In the first episode of I Love Lucy, somebody said “Why don’t we have a cigarette?” The result looked like this:

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They took the cigarettes out of a wooden box and never identified the brand, so the show wasn’t cashing in on a product placement. It was just a general pro-smoking message! Worse yet, Lucille Ball was obviously very pregnant (in real life) while she puffed away. She wore robes and aprons to hide it because her character was not pregnant, but it was painfully obvious whenever her contour could be seen. (Note how in the scene above she was in a very odd outfit for wandering around the apartment.)

Later in the episode, there was an obvious product placement. Fred and Ricky each drank a bottle of Ruppert beer on camera, and when they set the bottles down, the labels were conveniently turned toward the camera and in focus.

He was playing hide-and-seek in Bangladesh, but was never found by his playmates. He was eventually discovered in Malaysia, more than 2,000 miles away. When it comes to hide-and-seek, he is the GOAT.

(He hid in a shipping container, fell asleep … etc. And, yes, it sounds like a plot to a contrived movie, but it was no fun for him. He was lucky to live through it after being in the container for a full week that left him starving and dehydrated.)

Bill banning sale of kangaroo parts introduced in Oregon

This will take its toll on the Scoopy Store, but my spotted owl buffalo wings are still available, and everything in them is genuine – meaning that the wings really come from spotted owls and the buffalo sauce is actually made from bison. Unlike the Native Americans, we do NOT use every part of the buffalo. We use only the flanks to make our sauce, then dump the gigantic, stinking carcass out of town, near the interstate.

Also – now available for take-out anywhere in the country except Oregon: my juicy Scoop Steaks. Trump had his shitty steaks and I have mine. The big difference is that every one of mine is guaranteed to be from an endangered species. The juiciest, by far, are the delicious manatee steaks. You used to have to come to my restaurants to eat ’em, but now we store ’em and ship ’em frozen, and pass the savings on to you. Well, that’s only half-true. The passing-on part is true, but there are no savings. In fact there are all sorts of extra costs associated with the freezing process, but if its any consolation we do pass those on to you.

This brings back unpleasant memories of the phrase heard by so many of us who have lived in New York. “OK, buddy, your shoes or your life!”

He claims that muggers took his shoes at three in the afternoon on one of Manhattan’s busiest corners (55th St and 5th Ave).

He presumably made his way home in his socks, assuming that they were not stolen.

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The woman on the left is the actress Maureen O’Sullivan, who played Jane in several Tarzan movies, and went on to a long career in the industry. The taller woman is a lesser-known actress named Ann Morriss, who was about 5’9″. The actresses were working on a 1938 film called Spring Madness.

Wadlow was about nine feel tall when he died at 22. He wore a size 37 shoe (some sources say 39), and weighed 481 pounds at his highest point. He is the tallest known human in history, and was still growing when he died.

I love this guy!

Somebody unearthed the fact that he performed in Brazil as a drag queen, and he denied it.

Needless to say, there’s always a paper trail!

He is absolutely the most entertaining story to come along in politics in years. It appears that the voters elected a completely fictional character!

In a way his lies are sheer genius, because he ran as a MAGA Republican in a Democratic-leaning district (Biden won it by seven points) and won with a brilliant strategy. Assured of all the MAGA votes, he siphoned off enough liberal votes by claiming to be a gay, Black, Jewish Latino who overcame a brain tumor, whose grandparents were holocaust survivors, and whose grandmother died on 9-11. He pretty much ticked off every concern of liberal identity politics, except that he somehow forgot to mention that he was the descendant of slaves. In essence he created a special kind of liberal Frankenstein monster – let’s call it an Al Frankenstein.

Did you see the guy Jimmy Kimmel hired to impersonate Santos? Uncanny resemblance:

For years we have shared a few chuckles over Giant Pink Japanese Day, but very few of us are able to attend the festivities.

Well, wait no longer. The biggest, pinkest penis from the Japanese festival is going on tour! It appears that they may start celebrating Giant Pink Japanese Day in Ft. Lauderdale!

A couple of months ago, the city hosted a Christmas tree lighting ceremony as well as a Menorah Lighting Celebration. Those were religious celebrations promoted by government officials, suggesting that the public square was open to anyone who wanted to host a similar event.

Enter Chaz Stevens, a local activist known for seeing an opening and driving a monster truck through it. He asked the city earlier this month for permission to host an event of his own on April 2 in honor of Kanamara Matsuri, the Shinto “Festival of the Steel Phallus.”

Given that I have done more to promote this festival than any other American, I believe I should be the honorary grand poobah of this event, especially since it is a Shinto festival, and everyone always says I am full of Shinto. At least that’s what I think they are saying.

It’s good to be the king. Or even the heir. Or even the spare. Harry can have the royal tailor make a custom codpiece for the ol’ duke dick, to keep it from getting damaged in a particularly bouncy fox hunt. Tally-ho to his tallywacker!

Here are more tales of Prince Harry’s frozen phallus, which gives new meaning to the phrase “cold cock.” “Hey, I was just minding my business in the arctic when I got cold-cocked. That explains my black eye. Oh, and also my petrified peter.”

I guess the shivering royal ramrod also gives new meaning to the phrase “a stiff dick.”

I wonder: Did Meghan get her tongue stuck to the polar pole, like that kid who licks the pole in A Christmas Story.

Given the new revelations about the Harry Canary, suffice it to say that the ginger prince has now joined yet another club for members only!