Brilliant, funny headline! (But no actual article. From the Onion.)
Here’s another:
“Resilient Aaron Rodgers Vows To Return More Detached From Reality Than Ever”
“In a way, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Although it sucks to be injured and not be out on the field with my teammates, it will give me time to reflect on the batshit things I believe in and maybe even detach from reality altogether.”
“Due to weather, go fuck yourself.”
Isn’t that message about equally applicable under any weather conditions?
Here is the sign uncensored
“Radical left-wing feminists in Chile with “ponytails inserted in their butts and performing dances” in commemoration of the 50th anniversary of the military coup against Salvador Allende.”
(In an event sometimes called “the other 9/11,” the USA backed the overthrow of Allende, a democratically elected Marxist, by a military coup. The Nixon administration wanted to prevent the spread of Communism during the Cold War.)
I don’t think the ponytails are actually in their butts, so the quote above kind of overhypes the protest. Nonetheless, the impact is approximately as promised – women in thongs or with bare butts, some waving strap-on ponytails. I assume they are anti-coup, but isn’t this counter-productive? After seeing the vid, I want to join the CIA and foment a military coup so more women will do this.
You spend $20,000 (or more) to buy one of Captain Kirk’s old outfits
This auction house has all kinds of amazing movie and TV memorabilia. You want the original R2-D2? No problem, provided you have about five million dollars lying around.
Thanks to laterals, five Cal runners managed to evade 155 Stanford defenders.
Huh?
Time had expired in the 1982 game, and Stanford’s 144-piece marching band was so certain their boys had already won, that they were already doing their thing near the goal line. Cal’s 5th runner, Kevin Man, had to wend his way through the band to score the winning touchdown. Damndest thing you’ve ever seen!
He was trying to “run to London,” but London was a long-shot, to say the least. There’s no telling where he might actually have drifted to. This is the fourth time he has attempted a voyage in such a contraption. The last time he was trying to go from Florida to New York – but simply washed ashore elsewhere in Florida, about thirty miles south of his launch point.
Of course he’s nuts and the Coast Guard saved his life, but I wonder what legal grounds they had to order him to stop his quixotic madness. He wasn’t just rescued, but was also arrested, although he was 70 miles off the coast when the CG intercepted him. Isn’t that out of their jurisdiction? Reading this made me realize that I don’t understand the first thing about maritime law.
“The hoax could mark the return of a Rogers Park prankster known for installing fake government signs and notices in public places.”
“Garments slated for production include shirts, pants, socks, and underwear, all of which are intended to be washable.”
The software that’s also softwear.
At last, we have electronic underpants, because the government needs to monitor my hard … ware.
In addition to personal items, the robbers took the TV equipment.
The footage they shot was in the stolen camera, so the story never made it on the air.
Joker gets hosed by the judges after obviously besting the Hooded Hodad!
Life was simpler then.
Cesar Romero was 59 years old when he did this! Nothing in his career would have led one to believe that he’d be so uninhibited and hilarious as the Joker, although he did clown around a bit in Ocean’s 11 and some TV shows.
Back in the day, he starred as the Cisco Kid in a movie called “The Gay Caballero.” As the meaning of “gay” changed over the years, that title took on a second meaning, which apparently turned out to be appropriate.
In addition to that nonsense, there is a large gallery of images, featuring quite a bit of cleavage.
Damn, what happened to patriotism? Why do they have to be foreign objects? To make America great again, we need to be sticking good old American objects up our asses, the way they did it in The Greatest Generation …
… and even before that, in the years that made America the mightiest country on the planet. General Patton would never be caught dead sticking a Mauser up his ass. It always was a good old, ivory-handled Colt .45, as the good lord intended.
On the other hand, Robert E. Lee always jammed Doctor Young’s Ideal Rectal Dilators up his ass, like a good patriot, but when the Confederacy became a separate nation, the Chicago-based product became a “foreign” object. Oh, the irony.
Actual headline: “Floridians should avoid wrestling armadillos unless necessary.”
Sometimes I even wrestle them over the state line in Georgia.
But still only when necessary.
He reported in Atlanta that he was 6’3″ and 215 pounds – almost exactly the same as the guy who plays the mighty Thor.
Yeah, they look similar.
I’m not as skeptical as most people about his current weight. (1) You can’t compare him to 30-year-old body-builders of the same height and weight. (2) He does look like he has lost weight recently. (3) He’s not 6’3″.
A-Rod is 6’3′. Here he is next to Trump.
Justin Trudeau is 6’2″. Here is Trump next to him
There are plenty of pics of Trump standing next to Obama and Vince McMahon, who are 6’1″ and exactly the same height as Trump.
So, given that he is actually only 6’1″ and seems to have lost a little weight, 215 is probably fairly close, despite the online scoffing. 215 pounds don’t distribute that well over an old guy who doesn’t exercise enough. (Believe me. I know this all too well.)
Apart from the scientists’ opinions, I would suggest Prince Harry and Meghan, James Corden, all of the Kardashians except Kendall, and all of the “Real Housewives.”
What is going on with the back of Mussolini’s head?
Former President Trump posted his mug shot on Twitter (now called X for some reason not really clear to me). It is the first time he has used his account since it was reinstated, making it his first tweet in two and a half years. Are they still called “tweets” or are they now “exes”? Twitter has changed the name of the button from “Tweet” to “Post.”
Who knew that the mug shot had an “inventor”? His name was Alphonse “Glaciale” Bertillon, which translates into English as Al “Frosty” Mug, who also founded the A&W Root Beer chain. Nah. Just fuckin’ witcha. But some mug named Alphonse Bertillon really is credited with creating the format.
“Mug” is an English slang term for “face,” dating from the 18th century, before the development of photography. According to my OED, when the term was first applied to photographs of criminals, it was a solo noun (without the “shot”), as in “He had his mug taken in fireman’s clothes.”
OED also lists these definitions of mug (as a noun):
1. “A stupid or incompetent person, a ‘muff’, ‘duffer’; a fool, simpleton; a card-sharper’s dupe.”
2. “A person, fellow, chap; spec. (a) a rough or ugly person; a criminal; (b) applied by criminals to someone who is not part of the underworld; (c) a policeman.”
It’s an interesting word, with many other meanings related to faces. As a verb, it means “to attack and rob,” as I’m sure you all know, but OED says it used to mean specifically to strike someone in the face, and the meaning morphed over time into a less specific form of attack. It can also mean “to make a face” in lowbrow comedy, as in “Milton Berle was always mugging for the camera.” It can also mean to put on facial make-up for the theater.
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As opposed to other, comparable underworld-type slang, “mug” is not size-restricted. Galoots and lugs are always “big” (there’s no Disney film about the littlest galoot), but “mugs” can be any size, as in “I ran into some nasty little mug outside of Flanagan’s”
You may or may not know him from rasslin’, but probably remember him as a character in the greatest film ever made.
“Wait,” you’re thinking, “Terry Funk was in The Godfather?”
C’mon, you know what I mean. Here’s a hint: “Pain don’t hurt.”
Although Terry could have kicked some ass in The Godfather.
“Idaho Officials Find Strange Shark on Riverbank in the Landlocked State”
“Idaho officials believe the discovery of a salmon shark found on the banks of the Salmon River was a joke.”
Could be, but I would visit a river if they named it after me.
“Signing Bigger’s balls is a rite of passage for Illinois politicians, as his balls were once signed by former president Barack Obama. “
“Around 4,000 years ago in Ancient Egypt, women were shoving crocodile turds up their vaginas in a bid to keep babies at bay.”
Irrespective of its spermicidal properties or the fact that it just blocked everything up, I imagine it kept men at bay, which is really the most effective form of contraception.
And it seemed to work. You don’t see many ancient Egyptians around.
