“Injured Birthday Clown Taken Behind Bouncy House To Be Shot”

“Explaining that it was best to put him out of his misery as quickly as possible, local father and birthday party host Ian Klassen reportedly took an injured clown behind the bouncy house Friday to shoot him.”

“‘He immediately tried to get back up and start juggling, but collapsed as soon as he put weight on the leg. He’s been honking his nose in distress. The smile is painted on, but underneath all that makeup, you can see he’s in pain. Well, let’s get this over with, and then we can have cake.’ At press time, sources confirmed Klassen had handed the birthday boy the shotgun, saying it was his son’s birthday clown and his son’s responsibility.”

That will teach the kid to be a man!

7 thoughts on ““Injured Birthday Clown Taken Behind Bouncy House To Be Shot”

    1. Because nobody responded, I’m going to double down:

      If you ever need acclownting services, make sure you hire the Ringling Brothers Acclowntants, do not hire Barnum and Bailey – they’re a bunch of bozos!

          1. This isn’t about the clown part, but about the ‘bookkeeper’ part. According to Donald J. Sobol, the author of Encylopedia Brown, ‘bookkeeper’ is the only word in the english language to have 3 double letters in a row.

            In one story, he nabs some 6th grade student, whose father refers to her as a ‘bookkeeper’ for stealing something because she couldn’t think of the word in English that contains three double letters in a row.

            There is a real funny review on ‘The Encylepedia Brown Encylopedia’ which points out one of the things that I wondered: just because her father called her that, it doesn’t follow that she knew how to spell it, the review also points out some other bizarre things in the set-up of the story:

            I’m not sure who is smoking what over at The Friends of the Library to have dreamed this event up, but to celebrate the group’s sixth anniversary, they were giving a vocabulary quiz to the neighborhood children. The contest was only open to sixth-graders who held a job.

            Why? Okay, I can almost understand why it was only open to sixth-graders. Since they were celebrating six years, there was a number six connection. That’s nice, I suppose, except for the fact that if they were to do that every year, their contests would be open to the same group of children.

            The whole “oh, and you have to hold a job” stipulation makes absolutely no sense. How many sixth-graders had jobs? And why didn’t Encyclopedia enter? He had a job. He would have torn that shit up.

            To bring this back to the original point, there is a funny Onion story on the Encylopedia Brown gang grown up.

  1. Please post Natasha Henstridge (species)’s new nude scenes from House Red.
    I can’t find then anywhere online.

    Many thanks.

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