Simmons, probably as Sneaky Klein.

5. They are no longer miners. Now they spend the live-long day cobbling shoes as they sing merry tunes. They receive no pay except the joy that any of us can receive from providing taller people with comfortable footware. Given that the story takes place in Vietnam, I assume they work for Nike.

6. They don’t live in a cave, dammit. That would be a demeaning cliche. They live in a gingerbread house.

8 thoughts on “Dinklage rips Disney a new one

  1. “The dwarfism community? I had no idea dwarfism was an adjective.”

    The fuck is the matter with you? That’s perfectly OK. English is like that.

    1. Ypu’re right in that the new trend in English is to use nouns as adjectives. We used to say an Argentine melody, or a Canadian auto, but now I hear an Argentina melody and a Canada auto more and more. Languages keep evolving constantly, particularly in the direction of informality.

    1. He played Villechaize accurately. He was a buffoon to the extent that Herve himself was a buffoon. As a general rule, accuracy trumps political correctness. Obviously there is no accuracy to consider in a story about imaginary dwarfs. They can be whatever you imagine them to be. They can all be magical cobblers or they can all be university professors. They can all be living together, or they can just get together as a support group.

      On the other hand, accuracy does not always trump political correctness, which means that Huckleberry Finn is pretty much lost to future students..

  2. Just change it to Snow White and the Seven Home Floresiensis. They’d be short and it would make sense that they would live in a cave. Your welcome Disney.

  3. Ironically, Dinklage’s comments will probably take roles away from dwarf actors. Not sure what practical good he’s doing here.

  4. Someone needs to chat with Dinklage and inform him fantasy Dwarves are a race, and not handicapped people.

    He must have major issues with Lord of the Rings.

  5. Slimey and Tipsy could live in a tree and make cookies. They aren’t believable as elves, but people pretend they’re passing successfully so they won’t stop making cookies. Though no one wants to buy the ones made late in Slimey’s shift.

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