Does it matter? She still has a fuckload of money, which is approximately one fuckload more than she deserves.
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 31, 2020
Yeah, it makes good sense. In response to protests against excessive violence by authorities against black people, Trump says we need to use MORE violence. That should help quiet things down.
After an absence of two years, Necco Wafers make their triumphant return.
As you may know, nobody knew where the hell he was for a decade.
Mr. Serious, aka Greg Gomez Pead, “is living an anonymous and humble life in one of Sydney’s most affluent suburbs … in a modest two storey home.”
He looks like a normal suburban person, very fit and handsome for his age! (63 when the pics were taken, 66 now.). Yahoo lives alone except for a Jack Russell terrier. (Adorable pic of him and his puppy!)
So Young Einstein is now Elderly Einstein? Tempus Fugit. (And I guess Patrick Fugit as well.)
Man that Jack Russell guy sure gives away a lot of dogs. Lots of people seem to have his old pets.
Kidding aside, Jack Russell was a real guy, and he did have a lot of dogs.
If you have George Soros on your betting stub, you are a winner! Man, that didn’t take long.
If you have “the Jews,” you didn’t exactly win, but the book will pay off as a “place” bet.
And you know it’s true, because former game-show host Chuck Woolery tweeted that George Soros was the source of the civic unrest and had funded “violent anarchy against American cities.” I’m sure you know that the code of honor of game show hosts requires them to reveal the correct answer at all times.
Man, that Soros has a long reach. He’s everywhere!
To be fair, various left wingnuts have exactly parallel theories about how the riots are being incited by white supremacist crazies.
To date, note of these theories have been supported with evidence. It’s just the usual spinning and bloviating. The bloviator-in-chief chimed in with “80% of the RIOTERS in Minneapolis last night were from OUT OF STATE.” Minnesota’s governor agreed with that number. The actual number among those arrested was 14% (5 out of 36). Of course, Trump never was too slick on math. He’s the guy who thinks that 17×6= “eleven twelve.”
Of course they are right about me coming in from out of state. I am in Minneapolis now, not to encourage the riots, but merely to profit from them. I only came for the looting, as I do every time there is a significant weather disaster that causes a city to be abandoned, or anarchy in the streets that distracts the police. During that last hurricane in Miami, I really scored some sweet 4k TVs.
I do agree with this Trump tweet:
Our country is totally fractured and, with our weak leadership in Washington, you can expect Ferguson type riots and looting in other places
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 25, 2014
A ‘Karen’ is someone who throws a tantrum over any slight or inconvenience, often, but not necessarily, for racist reasons. Karens call the police on harmless non-whites and always ask to speak to the manager. They never mind their own business about somebody breaking a rule, even if the offender represents no problem of any kind.
Bill Maher explains:
The article mentions that some people consider the Karen concept sexist, but it isn’t really. While a Karen is usually an entitled, white suburban mother, anybody can be a Karen. For example, in that confrontation between the black birdwatcher and the angry white dog walker, they were both Karens, although the woman called the police for no reason, lied to them, and did so to report a harmless black man, which means she went FULL Karen.
But even a young black man can be a Karen because this is a country of equal opportunity. It’s such a great country that a Karen can even become President.
They are truly righteous men. ‘Cannabis burned during worship’ by ancient Israelites
“Recently more and more high school boys and girls are engaging in immoral sexual deviance, and the Central Committee of the Korean Workers’ Party has issued a directive calling for strong measures against them.”
Oh-oh. What could strong measures be in the North Korean context? I’ll bet it’s more than grounding them.
Man, those were the days when He spake as oft as He smote.
Dear God: Is there any truth to the rumor that the real reason @realDonaldTrump murdered poor #CarolynGombell is that she possessed his awful Fordham College transcript, that many people are saying is real, and threatened to release it? Is that rumor true? #JusticeForCarolyn pic.twitter.com/UNxqDr1FA1
— MyTooSense (@Gittelrock) May 27, 2020
Note to the slow: Despite certification from The Creator of All Things, everything above is fictional, comparable to Trump’s tweets about Morning Joe. Carolyn does not exist. That is not a real Fordham report card.
Like Trump, I attended Fordham in 1966, and I still have all my report cards stashed away in a drawer.
- They looked nothing like that. That style shown above is anachronistic. Graphics and computer print-outs were very primitive in the mid 60s.
- There were no “minus” grades, and no D+ or F+. The only possible grades were A, B+, B, C+, C, D and F
“Captain Stormy Daniels commands the Helix, a starship serving the United Republic of Earth and its leader, ‘very stable genius’ OrDon. Daniels and her crew – capitalists at heart – are for hire.”
“Jeffrey Epstein was sexually promiscuous for so long that there is a reasonable chance he may have fathered a child. He could even be a grandfather.”
Looking at the big picture, I suppose he may even have had sex with his children and grandchildren. (Without knowing it, I would hope.)
A blow to her head? Body found under his desk? Left Congress suddenly? Big topic of discussion in Florida…and, he’s a Nut Job (with bad ratings). Keep digging, use forensic geniuses! https://t.co/UxbS5gZecd
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 24, 2020
Given the source, it isn’t really necessary to say that this is utter nonsense, but for the record, there is no mystery, unsolved or other. An autopsy revealed that Lori Klausutis had an undiagnosed heart condition. The coroner concluded she passed out and hit her head as she fell. Although the head injury caused the death, she wasn’t struck by another person. Not that it would matter if she had been. When she died in Florida, Scarborough was in Washington.
In an earlier tweet, Trump asked, “Why did he leave Congress so quietly and quickly? Isn’t it obvious?” Scarborough had announced his decision to exit politics two months BEFORE Klausutis’s accident.
In other words, there’s not a single word of truth to the accusation. The incident had absolutely nothing to do with Scarborough. Trump is just plain nuts.
I’d like to know when Twitter is going to grow a pair, follow its own rules, and ban Trump? If not a full ban, moderate all his Tweets, and delete any which are dangerously false or misleading. The real problem is that Trump’s support base is filled with low-information crazies who will actually believe this nonsense.
(Answer to the Twitter query: never. Like the craven GOP senators, they are afraid of the career consequences. The Trumpites would all pull their accounts, and Twitter’s revenues would tumble.)
Oh, Saturn we hardly knew ye. He died at a youthful 84.
(The belief that it was Hitler’s alligator seems to have been incorrect. Good story, however.)
Oh, wait, you can – provided you have 40 grand lying around.
As I guess you might expect, it is studded with rhinestones, like the rest of his wardrobe.
All of the doctors must “espouse policies and say things that are, of course, exactly simpatico with what the president believes.”
So far, they have only one lined up, but he’s a famous one:
The governor of Mississippi just read a list of 2020 HS graduates during virtual-graduation and someone slipped-in the name "Harry Azcrac" on him…😂🤣😭 pic.twitter.com/Pk6oOvZOXW
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) May 19, 2020
Unfortunately, Harry finished at the bottom of his class, well behind the valedictorian, which often made him the butt of his classmates’ jokes. But even though he brought up the rear, Harry did graduate, and was happy to get the official news from the seat of government
“The President set aside a LIMITED EDITION TRUMP COLORING book just for you.”
I’m not kidding. This is real.
Plus – it’s a picture of a black man, and he knows those can steal your soul.
Which, I guess, would be of greater concern if he had a soul.
Now if they just find that the cure is pizza and gelato, I’ll be in the catbird’s seat!
Holy water, Batman! It’s the Holy Squirt Gun of Antioch.
To me, holy water has always been one of the truly baffling curiosities of religious belief.
I wonder: Is there also Holy Water in nearby Flint?
I wonder: In a case where all the local water supply contains dangerous bacteria, can the priest bless an alternate (safely bottled) liquid? Can there be Holy Mountain Dew Code Red?
(Polluted holy water is not as silly as you think. Throughout history, the holy water font has been a source of diseases. It contains standing water, and many people dip their fingers in it.)
Did you know – holy water dates back to pre-Christian times. “And he shall take holy water in an earthen vessel, and he shall cast a little earth of the pavement of the tabernacle into it.” [Numbers 5:17]
Or, as the White House calls it, “The Circle of Life.”
Fox News reports this as if it was “business as usual,” which it is.
The new Inspector General will be a faith-based ventriloquist who is a favorite of “Mother” Pence. (OK, I made up the ventriloquist part, but the headline is completely accurate.)
They have written a script, but will not direct.
From the comment section:
“Chi Chi, get the yeo!”
“Oh, ya, you betcha!”
“ya’ll say howdy to my little friend”
…and while numerous people will be cut in two by gunfire/chainsaws, there will be no smoking. They’re looking to also work in a cute robot sidekick that kids will want for Christmas.
…who is tentatively named My Little Friend, unless the Apple deal pans, in which case we’re committed to iSomething. Also, no weapons will work until you unlock your iPhone and open the SmartGun app. Christ, this shit writes itself. I may be in the wrong business. Note to self: call agent, have him line up some meetings and book me a suite at the Chateau Marmont.
In recent Hollywood tradition, it is an all female lead cast…
“VICE visited three Utah strip clubs in their first week of reopening to get a sense of what the new normal looks like.”
“Hundreds of pigs need to be ‘milked’ for semen to satisfy a growing demand for pork – and workers have to collect it by hand“