Norway women’s beach handball team fined for wearing shorts instead of bikini bottoms

That’s how you maintain a brand. The high sheriffs of that sport know how to assure the quality spectator experience in anything called “women’s beach ____.”

I’m not totally resistant to change. After all, I’ve accepted the designated hitter, so I’d go along if the women decided to play naked. Then they could wear skimpy bikinis on nostalgia days, like when baseball players wear those old-timey loose flannels.

Isn’t this a song?

No, not that gay anthem by Paul Shaffer.

This one:

They’re rioting in Africa
They’re starving in Spain
There’s hurricanes in Florida
And it’s raining cocaine

Twelve million dollars worth of cocaine lands on somebody’s roof in Sardinia

It did break a solar panel when it landed, but the homeowners could easily have paid for that if they hadn’t informed the police. Do you think Farmers will cover it? They’ve seen a thing or two.

” … for educational purposes

Among the conditions to be fulfilled by bidders is that the sculptures be neatly polished and measure around 6.7 inches. If you have them lying around, they are willing to pay more than $130,000. I would love to do it, but I checked all my closets and storage spaces, and I can’t come up with more than 7500.

“Nicholas Hale, 50, brought the Fugging name change to light this summer while hyping his tour of towns with outrageous names: Cunt in Romania, Butthole Lane in Leicestershire, Titty Ho in Northamptonshire, Turkey Cock Lane in Essex, Wank Mountain in Germany and, yes, the now politely named Fugging in Austria.”

The “Birds aren’t real” movement plans to “spread the feathered gospel.”

I believe that people will actually start believing this. You can support that with a quote from one of two famous thinkers.

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

– Arthur Schopenhauer (allegedly)

“There is no idea too stupid to attract a large number of believers.”

– Uncle Scoopy

By the way, I don’t think Schopenhauer ever said that.

Continue reading ““All birds in the United States were killed by the government and replaced by federal drones.””

1. On two occasions shortly after its installation Bouscau reduced the size of the statue’s penis, following complaints from local women.

2. The statue’s penis has frequently been stolen and in 2016 the city council decided it would not be replaced permanently but that a temporary penis would be installed when public events were held near the statue.

Or maybe he’s really dead. You make the call.

“John McAfee, the 90s software magnate-turned-globe-trotting fugitive, was found dead on Wednesday afternoon in a Spanish prison cell just hours after a court authorized his extradition to the United States on tax evasion charges. McAfee was 75.”

“According to Spanish newspaper El Mundo, which cited a statement from the Catalan Departamento de Justicia confirming the death, attempts by jail staff to resuscitate McAfee were unsuccessful. Reuters confirmed the department’s statement, which said the death was most likely a suicide.”

“The Texas congressman asked whether there was anything the U.S. Forest Service could do ‘to change the course of the moon’s orbit or the Earth’s orbit around the sun.'”

The noted genius addressed a Forest Service spokesperson as follows: “If you figure out there’s a way in the Forest Service you could make that change, I’d like to know.”

Unfortunately, the Forest Service was too busy raking the forests to deploy any of their latest orbit-altering technology.

“It’s claimed they thought scene with Catwoman would impact toy sales

I guess the impact would depend on the specific nature of those toys.

If there is any live action footage of some 69 action between Adam West and Julie Newmar, I would gladly pay to see it. Especially if Burt Ward sees them and says, “Holy of Holies, Batman,” or perhaps

“Holy Grail, Batman”
“Holy Cats, Batman”

Jody Swafford applies lotion to Laura Lee in that glittering jewel of the silver screen, “Evils Of The Night” (1985)

The cast of this film is delightful: John Carradine, Tina Louise, Julie Newmar, Neville Brand and Aldo Ray. The production values really add to the fun, as they spared no expense on the special effects (I think they went to Toys R Us and bought something like a Battlestar Galactica toy, then hung it in front of a black background, Ed Wood style.)

About a decade later, the same director made a James Dean biopic starring Casper Van Dien. I have not seen that film, but once again, his casting was amazing: Connie Stevens, Casey Kasem, Diane Ladd, Robert Mitchum (?!), Mike Connors, and many others. That’s right, Robert Mitchum and Casey Kasem, together at last!