He comes for the souls, but stays for those delicious sizzlin’ steaks!
Very few people know that the Prince of Darkness likes his steaks medium rare, but they’re always overcooked down there in Hell, so he really enjoys an occasional business trip to KC. He will catch a Chiefs game from time to time, but he’s not really a football fan. He’s just a Swiftie!
(In baseball it goes without saying that he’s an Astros fan and usually sits with his close friend, Ted Cruz.)
Also, it’s nice to have a meal and small talk with some simple Kansas folks. Eating every meal with Judas, Hitler and Nixon can be tedious.
Judas: Hey, Nixon, enough with your pathetic crises, man. You wanna talk crisis? I betrayed the son of God. Let’s see you weasel out of that with some sappy speech about your dog. What was I going to say, “Look here, your omnipotence, Mrs. Judas wears a simple cloth coat, and I used my thirty pieces of silver to buy this cute little doggie named Checkers. The Judas kids love that dog, and I’m not giving him up.” God the Father was so angry he would have thrown Checkers into Hell with me and roasted both of us on a spit.