Lauren Boebert gets felt up in public

“Rep. Lauren Boebert is an American politician who is currently caught up in a scandal in which she was kicked out of a movie theatre for vaping, and also because her date was grabbing her boobs during the movie.”

She was attending the Beetlejuice stage show (not a movie, as quoted above), which is recommended for audiences aged 10 and older. To further amuse the kids in the crowd, as mentioned in some accounts of the incident, Boebert also opted to pat her date down, probably to make sure he wasn’t carrying any abortion pills in his pants. Either that or he had Burger King take-out in his lap, because it took her two hands to handle a whopper.

Two commenters noted:

  • At least it’s good to know she can reach across the aisle.
  • She was just singing along and tallying his banana.

The Denver Post said that, according to the theater staff, she was also taking flash photographs. The woman behind her said that Boebert took long videos of the performance. When the theater videos showed her using her camera, Boebert eventually admitted it, but claimed to be unaware that photography was forbidden.

Right, because they never mention that before a show.

As she was being booted from the theater and tossed into the street like a drunk getting kicked out of an old-time Western saloon, Boebert pulled out the ol’ “Do you know who I am?” trick, adding “I am on the board. I will be contacting the mayor.”

Here is the theater manager reacting in fear to that threat:

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Ooooo – pretty scary, eh, kids?

The CCTV footage shows a blurred-out gesture that Boebert flashed at theater security as she was escorted out. Business Insider, with its typically insightful grasp of the obvious, concluded that the gesture appeared to be a middle finger.

Apparently unaware that Boebert was captured on security video, her spokesperson initially claimed that she was just singing and laughing too loud and just having too good a time. Boebert’s own first reaction, a tweet, followed the same narrative. Boebert also claimed initially that the alleged vaping was an illusion created by the show’s smoke machines. That was a lie. Here is a video in which she is clearly vaping. After the video emerged, exposing her original lie, she doubled down with an even less credible lie: “I genuinely did not recall vaping that evening.”

Forgot? She got into an argument with another patron about her vaping. When the pregnant woman asked Boebert to stop vaping, Boebert told her “no” point-blank. The woman says that Boebert, who had apparently not yet exhausted all of the possibilities for cartoon villainy, then called her a “sad and miserable person.” The article does not mention, but we can assume, that Boebert then tied the woman to a log as it headed into a sawmill.

It would be easy to have that slip your mind, so I’ve concluded that her memory lapse must be totally sincere, just as I believed Hedley Lamarr when he said he forget he was armed.

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To be fair, I guess it’s possible that Boebert forgot the whole incident, depending on what was in that vape pen. Recreational marijuana is legal in Colorado.


Semi-relevant sidebar from The Guardian:

“Her date, 46-year-old Quinn Gallagher, was a Democrat-supporting owner of a bar that hosts LGBTQ+ and drag events in the ski town of Aspen, Colorado. The events included a women’s party for Aspen Gay Ski Week and a Winter Wonderland Burlesque & Drag Show. Boebert has been an outspoken critic of drag shows.”


I’ll bet that liberal dude was just ticking off the GILF box. Yup, that’s right. Boebert became a grandmother at 36!

OK, Ann Coulter is totally right (words I never expected to type), but Boebert is in a special sub-group of totally embarrassing bimbos, those with nice gazongas. That makes her behavior acceptable. As the burning bush explained to Moses after giving him the ten commandments, “For yea and verily I say unto you, and it must be unto you since there is nobody else on this mountain top, that none of these rules apply to chicks with a great rack.”

The bush then continued, “Also, forget thy dress code for hot chicks when they cometh to swanky bullshit events.”

46 thoughts on “Lauren Boebert gets felt up in public

  1. John Fetterman in response to some recent criticism:
    “I figure if I take up vaping and grabbing the hog during a live musical, they’ll make me a hero,”

      1. Apparently she’s a great first date. She now says there won’t be a second date since she found out he’s a Democrat. She announced she’ll only be grabbing conservative GOP cock from here on out. Of course, that’s probably a lie too.

    1. I would have shrugged it off if she had been genuinely humbled by the event. All she had to say was, “I was tipsy” or “I was high,” and “I wasn’t sober and did a lot of things that were just irresponsible and unforgiveable.”

      Instead, she’s claiming not to remember vaping, and most important of all, has not offered any apology for the way she treated the people she dealt with.

      So she foolishly smoked some dope in public (I assume), which made her say and do things that a sober person would not. I get that. That could happen to almost anyone. Look how the world forgave Robert Downey and even Charlie Sheen.

      But it’s harder to forgive “Do you know who I am?” “You’re a sad person” and “I didn’t remember vaping,” all symptoms of an immature, entitled and/or dishonest brat. It was not long ago that we thought Sarah Palin was the ultimate in trailer-park politicians, but this lady makes Palin seem as wise as Eleanor Roosevelt and as dignified as Audrey Hepburn.

      1. Spanish soccer guy, too. It would have been dead simple to say – Everyone was high on the victory and low on sleep; I done fucked up, sorry. First say it to the soccer player, then to the press. Clean, over & done with, he might have even kept his job.

      2. Not sure if you’ve seen her ex’s Facebook post addressed “to the people of Colorado’s 3rd District and across the nation.” To quote:

        “[Lauren,] I hate the attacks that are coming your way. In part, this is my fault and you don’t deserve this.

        I am asking for you all to show grace and mercy towards Lauren in this troubling season. She deserves a chance to earn your forgiveness and regain trust. “

        1. In what world does she not deserve this? They were her actions, and she still has not owned them. Last I saw: (1) she was still claiming that she didn’t remember vaping; (2) she was still denying the things she said to the people in the theater; (3) she still had not apologized for the way she treated people; (4) she was still claiming that she was unaware of the rules against flash photography and filming the performance.

          The only thing she has done is to admit to (and regret) the things she did on camera, and she had previously lied about all those things until she realized they were on camera!

          Own it – we’ll forgive and go back to ignoring you.

          Keep lying – we’ll keep ridiculing.

          1. I thought that post was rather incredible given that Jayson Boebert himself was arrested for lewd exposure some years ago.

          2. It kind of feels like he’s playing the knight in shining armor to get back into her good graces and/or pants.

            Talk about projection. I say that only because that’s how I would play it.

          1. They were together for something like two decades and had four sons together, and now a grandchild. Something held him there for years, and it seems as if he doesn’t want the split even now, when she is determined to finalize it.

      3. She reminds me of the ‘sovereign citizen’ idiots I see in the police body cam vids on Youtube. When police encounter them, they lie about everything, angrily refuse to comply, smugly quote laws that don’t exist. In fact they try to make their own laws right on the spot, with delusional hopes that they can continue on with their crimes. Their typical response when driving on a revoked license is “I was traveling, not driving.” They usually end up tased & screaming in cuffs on the ground, which I wish had happened to Boebert. Would’ve been humorous to see her giant fake tits wildly swinging around as she tussled with security.

  2. When I first heard the story, I just thought, “What a shit show”. Now I find out that there’s video?! This is priceless. I am irrationally happy at finding out about the video. It’s awesome video too.

    It’s astounding that she was elected. God forbid that competence should be a minimum requirement.

    1. It’s even more astounding she was re-elected. A disturbing number of people have developed an immunity to reality.

      1. You’re surprised? Something like a third of American voters are still all in on Trump. They find reality to be a liberal plot.

  3. Her & MTG think they look like Raquel Welch in her prime, but I find them to be uglier than what Rosie O’Donnell’s asshole after she’s attacked a buffet. However, a Zappa lyric says it best about them:

    What’s the ugliest part of your body?
    What’s the ugliest part of your body?
    Some say your nose, some say your toes
    I think it’s your mind (Your mind)
    I think it’s your mind, woo woo

      1. Since Scoop added Count Floyd to the post:
        “The first time I saw Count Floyd, I almost strangled. I was drinking a cup of coffee, lying in bed watching television, and it was a complete surprise. Joe Flaherty nailed the essence of TV monster movie cheese without even using a real word from the English language — Big Eyebrows, Joe — real Big Eyebrows.”
        -The Real Frank Zappa Book

        1. Here in Dayton we used to have a guy like that back in the 70’s named Dr. Creep. Painted his face white, put on a little Alice Cooper-style makeup, introduced bad horror movies on a cheap set with cheesy things like ghosts on wires and werewolf howls. His partner was a guy in a dirty dog suit named Duffy the Dog. Those days are long gone, alas.

          1. Cleveland had the all-timer, Ernie Anderson, Ghoulardi. My father’s brother was married to his first cousin; my folks knew but never told me until much later for fear of further fattening my head.
            Re Count Floyd, Flaherty is said to have largely based his character after Chilly Billy Cardillie, a late-night horror guy from the ‘Burgh where he grew up. Two of my college buddies from the Pittsburgh area agreed with that.
            Incidentally, the Canadian Encyclopedia seems to think that the Burgh is spelled Pittsburg (no h).
            Some TV characters never get stale. Count Floyd is one of them.

          2. I can watch those Count Floyd segments about once a year, and I laugh every time.

            “You got to have your 3D glasses. So just send … er … (obviously making up a number on the spot) 27 bucks … to Count Floyd in care of SCTV”

            All US maps spell it Pittsburg from the 1890s until 1911, and that was also the spelling in the original city charter, which the US government used as the official basis for its spelling decision. That means, of course, that it was also the spelling used by the influential U.S. Post Office. If you research old newspapers, you’ll see that one old one was spelled the Pittsburg Dispatch, and they used that spelling until they folded. There was also the Pittsburg Press and the Pittsburg Leader. Google nGraM shows that the -g spelling was the most frequently used in all written sources from 1894 to 1911. (Obviously influenced by the official pronouncement of the US government.)

            In that same era, you may remember the most valuable baseball card of all time. This card was in circulation from 1909 to 1911:

            Incidentally, I don’t remember why the US Government finally relented and decided to use the -gh spelling.


            The Pirates never wore a uniform with the city name written like that. The creator of that card took an old B&W photograph, painted it, and stenciled the word “PITTSBURG” across Wagner’s chest. The artist did correctly paint the collar blue.

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  4. I’ve seen the video a bunch of times on X (Twitter) and she is vigorously going for the guy’s concealed weapon with both hands. Lucky guy, but not mentioned in these stories. Maybe she thought she was at a drive in?

    1. Stupid, obnoxious, overly made up, and has this trademark constipated chipmunk expression. Probably rocking bad store-boughts too. You’re serious?

        1. Well, I think she was just trying to find out for sure if that was a banana in his pocket or was he just happy to see her…..and squeeze her tits?

        2. As long as they had Catherine O’Hara from SCTV, they should’ve used Rick Moranis as Cavett instead of the real Cavett, who serves no comedic purpose in this scene. Moranis’ Cavett would stop the song, cross his legs, lean forward, and say “Um. I know you knew Groucho and Woody. I had the pleasure myself… back in my college days…” and on & on. He savaged Cavett, who had an annoying way of namedropping & turning the convo to himself. He also did a hilariously shallow Merv Griffin.

  5. Doesn’t everyone always assume that when it comes to MAGAts, every word is a lie and every accusation is a confession?

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