Festivus is not the most important holiday on my calendar. Number one would be Shatmas (Bill Shatner’s birthday), followed by Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day, followed by Salieri Day. Those are the High Holidays.

But there is also room for celebration elsewhere – so I share some holidays with other faiths, like today’s exercise in Costanza worship, and maybe Zorro Asstrionism, the day when we pray to Saint Sargeant Garcia.