Example:
(I never thought of this, although I suppose I should have)
The word “oxymoron” is an oxymoron. The original Greek root words are “Oxy” and “Moros” which mean sharp and stupid respectively.
The comments on that site include a few corrections to the 20 “facts.”
It is Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day in the Year of Our Shatner 93. Once again the world celebrates the event that has been described as “Mardi Gras with dongs.”
I hope that your family enjoys the traditional bird with all the trimmings. We always put a rooster into the oven at our house, but there’s never enough meat to go around because my brother-in-law always eats too much cock.
I also hope that you did your shopping early this year. I waited until the last minute, and the clerk at Walmart told me that they had no Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day gifts. I guess they must have sold like wildfire this year.
When you get right down to it, that’s not really important. Sure, kids of all ages enjoy the food and the presents, but amid all the merriment, we should never forget the true meaning of Giant Pink Japanese Day. As one commenter noted a few years back:
“Maybe Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day doesn’t come from a store.
Maybe Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day means a little bit more.”
Hemingway once wrote, “If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.” The same is true of Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day, for no matter where we roam, there is always a giant pink Japanese penis inside all of us.
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Warnings:
(1) Do not be fooled by imitations. Some other countries have gotten penis envy and have instituted Giant Penis Days of their own. Beware. These are rip-offs, although some have memorable celebrations, like Giant Brown Swiss Penis Day, where a different giant chocolate penis comes out of a cuckoo clock every hour. Giant Green Irish Penis Day is right out.
(2) Do NOT try to smuggle giant pink penises into Japan from other countries. In addition to the fact that you would face the dire legal penalties for giant penis smuggling (imagine Midnight Express, except with giant penises), there are simply good reasons why you should not do so.
The main thing to remember is that there is simply no need for you to take such a risk. There are plenty of giant pink Japanese penises to go around, and that means a fun day for one and all.
“Customer pulls gun on Burger King employee after getting a discounted breakfast”
“I don’t know why you want to pay more money.”
I don’t know these women, but they came dressed for the game (sample below).
For the record:
Winner for NICEST TITS (voted by fans): Angela White
Winner for TOP BIG TIT PERFORMER: Natasha Nice
Winner in the PROUST SUMMARIZING CONTEST: was televised below.
“Planters is searching for three people to join its team on a one-year detail chauffeuring Mr. Peanut around the country, bringing nuts to events and festivals, in the one-of-a-kind ‘NUTmobile.'”
Aroooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Joe Flaherty through the years.
Joe’s hilarious impersonation of William F. Buckley Jr.
Variety’s obituary here.
Joe was the oldest member of the original SCTV cast. He was 82, about 13 years older than the youngest, Catherine O’Hara. He is the third member of the original SCTV cast (seen below) to pass, following John Candy and Harold Ramis. The four living members are Andrea Martin, Catherine O’Hara, Eugene Levy and Dave Thomas.
Although SCTV was originally a Canadian show, that original cast featured three Americans: Ramis (Chicago), Martin (Portland, Maine) and Flaherty (Pittsburgh). That was the maximum allowed, because the rules prevalent at the time demanded that at least 50% of the performers had to be Canadian.
(Canadians Martin Short and Rick Moranis joined the cast later.)
Below, Joe Flaherty discusses the early days of SCTV with Jen Candy, John’s daughter. What a great, nostalgic visit with a charming man! When the hour was up, I wanted another two hours. I was deeply disappointed that Jen never got him on for a second appearance. (Curse you, pandemic.)
As Joe points out in that interview, he tool an unusual path toward Second City stardom. He was the classic late bloomer. After some college, the Air Force, and acting classes, he was already 28 when he joined Second City Chicago – as a stage manager! It was quite a while before he got to perform, and that happened only because the rest of the cast refused to work with Gerrit Graham on a road show, so Joe was plugged in as a desperation choice.
“Smell like a captain.”
I really hope this is an internet hoax:
The luxury fashion house Balenciaga has once again sparked debate with its latest accessory, a bracelet designed to resemble a roll of clear tape, complete with the brand's logo and a hefty price tag of approximately $4,000!
This is just insane pic.twitter.com/DwUFI7lMl4
— epicthings (@justepicthings) March 23, 2024
When asked about the price tag, a local Balenciaga sales representative, Geoffrey Spicoli, replied:
Children race to collect marshmallows dropped from a helicopter at a Detroit-area park.
No children died from falling marshmallows, but it was in Detroit, so several died from drive-by gunfire.
A state representative in Michigan claimed on social media on Wednesday night that he had photo evidence of “illegal invaders” arriving at Detroit Metro Airport. One of the two photos he posted on X showed an Allegiant Air plane. The other photo showed three buses. He wrote: “Happening right now. Three busses just loaded up with illegal invaders at Detroit Metro. Anyone have any idea where they’re headed with their police escort?”
The illegal invaders turned out to be the Gonzaga basketball players, who were arriving to play in the Sweet 16 round of the NCAA Tournament.
When somebody pointed out his error, the dim-witted pol responded (I’m not making this up): “Sure kommie. Good talking point.”
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Your elected representatives at work!
“In a recent Reddit thread, users offered thousands of different answers to the question, ‘What’s the best nude scene Hollywood has ever produced?'”
I’ll tell you numbers 2-6. Number one is a scene you might not expect.
2. True Detective
3. Total Recall (three breasts scene)
4. Fast Times
5. Boogie Nights
6. Wild Things
I’m guessing that’s their budget for monster trucks.
“This collaborative effort between the Saints and our fans has led to great ‘ball pig’ names like Pablo Pigasso, Alternative Fats, Boarack Ohama, Slumhog Millionaire …”
The Saints have also come under fire for other promotions as well. In addition to Ladies Nights and other traditional promotions, they used to host an annual Atheist Night.
The premise: guy fakes his own death to escape debt collection.
I think I’ve mentioned before that I once faked my own death to break up with a stalking ex-girlfriend. To this day, she still places flowers on my grave.
Clarification: I didn’t really do that, but I thought about it. I finally managed to get rid of her by doing something very similar to dying. I moved to Hungary.
To make a long story much longer, some reminiscences follow.
Continue reading “Lali Gonzalez naked in Rest in Peace (2024)”
“Liam Neeson Won’t Imitate Leslie Nielsen in ‘Naked Gun’ Reboot”
Do you think Liam was chosen because he has the same initials?
More important, will the new Nordberg imitate O.J.? Does he have to do it offscreen as well? If so, I have a casting suggestion – is Oscar Pistorius out of jail yet? Wait! What am I saying? O.J. is out of jail. Time for his comeback.
The film will be produced by Seth MacFarlane. For reasons not known to me, David Zucker, whose team created the Naked Gun trilogy as well as the original Police Squad TV series, has been completely excluded from the development of the new one. Pat Proft, who co-wrote the Naked Gun trilogy, said: “I’m not pleased. It may come out and may be great — and good for that — but I sure as fuck should be writing it. I should have done this one.”
This is a series about really, really old cops.
OK, I’m out of references. The title means “retired cops.” The premise is that staff shortages force two long-retired detectives back into action. If some scenes look too ridiculous for a crime show, I suppose that’s because IMDb bills the show as a crime comedy. Yeah, I know, it’s hard to tell with Germans. There are normally not that many laughs in an autopsy, but that is one zany nation! It’s almost as if Jim Carrey started his own race of people.
The entire episode is online for free. The nudity starts around 13:28. I give this episode a +2 on the Eurocrap scale.
Eurocrap Plusses:
“Seasons in the Sun” in German, right after the intro, starting at about the thirty second mark.
Death by crossbow in an office
Autopsy nudity
Eurocrap Minuses:
No green light in the autopsy room.
That could be:
It is none of the above. It is literally aquatic rodents in parachutes, and it’s a surprisingly interesting story – recorded on video.
It’s the King James version, or as Lee Greenwood calls it, the King Jim Bob version.
The former President notes that it is his favorite book.
It would be fun if some reporters would ask him some questions about the Bible. I would ask “Which was your favorite of the 12 Evangelists?”, just to see if he would catch on.
“Strategic Maple Syrup Reserves” at a 16-year low.
Many countries keep strategic reserves of essential commodities: petroleum, seeds, grain, uranium, medical supplies, etc. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Canada is the only country that considers maple syrup an essential commodity.
I can’t rate this any higher than fifth for total Canadianess since I’ve been collecting these. My picks for the top four are as follows:
Number 4: “Authorities seize 12 tons of beaver penises” with a street value of $24 million. This one turned out to be fake news.
Number 3: “Try not to let moose lick your car”
Number 2: “Man uses hockey stick to herd beaver out of traffic”
At number 1, and very hard to topple from the summit: “Woman hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose”
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In case you never noticed, we have a dedicated tag for Canadiana.