“Florida man tries robbing Publix with stapler”
It’s not that weird. In the UK, the police actually use staplers as their weapon of choice.
“Halt – or I’ll yell ‘halt’ again a little louder, and on the off chance you actually halt, I’ll affix!”
Category: Nonsense
Eight people, including five children, were injured after a Thai navy helicopter dropped flowers and sweets over a National Children’s Day event.
For years we have shared a few chuckles over Giant Pink Japanese Day, but very few of us are able to attend the festivities.
Well, wait no longer. The biggest, pinkest penis from the Japanese festival is going on tour! It appears that they may start celebrating Giant Pink Japanese Day in Ft. Lauderdale!
A couple of months ago, the city hosted a Christmas tree lighting ceremony as well as a Menorah Lighting Celebration. Those were religious celebrations promoted by government officials, suggesting that the public square was open to anyone who wanted to host a similar event.
Enter Chaz Stevens, a local activist known for seeing an opening and driving a monster truck through it. He asked the city earlier this month for permission to host an event of his own on April 2 in honor of Kanamara Matsuri, the Shinto “Festival of the Steel Phallus.”
Given that I have done more to promote this festival than any other American, I believe I should be the honorary grand poobah of this event, especially since it is a Shinto festival, and everyone always says I am full of Shinto. At least that’s what I think they are saying.
It’s good to be the king. Or even the heir. Or even the spare. Harry can have the royal tailor make a custom codpiece for the ol’ duke dick, to keep it from getting damaged in a particularly bouncy fox hunt. Tally-ho to his tallywacker!
Here are more tales of Prince Harry’s frozen phallus, which gives new meaning to the phrase “cold cock.” “Hey, I was just minding my business in the arctic when I got cold-cocked. That explains my black eye. Oh, and also my petrified peter.”
I guess the shivering royal ramrod also gives new meaning to the phrase “a stiff dick.”
I wonder: Did Meghan get her tongue stuck to the polar pole, like that kid who licks the pole in A Christmas Story.
Given the new revelations about the Harry Canary, suffice it to say that the ginger prince has now joined yet another club for members only!
The same performer appears in The Wizard of Oz, The Bride Came C.O.D., Arsenic and Old Lace, You Can’t Take It With You and It’s a Wonderful Life.
And that Hollywood legend is …
Click on the pic to get to a gallery:
Shellacked Stepdad points out:
Well, there’s another Baldwin, this time a skinny one with tits, she’s from the lesser known, or lesser successful Baldwin, who is actually pretty embarrassing on Twitter last I saw….BILLY BALDWIN….the star of what would be straight to DVD if DVDs were still a thing. He’s a real fucking loser of a Baldwin which is why I like him the best.
Anyway, he knocked up Chynna Phillips, daughter of the Mamas and the Papas main players. They have a 22-year-old daughter and she’s hot.
Scoop’s note:
Daniel Baldwin, who may be the least successful of the brothers, but is certainly the fattest, also has a couple of grown daughters. Alexandra is a model. Kahlea is a producer. Daniel’s family tree is complicated. He has five children by four different women, and they range in age from 13 to 38. You probably know that Alec has seven children with two women, and the kids range in age from 1 to 27.
Billy and Stephen are straight-laced compared to their brothers. Each has been married to only one woman, with three and two children, respectively. Stephen is a grandfather through Hailey’s sister Alaia.
Their older sister, Elizabeth, also has a large brood (a son and five daughters), and several grandchildren. The other Baldwin sister has two kids, so if I have the count right, the six sibs have produced 25 children. So each of them has 24 first cousins from just one side of the family. The oldest of those cousins was born in January of 1978, the youngest in February of 2021, more than 43 years later.
In an illustration of the thorough but incredibly useless info on the internet, Wikipedia has the entire family tree of the Baldwin sibs.
Maybe – in the sense that she resembles an orca.
I saw BPP open for Pussy Riot at Coochella
Hindu organisations beat up Santa Claus
Just curious – are Jay and Silent Bob Hindus, by any chance?
This by the way, is a literal masturbating walrus and not the eponymous rock group that used to open for Screeching Weasel.
“Out near California’s Yosemite National Park, a group of nuns is growing, harvesting and producing their own line of cannabis products.”
“Known as the Sisters of the Valley, the women are not associated with any traditional religion. Rather, they see themselves as feminist healers. But through their cannabis ventures, the collective is known to go by another name: the ‘weed nuns.'”
(NOTE: they only produce CBD products. No THC. Or so they claim.)
Full name of the film: La fessée ou Les mémoires de monsieur Léon maître-fesseur
Description: “Monsieur Léon has two jobs: bank clerk during the day and spanker at night. First called to solve the sexual problems of his boss, he will not stop there. Aided by his milkmaid who will serve as secretary, he soon acquired a renown as master-spanker.”
This was obviously inspired by one of the plays in Ibsen’s “Master” cycle. While the Master Builder is better known, the Master Spanker appears to have a lot more laughs. And what a funny guy Ibsen was! He himself was known as the Master Jester.
“In other financial news, more and more people are buying cryptocurrencies, which appeal to investors because the cryptocurrency market is not controlled by the government. Instead it is controlled by 13-year-old Justin Weeblemonger of Teaneck, N.J., who runs the whole shebang out of his PlayStation 5. (Justin also controls airline fares.)”
The Washington Post has both parts, if you can get past their pay wall.
Well, yeah, maybe that.
Or maybe because he’s an old coot playing a young man’s game with a mediocre receiving corps.
Hard to say.
To be fair, Brady has not been bad. He leads the league in completions. He is second in the NFL in interception percentage, and is the very best in the NFL at avoiding the sack, which is impressive for an old codger who had no foot speed even when he was young (so he’s not doing that with his legs). The only weakness evident from his stats is that he is second-last in the league in yards per completion and yards per attempt, but that kinda tells you more about the Bucs’ offensive strategy than about Brady himself.
By the way, although they suck mightily, the Buccaneers are in first place in a division of ultra-suckitude (despite a 6-8 record and a point differential of minus 41), so Brady might get one more (extreme long shot) chance at the Owl.
I (and pretty much everyone else) have been playing the game incorrectly all these years.
The rule we have been ignoring:
“Whenever a player lands on an unowned property he may buy that property from the Bank at its printed price. If he does not wish to buy the property it is sold at auction by the Banker to the highest bidder.”
Note that anyone may bid, including the player who declined to buy it at face value, and there is no minimum or maximum bid. Therefore, in any sensible game, a property should be sold every time somebody lands on it. If you don’t want it, I’ll be happy to start the bidding at a dollar, so either I or someone else must acquire it. That removes most of the luck from the game, since one’s fate is determined less by lucky dice rolls than by quickly accumulating the right properties at the right prices.
If you are familiar with the highly detailed Gospel of St Polycarp, you are aware that this same thing happened at the birth of Jesus, when the Magi failed to tie up their mounts. Not only was Bethlehem a traffic nightmare, but the camels shook off their saddlebags and there was myrrh everywhere. If you are particularly religious, you may have made a pilgrimage to Bethlehem for the annual commemoration of the event at the Myrrh-Fest and Gefiltefish Picnic. There are those who say that the Bethlehem sewers still reek of myrrh to this day, and Sewers International Magazine usually chooses them as #1 in its Best of Shit awards for their “woody, warm, aromatic and pungent” character.
One of the NFTs, originally priced at $99, is now offered for resale at $24,000. Even the commons have doubled in value.
He’s not exactly the ideal celebrity spokesperson for a drug that makes people speed up. He moves slower than the plot of a Terrence Malick movie. Joe Biden Cocaine makes about as much sense as Nick Cannon Condoms.
As the song goes: