You have to read this to believe it.
Trump was planning to appear frail and then rip over his dress shirt to reveal a Superman tee-shirt when he left the hospital, according to the @nytimes.
Whenever I think Trump can’t do something more ridiculous, he proves me wrong. pic.twitter.com/yvxJuRkrAu
— Renato Mariotti (@renato_mariotti) October 10, 2020
“Iran knows that, and they’ve been put on notice, if you fuck around with us, we are going to do things to you that have never been done before.”
“Things that have never been done before”? What could that mean? Is he going to read a book?
Those who support him viewed this positively, much as the Catholic Church viewed the priest who defiled his altar with consenting adult women and avoided little boys. Trump’s entourage rejoiced that he merely said “fuck” and avoided the n-word.
“You read that correctly. We’re talking 65,000 seats. In the middle of a pandemic.“
It has kind of a “Jack Torrance at the Overlook” vibe.
The President posed for two pictures of him “hard at work.” They were staged photo-ops, shot a few minutes apart, using two different back-drops. His activity can be seen in one of them. He is scribbling his signature with a thick marker.
ZOOM: @realDonaldTrump appears to be signing his name to a blank sheet of paper in this photo. pic.twitter.com/xlNX24CXn4
— Andrew Feinberg (@AndrewFeinberg) October 4, 2020
Presidential debate
Weekend Update
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Chris Rock’s monologue
Other sketches:
News anchors (Heidi Gardner, Mikey Day) report on a COVID-19 superspreader event. (That’s the official description. This is really about people who want to change their names, and the skit is filled with various raunchy lines like the female anchor saying, “I hope you can find Mike Litt later”)
A ghost (Chris Rock) visits a teenager (Kyle Mooney) to warn him about his future.
“Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”
Congratulation to great friend of the Kazakh people @realDonaldTrump for winning debate today! Impressive and amazing result for a strong premier who always put America and Kazakhstan first! pic.twitter.com/qLljQ8b5UU
— Republic of Kazakhstan 🇰🇿 (@KazakhstanGovt) September 30, 2020
“Residents frustrated after beaver-chewed tree falls on townhouse complex again”
My favorite part of the headline is “again,” especially since the verbiage in the headline makes it sound like the same tree.
The years do fly by. They haven’t seen each other in 15 years.
I remember that Tom Green mentioned once that they separated because Drew was too immmature.
Can you imagine being too immature for Tom Green? That’s like not being subtle enough for Gallagher.
“Sir, we are weeks away from the election and yet you still haven’t offered your own comprehensive policies to ensure that Americans continue to be killed and brutalized in the streets.”
I’ll bet he’s having some doubts about his choice of locations for the second coming (Siberia).
It’s not just that he has to worry about being arrested or poisoned by Pontius Putin, but is Siberia the place for his wardrobe? I’m not one to claim to understand the divine will, but if I were going to spend the day in robes and sandals, I’d make my long-awaited reappearance in Hawaii.
Best legal letter ever …
“Firefighters in Britain said crews from three towns spent three hours extinguishing the flames from a blaze that started with a 22-ton pile of chicken manure.”
Righteous math! As I have noted previously, we have now lost more people to the coronavirus in a few months than the U.S. Army lost fighting Hitler in the full 3 1/2 years of the war in Europe and the Mediterranean.
So by Trump’s logic, Hitler affected virtually nobody in the USA.
The predicted death toll for the virus through the end of this year is almost identical to the number we lost in the entire second world war, including all branches of service in all theaters of operation.
“We cut out every mention of Native Americans, but I’m not sure how else we could improve the misleading information”
I was shocked to click on this and find out it had nothing to do with Piers Morgan
The guy in charge of automatic crowd noises really captured the essence of Philadelphia sporting crowds.
And, I might add, it was well deserved, although perhaps not as deserved as in week 1, when Wentz was sacked 8 times.
