Target Removes All Towels From Stores After Soaking-Wet Lunatic Objects To Dryness

“At press time, Target mandated that all employees should be drenched from head-to-toe

That’s from The Onion, of course. If you don’t get the joke, it’s based on this.

11 thoughts on “Target Removes All Towels From Stores After Soaking-Wet Lunatic Objects To Dryness

  1. I first thought the complaints were from the LGBTQTIA+ community and that they didn’t want to see a corporation make money off of their pride month. But I guess it’s just the traditional conservative protests.

    1. An economic boycott is fine. Protesters are certainly free to switch to non-Target retailers and to encourage others to follow that example. Even if their cause is wrong-headed, they have the right to spend their dollars as they please. (Imagine how much extra time these people have on their hands that they can wander aisle-by-aisle through mass retail outlets to see if anything offends them.)

      But threatening harm to Target employees is sheer madness. Our country is fucked up. People threaten physical harm to others whose company sells products that other people want – products that cause no harm to anyone.

      1. Yeah at first I thought – grow a pair Target. Don’t let random shitheads run your business. But y’know, everyone’s got an AR these days and just *one* mass shooting can really make your store the place to not be.

      2. Do we know employees were threatened? Do we think maybe that was an easy thing to say to ‘get out of their decision’? Probably. This country is fucked up, and it’s a lack of tolerance on the left’s part that is the reason. Either you agree with the social justice de jour, or you are a close-minded, transphobic bigot.

        Fuck that.

        Consumers did NOT have an issue with Dylen McVulney. Yes, there are always assholes out there, but they are the minority and can be ignored with minimal effort. People have an issue with Alissa Heinersheid calling EVERY EXISITNG customer fratty and out of touch. They offended their consumers, pure and simple. Of course, there is no victim card to play for that, so we’ll keep it ‘transphobic’.

        Consumers did NOT have an issue with Target supporting pride month, and for 10 years it’s been a non-issue. What’s different? Feeling the need to be louder and more shocking, I guess. Absolutely true, went into Target with my son to buy a bike helmet 3 days ago. We’re in a blue state so there’s none of this backlash and the pride display is right up front. 15 seconds into our trip my 7-year-old boy asked me what a ‘tuck-friendly’ bathing suit is. That’s simply a conversation I do not want to have with him yet, does not make me a bad person or a bigot.

        Fuck that again.

        1. Almost always it is the companies that mess up and end up with products that don’t sell. They then lie when they make changes like move items to the back to try avoid calls for boycotts. The media loves these nonsense stories and there are millions who have not a single clue about business or the real world and they suck it up. Money rules everything and amazingly many out there still don’t understand how much.

  2. Obviously the work of the “woke” corporate empires forcing easily ignored things down consumers throats. See this obviously why the right wing nuts are justified – see them forcing the option to buy something at a store down people’s throats! Just like that trans person promoting BUD LIGHT contest on an easily ignored social media post!

    How dare they shove this “woke” crap down people’s throats by .. existing. My opinion is equal and as valid as theirs that they SHOULDN’T EXIST. Where’s my airtime Newsmax and FOX? It’s my right as an American with free speech to tell them they should have the right to exist or have free speech themselves D-it!

    1. My real problem with a trans person pushing Bud Light is that they’re pushing Bud Light. Beside being fucking near water, that shit is made with rice.

  3. The controversy is seriously overblown, but it’s a serious problem for Target because they’ve lost $9 Billion in market cap since the controversy broke last week. You’d think it would take a LOT more fabric to tuck away that much shareholder value. But I think what this demonstrates is that companies can’t just attempt to appeal to the woke Twitterverse. They really need to consider how the redder parts of the country might react. That’s not a value statement. It’s more an acknowledgment of reality.

    1. Target has been rolling out their rainbowy shit for pride month longer than anyone has been using “woke” in its current meaning, possibly longer than Twatter has been around.
      Where are all the “the free market is magic” and “freedom of commercial speech” types now? You’d expect them to jump in on Target’s behalf if they had convictions rather than “convictions.”

      1. Amen – they are fascists that are only for Free Speech when the speech is something they agree with – then they call it Freedom!!!. When they don’t agree with it, they call it Woke.


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