It’s been a tough stretch for the Prince of Darkness. At one time he was willing to challenge God himself, leading a rebellion of fallen angels in a battle for control of existence. And now? Plant-based burgers.

When that fails, he already has his next plan on the docket. His laboratories are busy, removing the gluten from everything. Yes, Satan is against gluten, that precious protein that God himself placed in our wheat.

Hickenlooper mania is on the march!

I’m already working on my Hickenlooper costume for Halloween.

The match-ups were determined by the luck of the draw:

Booker, Pocahontas, Beto and Klobuchar will go on Wednesday. Like any good sporting season, the ceremony will begin with the National Anthem and Klobuchar throwing out the first binder.

The second night will feature Hickenlooper …

… and some lesser, almost insignificant figures like Biden, Sanders, Harris and Mayor Pete. (Have you guessed that I can’t spell his last name? I know it begins with “Butt.”)

This night will also include a ringer, which could be a lot of fun. Do you recall the episode of Veep when Jonah only qualified for the second tier of candidates and therefore had to debate against Dumbledore? Well, Biden and Sanders will have to contend with their own Dumbledore – new age guru Marianne Williamson, who somehow made the cut into the final 20, even though the governor of Montana (a Democrat who won a red state) was eliminated. She will present a fascinating and possibly strange contrast to the mainstream pols.

I do miss having a president who spoke English as a native language.

So don’t put on any long-playing records.

Seriously, this link offers a perfect example of a lurid, irresponsible headline. (Clickbait? I guess I fell into their trap.)

Here’s the actual story beneath it:

“According to current modeling, it’s likely that 2006 QV89, which is on the risk list but not the priority list, will pass Earth at a distance of more than 4.2 million miles. The ESA does note that the likelihood of its model being off is less than one-hundredth of one percent.”

Ohio: “Not much to see. Not much to do.”

Oh, this is all in fun. There’s no need for outrage.

But …

Having spent a lot of time in both Ohio and Indiana, I’d have to say they might have things reversed. Your best chance to have fun in Indiana is to sneak across the border to Cincinnati or Louisville. Indiana has a lakefront on the Great Lakes, and they even fucked that up. Gary may be the ugliest place in the United States, and even gives come competition to the hell-holes of the third world.

Members of the military deployed near the U.S.-Mexico border have been assigned to spend a month painting a mile-long stretch of barriers to improve their “aesthetic appearance.”

Yeah, I got it. They’re going to pull a Road Runner. They’ll paint fake tunnels on the Mexican side of the wall. After all, that’s how you deal with coyotes!

The reporters informed him that Markle “wasn’t so nice to” Trump during the 2016 campaign, and that she said she would have moved to Canada if Trump was elected.

“I didn’t know that, no. So, what can I say? No, I didn’t know that she was nasty.”

Not only did he deny saying something he said on tape, but what’s more, he demanded an apology from the sources that reported it! Ya gotta love the cojones on the guy, but you have to think about something else. Nixon had to resign because he was recorded committing a crime. If that happened to Trump, he’d just deny that it happened. He’d claim it was “fake news,” and life would go on.

By the way, in an interview which will air tomorrow, Trump was asked about the incident and called her nasty again! “That’s okay for her to be nasty,” Trump told Piers Morgan.

North Korea executed its nuclear envoy to the United States as part of a purge of officials who steered negotiations for a failed summit between leader Kim Jong Un and U.S. President Donald Trump.”

However, nota bene:

“Previously, some North Korean officials who were reported to have been executed or purged reappeared later with new titles.”

Was the reporting wrong, or were those officials resurrected? Dunno. Kim-Beric Don-Darrion was not available to the press.