“Musselman said CHP has also seen dummies and plastic skeletons as a way for single drivers to use the HOV carpool lane. In August, a Bay Area driver was busted for using a realistic-looking mannequin in a Highway 101 carpool lane.”
Category: Nonsense
The professor offered the following bullshit explanation:
“Students will analyze what makes a good parody, learn how to pay homage to other artists and learn about the social context when Yankovic skyrocketed to fame in the 1980s and 1990s. It just gives us an avenue to start studying the 20th century and pop culture in the 20th century.”
The article offered the following actual explanation:
“Professor Warwick has worked with Yankovic in the past and considers him a friend.”
“You! You there!” he shouted to a boy on the street. “What day is this?”
The boy gave a puzzled look. “It’s Shatmas, sir.”
“Good! I haven’t missed it. Here, lad. There’s a big, juicy turkey of a Shatner movie in the bargain bin at Walmart. Buy it and deliver it to my house.”
There are those who, with apologies to pretenders like Alexander Graham Bell and the not-as-great Gretzky, call Bill Shatner the greatest of all Canadians. That’s nonsense. Why restrict his importance to a single frozen land with fewer than 40 million inhabitants? He is simply the greatest HUMAN, possibly excepting the anonymous inventor of the wheel, and of course Bobby Troup.
Today is his 93rd birthday, or as I call it, New Year’s Day. Different people reckon the start of the new year with different methods, and have varying ways to calculate how many there have been. At the end of September in our calendar, the Jewish community will welcome the year 5785. The Chinese just celebrated the beginning of 4721. In a site dedicated to crap, we have no choice but to count the birth of William Shatner as the beginning of time (or at least any time worth living in), so today is the beginning of the year 93 A.S. (Anno Shatner).
Referencing the great day to the common calendar, the day known to most of the world as March 22, 1931 was the greatest day in history, for it marked the birth of the promised one … the golden child … the chosen one. Know him. Embrace him. For as surely as crapped is the past tense of crap, Shat is the past tense of shit.
Like most of his followers, I celebrate by getting into costume and re-enacting one of his many career highlights. I normally choose this all-time classic:
During the pandemic I could not re-create that fight, since the scene requires two actors, which was inappropriate in the era of Coronavirus and social distancing, so that year I chose to re-enact the fight scene from White Comanche, since Shatner plays both parts.
This year: The Scoopy Players, my community theater company, will present a stage version of Incubus, Shat’s offbeat 1966 movie performed entirely in Esperanto.
I did not make that film up. The entire movie is below.
Other tidbits:
1. Shat once recorded a Christmas album. He sang such classics as Feliz Navidad and Rudolph.
2. There are some great comments on the Shatmas page from 2022.
From the proprietor of a site that worships crap, stay crappy, Bill. You have already lived long and prospered, so just keep up the … er … good work.
“Bianca Censori’s recent visit to Melrose Tanning Salon in West Hollywood turned heads as she donned yet another scandalous ensemble.”
Sample:
Perhaps more interesting than Bianca’s fashion sense is Kanye’s. He’s gone Full Herman Munster with the shoes, and Full Torgo with the calves and knees.
————–
Footnotes for the pop culture impaired:
Herman Munster, from “The Munsters,” a cheesy B&W sitcom from the mid-60s.
Torgo from “Manos, the Hands of Fate” (1966), a no-budget “horror” film often ridiculed as the worst movie ever released (#2 on IMDb’s lowest rated).
Norman’s Corner was written by Larry David. It lasted one episode. It was awful. I’m surprised they let it run through the first episode instead of replacing it with a test pattern about halfway. I shut it off after six minutes, and I like both Gilbert and Larry David a lot.
Norman’s Corner very nearly prevented Seinfeld from getting the green light, after an NBC executive, who was considering David and Seinfeld’s pitch, allegedly asked, “Isn’t Larry David the guy who wrote that piece of shit pilot with Gilbert Gottfried?”
I approve of Mexicans getting a good nap. It says on the Statue of Liberty that we have to accept the “tired,” but we can turn them away if they are well-rested.
(Unless, of course, they are huddled en masse.)
“Missouri museum takes world record for wearing underwear as hats“
It’s not really that funny, although it has a few laughs, but it’s so accurate in both voice and appearance that you’re tempted at first to think they tapped Britt to parody herself. Then you see the blue eyes.
Sort of related:
The latest Hannity talking point is that Biden is “Jacked-Up Joe,” implying that his SOTU address was delivered under the influence of uppers.
Jacked-Up Joe sounds like the best coffee ever!
“The underwear was supposedly sold to a strip club where the owner plans to use them in a shrine he is making for Prince Harry”
Quoth the maven:
“I don’t see this as disrespectful. It’s a reminder of a time when he was the ‘Fun-loving party prince’ and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
Wait. I thought Andrew was the fun-loving party prince. If there are two, do they have to try to kill one another, like Highlanders?
“Traffic-blocking beaver ‘taken into protective custody‘”
I assume that refers to the dam-building mammal rather than a resurgence of Lindsay Lohan’s career.
Selena’s protruding nipple is approached by her typically unkempt boyfriend. His thighs are sore after a hard day of crouching under a bridge preying on billy goats. Did you ever wonder what haunts Freddy Kruger’s dreams? It’s this guy. Ya gotta figure that he calls her “my precious.”
I used to find him inspirational, a beacon of hope for a world full of men who do not look like Idris Elba or Paul Walker. His success with Selena made me dream of an elysian future with Halle Berry. Then I thought about it and realized Drunken Stepfather is probably right – Selena is probably dating him to harvest his organs.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is actually attending a DOUBLE-DOUBLE bullshit event in London: two swanky bullshit sponsors (British Vogue and Tiffany & Co), celebrating two vain bullshit professions – fashion and film.
Check out Vogue’s vacuous description, which makes the writers for Entertainment Tonight seem more recondite than Umberto Eco:
“And while an ice storm’s worth of Tiffany & Co. diamonds ensured the evening exceeded its glamour quotient, Annabel’s was given a Vogue makeover for the occasion, too. Ferried from the Royal Festival Hall to Berkeley Square in a fleet of BMWs, guests stepped into a club filled with rose-and-mimosa sculptures courtesy of Blooming Haus and scented with Diptyque’s cult Vetiver candles. Among those posing for photographers before the Blooming Haus floral installations? Dua Lipa, whose Tiffany & Co. jewels, lit by the flicker of Diptyque candles, were almost outshone by her smile. Awaiting guests inside the Mayfair members’ club: flutes of chilled Laurent Perrier champagne.”
After the event, they probably salved their consciences by donating the half-spent Diptyque candles to the homeless, to add a sumptuous scent to the trash fires in their oil drums. Oh, I’m probably misjudging the glitterati. They can’t be as frivolous and narcissistic as I picture them. They were probably pooling their resources to solve world hunger while devouring caviar by the shimmering light of those divine Diptyque candles.
Anyway, here’s Rosie:
What you can’t see in the picture above, but can in the gallery, is the fact that she didn’t wear anything on the lower half of her body but short-shorts and hose, as if she raided the Joey Heatherton Collection from the 1960s – the perfect ensemble for London in February.
The gallery also added some pics of Rosie at another SBE in Paris.
“Just a trust fund kid havin’ fun and being gross…”
The link also includes some pics of her in a bikini. They are not flattering.
“At first glance the clips could easily be taken as the work of a zealous Star Wars fan with a penchant for beer and a little too much time on their hands. However, against all odds, the ads appear to be real, as evidenced by legal documents spotted by Gizmodo Australia on the Chilean Consejo de Autorregulación y Etica Publicitaria (Self-Regulation and Advertising Ethics Council) website, which detailed Lucasfilm’s grievances with the campaign.”
They were produced back in 2003, but went viral this past week.
I understand why Lucasfilm is upset, but I think the two parties should figure out a way to settle, because these ads are kinda awesome and should resume.
Does it look like Phil? Well, there is something in the hair (tonight. Oh, Lord).
En la iglesia "La EpifanÍa del Señor" de #Zacatecas tienen una estatua enorme del “Niño Dios” ¿O de Phil Collins? 🤔 pic.twitter.com/566RicHDxK
— Iәnuɐɯ әsoɾ (@JoseManuelRadio) November 20, 2019
I don’t remember any mention of Phil in the Bible, but if there is, it’s probably in the book of Genesis.
(He did write and sing a Genesis song called “Jesus He Knows Me.”)
I feel like Other (Pseudo-) Crap should be their sponsor.
From the comment section: “Missing a real opportunity, not calling it the Crock-Potty”
“The standard set is one where abusing women is normal, even traditional … I walk by the Oscar Wilde statue in Merrion Square every day. You don’t see people rubbing his crotch for good luck.”
You can continue to see the neurotic, self-deprecating comic in new episodes on the final season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Go crazy, because “real life is for March.”
That clip left out some of my favorite parts, like when Alec Baldwin is visited by the ghosts of Leap Day Past, Present and Future. The dyed-in-the-wool Republican is horrified to see what happens in a future created by his parental neglect. Because he tried to make more money on Leap Day instead of spending time with his daughter, he must face his worst nightmare: she grows up to work for Habitat for Humanity!
I have a real soft spot for this episode of 30 Rock, which I would rank among the top twenty sitcom episodes of all time. (Where is Chuckles the Clown now that we really need him?)
In addition to Leap Day and Chuckles, some of my other nominees:
The series finale of Blackadder. Funny and touching.
The “Communication Problems” episode of Fawlty Towers.
“The Contest” on Seinfeld.
“Flowers For Charlie” on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
“The Spanish Inquisition” on Monty Python’s Flying Circus.
“The Doll” on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
“Turkeys Away” and “Commercial Break” (the Mr. Ferryman episode) on WKRP in Cincinnati.
“Arthur After Hours” on The Larry Sanders Show.
“Kissing Your Sister” on Veep.
“Louie Goes Too Far” on Taxi.
My lowbrow darkhorse: “Castaways Pictures Presents” on Gilligan’s Island. The castaways find a camera and film, so they make a zero-budget movie and send it off on a raft or something. It is discovered, but does not help them get rescued. Their consolation prize: The French love their chaotic, incomprehensible gibberish, and it wins the Palme d’Or at Cannes.
No special episode, but any MASH appearance by Colonel Flagg. (I just never found MASH to be that funny, although it occasionally tugged at my heartstrings.)
I’m sure that I must be forgetting many. “The Adventures of Pete and Pete” isn’t a traditional sitcom. It’s an afternoon kiddie show from Nickelodeon, but I’d probably nominate at least three episodes from that show, which may be my favorite comedy of all time. I’d mention some episodes of Arrested Development and the underrated Go On (which one of you turned me on to), but I can’t immediately separate the episodes in my head.
“‘Mary Poppins’ age rating increased in U.K. due to ‘discriminatory language’”
The objectionable word is “Hottentot.”
From context, I knew that the “Hottentots” were an African group of some kind, but I didn’t know exactly what a Hottentot was until today, and I didn’t know it was a disparaging term. There is a scene in Mary Poppins where some stuffy old fart insults the chimney sweeps by comparing their blackened faces to Hottentots. Frankly, as I listen to that with today’s ears, I think it would be offensive even if “Hottentot” were the accepted name for that ethnic group. I guess things were different in 1964, when white people could get by with all kinds of racist shit.
As the good lord intended. (Or so they thought at the time.)