“Due to the ongoing pandemic, this year’s penis festival will, tragically, not be a public event.”

I think we will be fine celebrating Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day quietly by ourselves.

Hemingway once wrote, “If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.” The same is true of Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day. Oh, sure, this year we will miss the Giant Pink Japanese Penis Carols, and the crazy students will miss their chance to participate in the traditional Running of the Dicks, but the real Giant Pink Japanese Penis is inside all of us.

So to speak.