Theory: Brady’s having an off-year because he misses Gisele’s mystical powers

Well, yeah, maybe that.

Or maybe because he’s an old coot playing a young man’s game with a mediocre receiving corps.

Hard to say.

To be fair, Brady has not been bad. He leads the league in completions. He is second in the NFL in interception percentage, and is the very best in the NFL at avoiding the sack, which is impressive for an old codger who had no foot speed even when he was young (so he’s not doing that with his legs). The only weakness evident from his stats is that he is second-last in the league in yards per completion and yards per attempt, but that kinda tells you more about the Bucs’ offensive strategy than about Brady himself.

By the way, although they suck mightily, the Buccaneers are in first place in a division of ultra-suckitude (despite a 6-8 record and a point differential of minus 41), so Brady might get one more (extreme long shot) chance at the Owl.

6 thoughts on “Theory: Brady’s having an off-year because he misses Gisele’s mystical powers

  1. Speaking of Brady. How many people knew that the Brady Bunch children did an absolutely bizarre cover of American Pie?

    Thankfully, it’s only half as along as the original

    1. I was not aware of that. It’s hard to pick my favorite part. Is it the incredibly bad sound mixing, or is it the cheery way a bunch of little kids sing these words:

      Oh, and there we were all in one place
      A generation lost in space
      With no time left to start again
      So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
      Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
      ‘Cause fire is the devil’s only friend
      Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
      My hands were clenched in fists of rage
      No angel born in Hell
      Could break that Satan’s spell
      And as the flames climbed high into the night
      To light the sacrificial rite
      I saw Satan laughing with delight
      The day the music died

      1. Well, I’m sure some people had a good time at Altamont (not that that’s the only reference.)

        Starting off the song with the line “Helter Skelter in a summer swelter” is bizarre as well.

        Regarding the song, I have to think that the reference to The Byrds right after that is based on the connection between Charles Manson and The Byrds: the Byrds (and ‘would be’ Manson) music producer Terry Melcher, but I’m not totally sure what the ‘fallout shelter’ refers to. I know The Byrds received a lot of criticism for the song 8 Miles High for its alleged drug references, but I didn’t know they ‘went underground’ as a result of that criticism.

        I don’t know that any other reference to fall out shelters really make sense as that was more of a cultural reference (and a real thing) in the early 1960s. Don’t forget to duck and cover.

        1. LOL. I’d forgotten how long that sucker was. Or ever noticed that there was a possible Procol Harum ref in there too.

      2. If you didn’t print the lyrics, I’d have had no idea what the hell they were singing.

        That was horrible.

        Speaking of horrible, I saw a Bucs play where they snapped it directly to, I think, the running back, who threw a pass to Brady running down the sideline. I suspect the coach was trying to get Brady killed; or, perhaps, to see if his brittle bones would snap like kindling.

  2. You could easily argue that the AFC South is an order of magnitude worse than Tampa Bay’s NFC South. Even though the AFC South has a (now) genuinely entertaining team in the Jags, the division has a combined 19 wins (compared with 21 for the Bucs et. al.) and the combined point differential for the two divisions is -217 for the AFC South and -135 for the NFC South. That being said, the NFC South is also the most competitive division in the league–the only one in which all four teams can still win the division, for what little that’s worth. Meanwhile, the Rams need to win two of their three remaining games to avoid having the lowest winning percentage of any defending Super Bowl champion (the 1982 49ers went 3-6, in that strike-shortened season).

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