Category: Entertainment

The worst attraction in every state

UncleScoopy

What the hell is wrong with the Grand Canyon?

Now I want to go to Vermont, just to see the world’s tallest filing cabinet. Forget Tuscany and the South of France. Vermont is party central!

Dover Downs, whatever that is, may be lame, but I am kinda surprised that there are any attractions at all in Delaware, lame or not. As I recall, their “Welcome” sign says, “Hi, you have accidentally entered Delaware. Check your GPS.”

I have not been to the Field of Dreams, and I will concede that it probably sucks, but I can’t see how it could be less interesting than the Bridges of Madison County.

And while I’m on a roll, how could Times Square be a worse New York attraction than this legendary state park?

Naked on stage: Janet Fielding in The Warp 1979

UncleScoopy

RARE

Janet Fielding is an Australian actress who acted in Doctor Who as companion Tegan Jovanka. This is Fielding’s sex and post-sex scene in a play called The Warp, by Neil Oram, performed in January of 1979, at the ICA Theatre on The Mall in London, just off Trafalgar Square.

The Warp is notorious in that its ten acts require 22 hours to present in full, and the lead character is on stage for all but five minutes. It is often broken down into several performances on consecutive nights, but it has been performed straight through, causing the Guinness people to certify it as the longest play ever performed. For the lead actor it’s more a test of memorization and bladder control than actual acting. (I suppose the audience has to exercise some impressive bladder control as well. It must be like attending one of those EST sessions.)

“Artist Creates Photorealistic Images of Every Roman Emperor”

UncleScoopy

That’s an interesting project! It really brings these guys to life.

  • Vespasian was LBJ.
  • Augustus looked kinda like Daniel Craig
  • Nerva looked like crochety old character actor John Anderson
  • Aemilian was our old Other Crap favorite, F. Murray Abraham.
  • Florianus was Artie Lange after an especially debauched evening.
  • Gordian III was Scott Baio.
  • Titus was a morph of Tom Arnold and Art Garfunkel.
  • According to this, Commodus looked like Dennis Rodman, not Joaquin Phoenix. I can’t reconcile that with his busts.

Their appearances, as pictured here, cause me to judge them with prejudice. I know, for example, that Titus was one of the more capable and virtuous (if short-lived) emperors, but it’s difficult to picture that because he looks like a doofus.

One woman who would sink two studios

UncleScoopy

Or at least two studio heads. She really gets around!

“Movie studios are crumbling for many reasons right now, but one less discussed reason seems to be that their executives keep getting involved in sex scandals that involve the actress Charlotte Kirk.”

Kirk will play Nicole Brown in the upcoming “Nicole and O.J.”

The only nudity that I know of in her career came in the immortal cinema classic Tekken: Kazuya’s Revenge (below)

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Our long national nightmare is over

UncleScoopy

There will be a Saved by the Bell revival.

Which seems like an appropriate item for a site called “Other Crap.”

There’s a new cast of students. Slater and Jesse Spano are adults, and Zack Morris is now the governor of California.

I would watch it if Belding were to be in it, but they showed no respect for my main man, and that’s not the way I roll. In my world, you have to respect Shatner, Clint Howard, Wilford Brimley, Urkel, Road House, Dean Wormer, the neighbors on Ozzie and Harriet (Doc, Darb and Thorny), and the immortal Principal Belding.

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OK, I’m just fuckin’ witcha. I wouldn’t watch this crap if they brought Patrick Swayze back to life to play Principal Dalton.

Well, I guess maybe I’d watch the first five minutes. I’d have to see Principal Zombie Dalton, just to find out if “pain still don’t hurt,” and of course to see him eat Screech’s brain. (I assume that would be a very light snack for a hungry zombie – kind of like the zombie equivalent of a Snickers break.)

Zoe Saldana gave a heartfelt apology for portraying Nina Simone in the 2016 film “Nina.”

UncleScoopy

Talk about political correctness.

Saldana is a black Latina. Simone was a darker-skinned black woman, so Saldana wore make-up to make her look more like Simone. So now she is apologizing for wearing “blackface.”

Scoop’s new laws:

(1) From now on, nobody can play a non-fictional role unless they look exactly like the person they are playing.
(2) While make-up and prosthetics are not allowed to enhance the illusion, surgical alteration is permissible. (If you are willing to make yourself look exactly like Bob Dylan in real life, you can play him in a movie.)
(3) Unless the actor’s skin is darker than the skin of the person they are playing, ala “Hamilton.”

A very large capture of Molly Ringwald in Malicious

UncleScoopy

For many guys, this was their glorious coming-of-age moment – ala Katie Holmes in The Gift, Jennifer Connelly in The Hot Spot, or Phoebe Cates in Fast Times.

When I was that age, there essentially was no nudity in films, so I don’t really have such a moment. The first naked woman I ever saw in a film was Romy Schneider in Boccaccio ’70 (1962). That was a very brief peek at one breast, and I needed a tremendous amount of chicanery to get that evanescent glimpse, as I have recounted many times over the years. The first naked woman I ever saw in an American movie was Thelma Oliver in The Pawnbroker (1964). Thelma was not a famous person, but at least that was a clear, unobstructed look in good light.

Olivia de Havilland, last surviving lead of ‘Gone with the Wind,’ dies at 104

UncleScoopy

De Havilland went on to earn her own Academy Award in 1946 for her performance in “To Each His Own,” a melodrama about out-of-wedlock birth. A second Oscar came three years later for “The Heiress,” in which she portrayed a plain young homebody (as plain as it was possible to make de Havilland) opposite Montgomery Clift and Sir Ralph Richardson in an adaptation of Henry James’ “Washington Square.”

R.I.P. Regis Philbin (88) and John Saxon (83)

UncleScoopy

At one point the Guinness Book of Records recognized that Regis Philbin had spent more time on camera than anyone in the history of US television – some 17,000 hours. To recognize the enormity of that, imagine that you spend two hours a day on camera, five days a week, 52 weeks per year, with no vacations. Even at that pace, it would take you more than 30 years to get to Regis level.

John Saxon’s face is one that everyone knows. He has been ubiquitous throughout our lifetimes, having appeared in more than 100 films, and nearly as many different TV shows.