Naomi in her prime in Mulholland Drive (2001).

Same movie: Laura Harring

As I approach the crepuscule of life, one of the things on my bucket list is to someday understand what that movie is about. Unfortunately, I would probably have a better chance of being able to explain Finnegans Wake, mechanics and special relativity, or the popularity of the Kardashians.

Suzee Slater in Chopping Mall (1986)

Suzee has been out of the industry for about a quarter of a century, and nobody seems to know where she is now. Wikipedia says, “Shortly after the release of Mind Twister, Slater suddenly retired from acting and disappeared from the public eye. Fellow Chopping Mall actress Barbara Crampton explained in 2016 that the two failed to keep in contact in the years following that film’s release. The movie’s staff had been unable to locate Slater, making her one of the few surviving cast members to not attend the 30th anniversary screening of Chopping Mall.”

For a while in the late 80s and early 90s, Suzee frequently appeared in low-budget grade-Z exploitation films created by such schlockmeisters as Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray.

Astoundingly enough, both of those guys are still making movies, at ages 64 (Ray) and 68 (Winorski). Wynorski’s latest project is CobraGator. Ray’s most recent efforts include such classics as Abner, the Invisible Dog.

So they haven’t changed much.

Of course I was not expecting them to be creating sensitive, heart-wrenching movies about societal mores, class struggles, America’s turbulent past, or man’s place in the universe.

Although I can only guess that Abner, the Invisible Dog must come close.

I only hope I will never have to watch it to find out for sure.

Not only did I not expect those two guys to change, but I don’t want them to. Frankly I’m glad they leave that kind of crap quixotic endeavor to the likes of Mike Leigh and Ken Burns. It’s good to know that Ray and Winorski remain dependable beacons of consistency, their rock-steady light helping us to navigate the fraught waters of change. I haven’t watched any of their new movies in at least 20 years, and I never liked any of the ones I did watch back in the day *

… but it’s kinda nice to know they are still there.

=============

(* Full disclosure: I did really enjoy the sublimely awful Deathstalker II. Winorski actually realized that he didn’t have the budget or the talent to create even something so unambitious as a Deathstalker film, so he tripled the cheese and turned it into a pretty good genre parody with a lot of self-deprecating laughs. I tip my hat to him for that one! Here’s my review.)

College Football Scores

Alabama and Clemson seem to be the only two teams definitely headed to the play-off.

#3 Notre Dame is still undefeated, but was losing at halftime before barely beating 5-7 USC.

The #4 Michigan Wolverines demonstrated they absolutely do not belong in the playoff, allowing 62 points in regulation, including 38 in the second half.

#7 LSU lost in the craziest game of the year, 74-72, in seven overtimes. In the FBS division, that set the record for most points by both teams, and the record for most points by the losing team. Yeah, I’m not surprised by that last one, which may be the record across all NCAA games, not just the FBS group. It ain’t easy to score 72 and lose. Taking a cursory glance across the lower divisions, I could not find another game at any level where the losing team scored 72 or more. NCAA.com seems to agree.

China proposes to launch three death stars

… although they are wisely not calling them that. To quote their official government spokesman, Tam Mi, “Sure, they’re for giving us more moonlight. Yeah, moonlight. That’s the ticket.”

“The launch of three artificial moons into space over the next four years to illuminate cities at night and reduce the need for street lights – has been greeted with some scepticism.”

SOME skepticism?

See the comments section for a rational take on this report.

Environmentalists, journalists and lawmakers are among those criticizing the Trump administration for releasing a dire federal climate change report the day after Thanksgiving, when fewer Americans are likely to read the news. The bombshell report, which warns of large-scale climate disasters if the U.S. continues down the track it’s headed, was released without much rollout midday Friday.”

Here is the report the government does not want you to read.

Kirsten Baker in “Friday the 13th: Part 2” (1981)

Damn, she looks great in those shorts.

Not to mention naked.

I guess she was 18 at the time, but I’m not sure. Sources agree that she was born on April 7, but can’t seem to decide whether that was in 1960 or 1962. Here’s what IMDb has to say about Kirsten Baker: “Little is known about her whereabouts. In 1993, she was seen working at an art gallery in Los Angeles and hasn’t been seen by fans since. She doesn’t appear at ‘Friday the 13th’ conventions.”

I’m not sure when that comment was written, but she apparently did make an appearance at at least one convention, Monster Mania 16 in 2010, where she looked absolutely incredible at age 48 (assuming the 1962 birthdate). She mentions in that interview that it was her first convention.

One more piece of Kirsten Baker trivia from IMDb: “The March 3, 1982, issue of Variety announced the movie ‘Sector 13’ started filming January 11, 1982, in Los Angeles. Director and writer Robert Stone Jordan. Stars included D.W. Brown, Kirsten Baker, Chip Frye, Mayf Nutter, and William Forsythe. No evidence the film was ever completed or released. It was to be the first Hollywood movie to be totally shot on video.”