I’ve mentioned before that I was almost The Chosen One. In the 1976 Chosen Guy pageant, I was selected as first runner up, and if anything had happened to the winner and he had not been able to serve out his term, I would have had to take over his Chosen responsibilities. Why did I lose? Well, I beat him in the swimsuit competition and we were about even in the evening wear, but he really kicked my ass in the talent competition. His talent was to demonstrate perfect spiritual purity, and control of all time and space, while I sang a song from Naughty Marietta.

I still think I would have beaten him if I hadn’t missed my high note.

“Along the way he managed to call the prime minister of Denmark – a key Nato ally – “nasty” for refusing to discuss selling him Greenland, and approvingly retweeted a description of himself as “King of Israel” and “the second coming of God”, adding: “Wow!”

Mr. Trump’s Wild Ride