Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Top 10 Funny Sex Videos
Late Night Political Jokes Updated
"Obama says he wants to be the first president to have a laptop on his desk in the Oval Office. Actually, Bush thought he had a laptop, but turns out it was just an Etch-a-Sketch." --Jay Leno"The word is that Hillary Clinton does want the job as secretary of state. And as you know, the secretary of state serves at the pleasure of the president, to which Bill said, 'Yeah, that will be a first.'" --Jay Leno
"Eliot Spitzer's call girl, remember her? She's being interviewed on '20/20' this Friday. And she told '20/20,' no matter how long the interview lasts, even if the interview's only 15 minutes, they still have to pay for the whole hour." --Jay Leno
"People magazine chose Hugh Jackman as the sexiest man alive. But this is odd -- Al Franken is demanding a recount." --David Letterman
Les Actrices Françaises Nues à l'Ecran (the French cinema nudity site) is updated.
Highlights include La Casta herself.
Caption This Cheerleader Picture
Prince William's Royal Penis
If State Signs Were More Truthful
The Crappiest Christmas Tree Ever
"A freakishly minded movie obsessive at Flickr has spent the last year compiling the closing-title cards from 133 films (and counting)"
"Winona Ryder fell ill on plane to London after overdosing on tranquilliser tablets"
The pilot asked for a priority landing, and Winona was hospitalized briefly, but she was fine, and the whole thing turned out to be a tempest in a teapot.Whatever that is.
The good news? Her purse was big enough to accommodate more than a hundred of those little airline liquor bottles.
Ron Howard confirms Arrested Development movie
George Costanza As A Sociopathic Col. Sanders
Katie Price at a launch for her new lingerie line"
As part of his search for the world's biggest losers,
Top kiddie viewing in the UK? The Animated Adventures of Dench and Mirren
Rejected Bond Girl Auditions
This is the Kind Of Passed Out You Probably Don't Want To Be
"A Romanian entrepreneur has come under fire for putting plastic prostitutes on the street to advertise his garden gnome business."
"A man caught with his penis in a jar of pasta sauce continued 'pleasuring himself' as police tried to wrestle him to the ground"
"German police have gone to new lengths to nab a serial burglar – dressing up in tree suits and waiting in a forest for eight hours"
Elderly Tampa woman lost by US Airways
"Wheelchair-bound Elfride Kuemmel was on her way back home to Tampa Monday when a US Airways employee wheeled her on to the wrong connecting flight. The 83-year-old wound up in Puerto Rico."
NC undercover officers use taser on pallbearer
Top headline o' the day which is probably unrelated to Kevin Bacon: "Rogue flamingo recaptured in Iowa"
"An Air Canada co-pilot having a mental breakdown had to be forcibly removed from the cockpit, restrained and sedated, and a stewardess with flying experience helped the pilot safely make an emergency landing"
See, I keep telling you: movies are real.
"Angry Mothers Against Motrin, or a Sneaky Advertising Strategy?"
The 7 Most Terrifying Disney Movie Deaths | Cracked.com
20 Bond Devices That Didn't Make the Cut | Cracked Photoshop Contest
Some great pictures of Hollywood in the 1970s
ROTTEN TOMATOES: Movies opening This Week
- Bolt: 3-D Animation about a movie dog who must learn to be as brave as his character, or some crap like that. Great reviews (89% positive), 3500 screens.
- Twilight: long awaited tweener chick-flick about the love between a high school girl and a youthful 114-year-old vampire in her school. I suppose he's now taking French 83. (I think vampires are like reverse dogs. Divide by seven to get their age in human years, or by 49 to get their dog age. That 49-for-1 ratio makes it difficult for them to fall in love with werewolves.) Twilight is based on the eponymous first novel in a juvenile chick-lit series. 50% positive reviews, 3200 theaters, advance sales reportedly through the roof. It's the kind of movie where young teen girls go to see the "dreamy" dudes.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Mark Twain, however ... dead as a doornail.Whatever that means.
Mike Mussina tells Yankees he will retire after a 20-9 season
I guess he figures that his age prevents him from winning 30 more to reach 300 (not necessarily true, but ...), so the best alternative is to go out on top.
The Weekend Warrior: box office analysis for Nov. 21 - 23
He is expecting a monster weekend: seventy million for Twilight, almost forty million for Bolt, thirty million for Quantum of Solace, and almost twenty million for Madagascar 2. By the time the weekend is over, assuming he is right about Twilight, three of those four films will be among the top seven November openings of all time.
Sammy Braddy Completely Nude in 2009 Calendar
THE GQ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARDS - (Pics, featuring Megan Fox)
Late Night Political Jokes Updated
"Cold here in New York City today, so cold that Sarah Palin spent $150,000 on mittens." --David Letterman"How about that Sarah Palin? A lot of people said, what will happen to her when she goes back to being the governor of Alaska? Don't worry: book deal, $7 million. She got it through a guy named Joe the Publisher." --David Letterman
"Seven million dollars. So maybe now she can afford her own clothing." --David Letterman
"Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me." --David Letterman
"Barack Obama says one of his top priorities once he becomes president is closing down Guantanamo Bay. To make sure it closes, he's going to turn it into a bank." --Jay Leno
"Happy birthday, convicted Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, 85 years old. He didn't get any gifts. At least, he didn't report any." --Jay Leno
"You know what the definition of recession is? A recession is two consecutive quarters of declining productivity. Or, as the Clippers call that, 'halftime.'" --Jay Leno
David Letterman's Top Ten Things Overheard During Obama's Meeting With McCain
- 10. Oh, just preparing to be President. What have you been up to?
- 9. I know a guy who would be a perfect Secretary of Plumbing. ...
Alec Baldwin on Jennifer Aniston Kissing Scene: "It Was Painful"
I guess he's goofing on us, but with Baldwin one never knows.
Just when you thought Amy Winehouse couldn't get any more attractive ...
Eva Longoria Has Upskirt Moment (Photos)
"Astronaut outside space station loses tool
bag"
JAMIE-LYNN SIGLER sluts it up on TV (vids, pics)
A great episode of You Bet Your Life, with a wacky guest named Albert Hall
I love the DeSoto commericals.
Wolverine is chosen as People's "Sexiest Man Alive"
Shoshanna Lonstein bikini pics
"Remember Shoshanna Lonstein? There’s no reason you should but if you do you know she became famous in 1993 when she started dating Jerry Seinfeld. Which was a big deal at the time because she was 17 and he was 38. They stayed together for four years and after that he married Jessica Sklar and she married some billionaires kid. The point to all this is of course titties. Awesome ones. Because Shoshanna was in Miami earlier this week and was nice enough to strip down to a kick ass bikini."
Man tries to pay utility bill with spider drawing
"Dear Jane, I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter."
Hitler HAD only got one ball
Love the picture of Hitler in knee socks.
Today, November 19, is World Toilet Day.
"Theme for 2008: WE DESERVE BETTER" ("people around the world deserve a better place to defecate")I believe that was also the theme of several previous years.
And my senior prom.
15 MORE Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped | Cracked.com
The 5 Greatest Background Performances in Viral Videos - Funny Videos | Cracked.com
The 5 Lamest Forwarded Emails (And Why Your Mom Loves Them) | Cracked.com
What the movie world needs most? A romantic comedy written by Urkel
Biopic of Sam Kinison
Film Jerk's Early Report for November 18, 2008
"The Early Report features the most detailed listings on the Internet of all films scheduled to be released in the upcoming eight weeks, including actual and estimated screen counts, running times and ratings. This week's report covers 47 known new movies opening in theatres between Wednesday 11/19/08 and Friday 12/19/08, plus dozens more titles expanding their runs during this timeframe."
How Much Would Eliot Spitzer Pay For Ashley Dupree’s Mom?
Non-Kevin Bacon headline o' the day: "Christ runs for 232 yards in Catholic victory"
And, I'm betting, he also tossed up a Hail Mary at the end of the first half.The greatest mystery is how he can zig and zag in those sandals.
The best part of the story (this is true): Christ is the Catholic's school's second string running back. Now THAT's a depth chart.
