When you get right down to it, any story is improved by a pool boy. Even Road House, the single greatest achievement of mankind, could be better if Ben Gazzara had a pool boy (as he probably did in The Big Lebowski). Consider Love’s Labors Lost, Dante’s Purgatorio, the book of Leviticus or Finnegans Wake. Great works all, but not exactly page-turners for today’s students. Why? No pool boy. You could probably even get through Moby Dick if Ahab had a pool boy waiting for him on shore.
In fact, I considered at one time amending the law to read that no story can be worth reading UNLESS it includes a pool boy.
But I canceled that amendment when I realized a story could be equally interesting with a cabana boy.
Anyway, following Scoop’s law, I was filled with hope when I read this story:
“Jerry Falwell Jr. Resigns from Liberty University Amid Pool Boy Sex Allegations”
I was kinda disappointed. Oh, sure, it’s entertaining that Jr. liked to watch Mrs. Jr. fucking the pool boy, but I was really hoping it was going to be about Jr. himself having a little cuddle with said youth.
By the way, the pool boy is now 29 and a business partner of the Falwells, so I don’t think we should call him “pool boy” any longer.
I think he’s earned the right to be called “pool guy.”
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PREDATE: Here is the original Reuters article that broke the story. It indicates that the pool guy has naked pictures of Mrs. Jr.
UPDATE: Falwell says he won’t resign.
UPDATE #2: Jerry Falwell, Jr. confirmed Tuesday that he has resigned as president of Liberty University