Biden, you monster!

Earlier, “President Trump mockingly warned at his rally in Nevada late Sunday that Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden would ‘listen to the scientists’ if elected.”

Gee, I wonder what happened to countries that did follow the science.

Oh …

“The Chinese economy grew 4.9% between July and September, as China becomes the first major economy to recover from the Covid-19 pandemic.”

The petition is signed by such notable experts as Dr. Johnny Bananas, Dr. I.P. Freely, and Dr. Person Fakename.

Doctor Dwight Mannsburden was apparently not available.

The original investigation by Sky News revealed that the fake names were actually some of the more reputable signatories. At least they were doctors, albeit imaginary ones. The list also included every kind of quack, crank and self-professed expert you can imagine: homeopaths, massage therapists, hypnotists, and one guy who claims to cure disease through song.

From the comments: “Also on the list: Dr Harold Shipman. This one’s a legit physician and also one of the most prolific serial killers of all time.”

“Iran knows that, and they’ve been put on notice, if you fuck around with us, we are going to do things to you that have never been done before.”

“Things that have never been done before”? What could that mean? Is he going to read a book?

Those who support him viewed this positively, much as the Catholic Church viewed the priest who defiled his altar with consenting adult women and avoided little boys. Trump’s entourage rejoiced that he merely said “fuck” and avoided the n-word.

It has kind of a “Jack Torrance at the Overlook” vibe.

The President posed for two pictures of him “hard at work.” They were staged photo-ops, shot a few minutes apart, using two different back-drops. His activity can be seen in one of them. He is scribbling his signature with a thick marker.

Presidential debate

Weekend Update

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Chris Rock’s monologue


Other sketches:

The Drew Barrymore Show

News anchors (Heidi Gardner, Mikey Day) report on a COVID-19 superspreader event. (That’s the official description. This is really about people who want to change their names, and the skit is filled with various raunchy lines like the female anchor saying, “I hope you can find Mike Litt later”)

Stunt performers (Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, Mikey Day, Chris Redd, Ego Nwodim) plea with everyone to take precautions against COVID-19 so they can return to work.

Women (Megan Thee Stallion, Maya Rudolph, Aidy Bryant, Heidi Gardner, Chloe Fineman, Lauren Holt, Punkie Johnson) compete to get drafted into the NBA bubble.

A ghost (Chris Rock) visits a teenager (Kyle Mooney) to warn him about his future.

A group of rappers (Kenan Thompson, Chris Redd, Pete Davidson) perform a song about wanting to see their girlfriends’ (Megan Thee Stallion, Ego Nwodim) faces.

I’ll bet he’s having some doubts about his choice of locations for the second coming (Siberia).

Jesus is back – and this time he has a microphone

It’s not just that he has to worry about being arrested or poisoned by Pontius Putin, but is Siberia the place for his wardrobe? I’m not one to claim to understand the divine will, but if I were going to spend the day in robes and sandals, I’d make my long-awaited reappearance in Hawaii.

Righteous math! As I have noted previously, we have now lost more people to the coronavirus in a few months than the U.S. Army lost fighting Hitler in the full 3 1/2 years of the war in Europe and the Mediterranean.

So by Trump’s logic, Hitler affected virtually nobody in the USA.

The predicted death toll for the virus through the end of this year is almost identical to the number we lost in the entire second world war, including all branches of service in all theaters of operation.

A controversy has arisen recently when Jeopardy clearly, without any doubt, made an incorrect ruling on its Final Jeopardy answer. No big deal there. People make mistakes. The big deal is that they have stubbornly lied to cover up their mistake, even weaving the sainted Alex Trebek into their lies.

A contestant listed her answer as “Barry Gordy” instead of of the correct “Berry Gordy.” By their own rules, this is clearly a correct answer, with no possible other interpretation.

Their rule says:

image host

Their recent ruling not only contradicts their own rules, but also appears to be inconsistent with all of their past interpretations of those rules.

Nobody can seem to figure out why they have not issued an apology, and that becomes even more mysterious when you realize that the ruling did not determine the daily winner. (I.e., if the contestant had been deemed to have given a correct answer, she still would not have won.)

They (including Trebek) are stubbornly holding to this response: “When a contestant adds incorrect information to an otherwise correct response, they are ruled incorrect.” That is just as ludicrous as their original ruling, in fact even more so, since nothing has been added, so it’s not only incorrect, but also irrelevant. If the contestant had answered “Barrie Gordy,” they might conceivably (but still incorrectly, by their own rule 5) have ruled that the contestant added information in the form of extra letters, but no such thing occurred. Nothing was added. The contestant merely transposed an “a” and an “e.”

Jeopardy has always held its head high as a bastion of reason and intelligence, but we seem to live in a world where nobody can ever admit they were wrong, no matter how obvious their error.