Sorry, Oregonians, you will no longer be able to buy my Scoopy-branded kangaroo dicks

Bill banning sale of kangaroo parts introduced in Oregon

This will take its toll on the Scoopy Store, but my spotted owl buffalo wings are still available, and everything in them is genuine – meaning that the wings really come from spotted owls and the buffalo sauce is actually made from bison. Unlike the Native Americans, we do NOT use every part of the buffalo. We use only the flanks to make our sauce, then dump the gigantic, stinking carcass out of town, near the interstate.

Also – now available for take-out anywhere in the country except Oregon: my juicy Scoop Steaks. Trump had his shitty steaks and I have mine. The big difference is that every one of mine is guaranteed to be from an endangered species. The juiciest, by far, are the delicious manatee steaks. You used to have to come to my restaurants to eat ’em, but now we store ’em and ship ’em frozen, and pass the savings on to you. Well, that’s only half-true. The passing-on part is true, but there are no savings. In fact there are all sorts of extra costs associated with the freezing process, but if its any consolation we do pass those on to you.

One thought on “Sorry, Oregonians, you will no longer be able to buy my Scoopy-branded kangaroo dicks

  1. As they are killed for dog food the skins are just a byproduct and with about 50 mill of them they are not endagered.
    Most tourists first sight of a Kangaroo is dead on the side of the road.

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