I’m pretty sure Trump’s people did not create this site.

You may also enjoy the Donald Trump library. His library even includes a “grift shop” which offers “Grab a Pussy Cookies” and “Notes of a Stable Genius” notebooks. The library itself includes a “Covid Memorial”, a “Wall of Criminality,” an “Alt-Right Auditorium,” the “Hall of Enablers” and a “Criminal Records Room.”

Perhaps best of all, see what happens when you go to loser.com

I’m thinkin’ those scientists may want to tinker with their formulas a bit. Put Bella Hadid and Gal Gadot side by side and ask a hundred people, fifty of each gender, which is more beautiful. I’m guessing Gal wins something like 75-25.

You don’t need to use Gal Gadot in the example. I’m sure you can find a hundred famous women who would beat Hadid by similar margins.

In last night’s The Undoing, the character of Hugh Grant’s persnickety mother corrected Nicole Kidman for saying something like “none of them are going.”

She said “None IS going, dear. None is a contraction of no one, and therefore must be singular.”

None of that is right.

You can tell from the sentence I just wrote above that “none” is not merely an abbreviation of “no one” or “not one.” You can’t substitute either of those into my sentence without creating gibberish.  In that sentence it replaces or contracts “not any.” Even though “None of that is right” is correctly written in the singular, it is not because “none” means “no one” or “not one.” “None” is a completely separate word which can also replace “not any,” and the expression “not any” can be singular or plural depending on context (see rule three below).

Here is the rule for indefinite pronouns in American English, in three parts:

1. Always singular: each, either, neither, one, someone, somebody, anyone, anybody.

2. Always plural: several, few, both, many.

3. Either singular of plural depending on the prepositional phrase that follows or is implied: some, any, none, all and most.

Rule three examples:

With prepositional phrase stated:

“None of the milk is missing”; but “None of the elephants are missing.”

“All of the milk is missing”; but “All of the elephants are missing.”

With prepositional phrase implied:

“Were any batters truly successful against Koufax?”

“No, none were.”

“Are any elephants missing?”

“No, none are.”

Note that if you answer the baseball question with “nobody,” which would not take a qualifying prepositional phrase, the verb must be singular, per rule 1. “Nobody” is always singular, with no exceptions.

“Were any batters truly successful against Koufax?”

“Hell no! Nobody was.”

To get back to the original point, Ms. Kidman’s character was correct to say “None of them are going.” It is possible that the character of Hugh Grant’s mother was supposed to be English, and therefore unfamiliar with the conventions of American grammar, but in that case she had no business correcting an American. (I guess Kidman’s character is supposed to be an American. She dropped her Aussie accent, except for the word “your,” which she can’t master with an American accent.)

Not to mention uncomfortable.

It gives new meaning to the word “prick” in sex acts.

Take it from me.

It’s as unpleasant as it sounds, but after my divorce and the death of all my pet skunks, porcupine-fucking was my only outlet. Thank heaven I was not in Florida at the time. I would have had to go to every one of their little dens and introduce myself as a porcupine-sex offender.

This website alleges that there are other unusual animal-related laws in Florida. For example, it is against the law in Miami for a man to force his wife to dress as a parrot. Florida women hate a parrot, which is weird because they love a cockatoo. Maybe three.

I’m kinda offended that they didn’t ask “other CRAP” for a plug. You might call it a butt plug.

“A TAKEAWAY restaurant has been ridiculed after a punctuation oversight left it named ‘Anus Kitchen‘ on flyers.”

Anus Kitchen

– where the back door is always open
– try the rump roast

Their celebrity spokesman is Sir Mixalot who says “ya gotta have ‘much more back’ … ribs”

This is unbelievable to me for many reasons.

Who even thought that Larry the Cable Guy could name a college, let alone root for one?

And even more significantly, who could have guessed that Larry the Cable Guy had teeth?

Joking aside, the distinguished Lawrence the Cable Gentleman (I think his real name is Dan) attended the University of Nebraska at Lincoln. I’m going to take a wild guess that he did not major in quantum physics or classical languages.

Some examples from the article:

  • An unfathomably high amount of document shredding.
  • Finally follow through on campaign pledge to stand in middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody.
  • Award Twitter user @920274749_000 the Presidential Medal of Valor for unwavering support over past four years.

Not mentioned: While the Preisdent has run up some impressive numbers of COVID victims he killed passively through neglect, there’s still many more he could kill actively by holding more crowded and maskless rallies.

“I want my kids to grow up in a world without desperate A-listers belting out some dumb-as-shit song about voting.”

I hope they allow non-A-listers to keep doin’ their thing. I never made a move without consulting Danny Bonaduce’s blog.

I have to go with the ‘Duce because Screech had to shut his blog down when he went to jail.

Ania Sowinski in The Devil’s Violinist

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why the Prince of Darkness would need a violinist. Especially if it is “THE” violinist, sort of implying that he employs exactly one violinist. I guess it cuts down on the overhead if he only uses one and pipes the music in throughout all of hell. I wonder if his sound system extends to other places filled with sinners, like purgatory

Or Nevada.

But why use a violin? If he wants spooky, hellish background music, he’d be better off with a theremin.

And if he wants music that will subject sinners to the unending tortures of eternal damnation, I have one word: bagpipes.

I’m guessing that the Evil One will not even accept people who play the steel drums or the banjo. Too fucking cheerful. People in hell are supposed to suffer, but nobody ever feels bad while listening to the banjo.

Oh, wait, I just realized … he will accept banjo-playing sinners, but they have to spend all eternity playing the fuckin’ bagpipes.


image host

“I’m angry and confused, and I demand that election officials cease being mean immediately. All this vote counting completely flies in the face of my emotions, and I won’t stand for it. We won’t let the Democrats make me cry.” At press time, an angry mob of Trump supporters had surrounded a vote counting facility to demand election officials make the president smile.

If you are a baby boomer, there’s a very good chance he was one of your idols in high school or college, and you probably remember him vividly, although he really hasn’t performed in about 50 years, with some brief exceptions for charitable causes.

In my corridor of the freshman dorms, perhaps half of the guys had at least ten of Lehrer’s songs memorized. Since we all came from different parts of the world, our slowly discovered mutual love for Lehrer’s satire was part of our bonding experience, perhaps the largest part. Jocks and nerds, intellectuals and frat boys found that they had Lehrer in common, and that led to some guys forming otherwise unlikely lifetime friendships.

“Lehrer, 92, announced Tuesday via his website that he’s effectively putting everything he ever wrote into the public domain. That means his lyrics and sheet music are available for anyone to use or perform, without having to pay royalties or deal with lawyers.”