“Trump thought the military’s top officer made $5 million a year”

“When Kelly asked Trump how much he thought the Joint Chiefs chairman earns, the president responded with a guess of $5 million. The post actually pays less than $200,000. According to the report, when corrected by Kelly, Trump suggested that Gen. Joseph Dunford, the current chairman of the Joint Chiefs, should get a large raise and noted how many stars he had on his uniform.”

OK, two hundred grand isn’t that Trumpian, but there are plenty of perks. For example, each one of those stars can be traded in for a free foot-long at participating Subways, excluding premium sandwiches and double-meat upgrades.

Offer not valid in Alaska or Hawaii.

(This anecdote leads me to believe that Trump must not know his own salary, which is $400,000. Surely he doesn’t think that a military officer would make more than his commander in chief? No. Never mind. He’s not capable of a thought that complex.)

“Blac Chyna Selling Skin Whitening Cream”

“In a post on her Instagram page, she said she had partnered with a beauty line called Whitenicious to launch a face cream in Lagos, Nigeria’s largest city. The company website describes the Whitenicious x Blac Chyna Collection as an ‘illuminating and brightening cream that lightens without bleaching skin out.’ A jar of the cream, handcrafted with Swarovski crystals, will cost $250.”

Only $250 bucks per jar? Righteous offer!

Who knew that the people in Lagos had that kind of disposable income?

It’s difficult to imagine how one man could say so many dumb things. This guy makes Dan Quayle seem like Isaac Newton. To be fair to Trump, he did actually identify a country with a lot of forest land, which surprises me. I’m surprised that he even knows the name of the country, although I’d be willing to wager he could not find it on a map.

Rake America Great Again.

No, they don’t rake the forests in Finland. It would be quite a task. They have approximately 5,000 trees for each person. I’m pretty sure that job would really cut into their sauna time.

But they should!

The 70-year-old loves squirrels “to the extent that he’s given them names and is allowing them into the house.”

After having observed him for approximately the entire length of my life, I am now officially ready to announce that Bonnie Prince Chuck is kind of a dweeb.

No offense, Brits. Love your country. Just about anything that’s worthwhile in the world is so because of England. But this guy is playin’ cricket with some missing wickets.

5 Surprising Reasons Actors Turned Down Major Movie Roles

That headline in quotation marks is misleading. Krasinski didn’t “turn down” Captain America because they never offered it to him. He did, however, realize at audition time that he wasn’t Cap material.

Canada: Land of Excitement

The Supreme Court of Canada agreed Thursday to hear the case of a woman who was ticketed and arrested after she refused to hold onto an escalator handrail.

That fiend! I know Canada doesn’t believe in the death penalty, but they should probably make an exception in this case.

I have to say, though, as dumb as this is, that it must be great to live in a country where the police and the courts have nothing more pernicious than this to occupy their time.

Which reminds me.

One day when I lived in Norway, the major Oslo newspaper had a headline about a purse stolen at the airport. We’re talkin’ a major headline here, giant type, like “Pearl Harbor Bombed” or “Hitler Invades Poland.” And, yes, it was very nice to live in, and especially to raise children in, a country that safe and dull. (Sorry, but you won’t be able to recreate that. I hear that Norway now has sleaze and crime just like everyplace else.)