Maybe he should exercise more.

(There is nothing worth reading at this link. It’s just an excuse for cheap Dick Swett jokes.)

Also feel free to comment on former Fort Wayne mayor Harry Baals, Dick Trickle, the legendary Isaac Count de Money Wilson, and other public figures with silly names.

I play pickleball with a guy named Dick Johnson. Needless to say, I call him “Double Dick.”

Those are all real names, but I also love gag names, especially when Howard Stern’s guys trick broadcasters into reading them aloud. (“Happy Birthday to Robin Snipples!”) My all-time favorite non-obscene gag name is from the National Lampoon High School Yearbook, which was filled with them: “Dwight Mannsburden.” That one is so good that you can give it to reporters and they’d never catch on, whereas they usually (but not always) catch the obvious ones like “Ben Dover” and “Heywood Jablome.”

The actor, game show host and all-around douchebag Alec Baldwin tweeted his belief that Epstein was killed by Russians. I think he was satirizing the state of paranoia surrounding this suicide. At least I hope that’s what he was doing, but it might not be, because earlier he had suggested that Trump might be involved.

My favorite new conspiracy theory goes like this:

  • Epstein was under Trump’s care. (The Bureau of Prisons reports to Trump.)
  • He hanged himself with a pillow case
  • One of Trump’s staunchest supporters is Mike the My Pillow Guy
  • Q.E.D.

Whitney outed her own boob on social media.

This was a similar situation to that Bella Thorne pic from a while back. Whitney inadvertently posted, and almost immediately deleted, a pic back in April which exposed her breast. Some clowns captured it before she deleted it, and wanted money from her to keep from publishing it. Her attitude was “fuck that,” and she posted the pic herself.

“A chilling picture emerged Friday of how hundreds of girls and young women were allegedly trafficked for sex to a number of wealthy business, political and world leaders by Jeffrey Epstein and his madam, Ghislaine Maxwell, as nearly 2,000 court documents were unsealed in a federal civil case in New York.

The documents, the largest cache to be released in the 13 years since Epstein’s case began, offer brutal details about Epstein’s trafficking of teenage girls in Palm Beach, New York and overseas — as well as Maxwell’s obsessive and often abusive quest to provide him with new girls over a span of years in the early to mid 2000s.”

Jillian Murray in the poignant cinema treasure, Wild Things: Foursome (2010)

I really love Wild Things. I think it’s one of the great exploitation movies of all time – just a lot of fun. The sequels, on the other hand, just kept getting worse and worse. This one had some OK nudity, but the performances were roughly on the same level as one of those porn films written and filmed in the same single day. And frankly, it’s less like a sequel and more like a gimmicky remake of the original.

If you saw the original Wild Things when it came out, watching one of the sequels is tantamount to watching a high school presentation of a Broadway musical which you have seen performed by the original cast many years ago. The left tackle on your high school football team, no matter how many prosthetics they put on him to play Don Quijote, is not Richard Kiley. Sure, the words are the same, but everything is just many grades worse, and there’s no pleasure in watching it because you know how it will all turn out, even if you saw the original too long ago to remember the precise details.