The end may be nigh. The Bengals won a playoff game!

That has to be one of the signs of the end times, right?

Their last post-season victory, more than fifty thousand years ago, is only known from oral history. The balladeers sing that they defeated a team of seven Neanderthals and four actual Bengal tigers, a legendary victory that earned them their name.

The four-legged tigers made some rough tackles, but they weren’t much at holding on to the ball. Their claws deflated more balls than Tom Brady.

OK, maybe I exaggerated a bit, but 31 years is a long break between playoff wins.

17 thoughts on “The end may be nigh. The Bengals won a playoff game!

  1. So since we’re talking Djokovich again, those Aussies can really return Serb, can’t they?

    1. True enough, but as far as the international complaints about their depleted tournament goes, they de-Serbed it.

  2. It was a long time ago. The last time they went to the playoffs my high school marching band played the halftime show–and I was still in the band.

  3. It was because Andy Dalton is a notorious choker & Marvin Lewis’ coaches made horrific play calls. They never had a chance to win with Dalton routinely throwing wild balls into the stands like it was Free Football day, and Vontaze Burfict inventing new penalties on every play.

    Now that they have a QB who can throw, a Rookie of the Year receiver, and a coach who outcoached Andy Reid, we’re finally seeing some results.

  4. The Bengals’ win was only the first sign of the Apocalypse. Next would be when the Lions win a playoff game, which they haven’t done since 1992. So, nothing to worry about.

    1. Hell, they’re happy just to win a regular season game! In 2008 they didn’t even do that. Their current 3-year stretch (11-36-2) isn’t even that bad by their standards. In 2008-10, they were 8-40. In 2001-03, they were 10-38.

      I don’t know if they are the most pathetic franchise in major sports, but they have to be in the conversation.

      It’s the Alex Karras curse. From 1952-57, they played for the championship four times in six years, winning three times. In 1958 they drafted Mongo, immediately had two dismal seasons, and never played for the championship again.

  5. The Browns only had a 26-year drought. Yep, 31 is a longie. Would have been snapped years ago but for Burfect & the Pacman snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against the Stillers.
    Btw, how about them Cowboys?

      1. As somebody on the Raiders said back in the 70s about that America’s Team shit, “If they’re America’s team, what does that make the rest of us, Guatemalans?”

        1. Given their storied history with drugs, the Cowboys might well lay claim to being Colombia’s Team.

        1. That goatfuck at the end was a thing of beauty. Particularly the linemen impeding the zebra.

          1. I spent yesterday at home because of the snowstorm, and had my TV on ESPN basically as background noise. I swear to God, at least 75% of all the talk that day was spent on that last play in the Cowboys game. It’s already gotta be one of the most analyzed plays in sports history.

          2. That hook-and-ladder earlier in the drive was sofa king slick, can’t believe the same guy thought that run was a good idea. If Dak went off-script it will come up next contract negotiation.

          3. He’s always my second choice as a source of blame:

            1. Blame it on the Bossa Nova, with its magic spell.
            2. If that fails, blame Djokovich

            I do have to admit, albeit reluctantly, that there were a few years in the eighties when I blamed the Lambada rather than the Bossa Nova. Oh, I was a callow youth, carried away by something that appeared to be true change, but was merely a trend. There is only one true dance of love.

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