This is not from The Onion. It’s a real headline from Newsweek.
To be fair, Newsweek is not your father’s Newsweek.
Category: WTF
As always, a Ponzi scheme causes the most harm to the people who come in last. Some of them lost every pattie of their original cow shit.
Extraction 2 has such intense action scenes that Chris Hemsworth is even sweating on the billboards! pic.twitter.com/WA9HJ0MbFo
— Netflix (@netflix) June 23, 2023
Just barely edging out the previous record of zero.
I especially liked how she fleeced the judges in three-card monty.
After the display she provided good eatin’ for all. She had it all: so talented, and so delicious.
18 minutes ago, Mark Zuckerberg posted this mysterious number , check https://t.co/Y9r5wAFPIk pic.twitter.com/VD9B220bAV
— ππππ πππ πππ (@henkvaness) May 31, 2023
When I made my trip to Russia in 2013, I wrote a novel. Yes, that was a very stupid way to pass my time when I had traveled to St. Petersburg with a beautiful young woman, but I had to deal with a severe moral crisis, and I did it in the way I know how.
My indecision about that relationship led me to examine the first 23 years of my life, and I suppose I learned a lot about why and how I trapped myself in a terrible situation. I had an unusual life between ages 3 and 23, I would say it was completely unique (as far as I know), and I suppose all of that may explain why I am always so timid about so many things. My mom and dad are gone, and I have never shared the details of my early childhood with anyone, not my best friends, not my ex-wives, not my children, so before I wrote this novella, none of the incidents existed except in my memory. Now at least they are on the record.
I will not claim to be James Joyce, but I can spin a yarn purty fair, and I have some pretty good ones to spin. I finished the work off in this week of illness by adding an epilogue.
There’s no Uncle Scoopy material except for my customary tip o’ the hat to Romy Schneider, so don’t expect any discussions of sex and nudity. It’s really kind of a sad story. There are also some laughs and there was a lot of fun in my life, but I always ended up getting humiliated in some way – physically, sexually, financially. After a few anecdotes, you’ll get the idea that they never seem to have a happy ending. I was like the Moll Flanders of Howdy Doody fans.
Anyway, those of you who basically know me because we’ve been sharing these blogs for decades may be interested to see what I was like in my years growing up in Catholic schools, which I never wanted to go to and my parents never wanted to send me to. I think you can guess that I have few kind words for the Catholic Church or its representatives.
Here is the link. (Blaise Sparrow is me.)
Talk about saying the quiet part out loud!
You know you’re out there when you are the craziest one on a talk show with Alex Jones and Nick Fuentes.
Ye and Nick Fuentes went on to talk about how much they admire Putin as well.
Least surprising observation o’ the day: “People often question the flavors and existence of our candy canes.”
Get ’em, while they last. Only four hundred bucks.
For just a few bucks more, you can also mix your loved one’s ashes with confetti, glitter and/or streamers.
“As of August 2022, the U.S. had 1.5 billion pounds of cheese in cold storage across the country. Thatβs around $3.4 billion worth of cheese.”
“A sizable portion of the stockpile is stored in a massive underground warehouse (a former limestone quarry) outside of Springfield, Missouri.”
If cheese ever becomes a precious commodity, Fond du Lac is the Dubai of the future. We’re building those skyscrapers now, on spec. We already have one that’s the tallest building in northern Wisconsin – nearly the size of a five-story building if you count the antenna, which admittedly comprises four of the five stories.
The internet is full of pictures and clips of Joey in this outlandish outfit. As far as I have been able to find, this crappy video is the only one with a visible nipple (or nipple-patch, as the case may be). Sample below:
There has to be a better version of this video somewhere. Stay tuned.
This seems to be a color version of her PETA ad, but the PETA image descends farther down her body, so we still don’t see the full monty. As a commenter points out, she was either wearing a crotch patch during all or part of the shoot, or one was added digitally. See below.
An extreme close-up seems to indicate that the crotch-patch was digitally added to the image. I am wondering whether both images are just Photoshop products. We know where the B&W images came from, but those color versions donβt seem to have a provenance that can be clearly established. As far as I can tell, they just appeared without attribution. And why are her eyes the wrong color in the “patch” version? I’m suspecting that both of these were created by ‘Shoppers by editing and colorizing the PETA images. But I don’t know that for a fact.
“Buckle up, because this is basically the Da Vinci Code.”
And a possible career resurgence for Nic Cage.
But before you start digging …
“Butler and Knight are the authors of many eccentric tracts, including one in which they earnestly argue that the moon was built by time-traveling humans from the future.”
Passengers on a Delta flight from Michigan to Minnesota say that the airline offered them $10,000 cash to give up their seats on an oversold domestic flight.
Are they remaking Gone With the Wind?
The sentence begins: “The New York Police Department said its beekeepers division …”
Say what?
Is ABC looking for a new scripted series? Police Beekeeper sounds like a winner to me. In an earlier day, I can see Leslie Nielsen gunning down the bees one-by-one with his police-issue 38 special.
The saga of the rugged Police Beekeepers reminds me of my own most famous acting role in The Battlin’ Bellhops, a partially fictionalized story about the legendary 603rd Airborne, which played such an important role in the liberation of Luxembourg. All of the members of that brave battalion of enlistees were former hotel bellmen, and most were just barely old enough to serve, yet they became lionized not only for their courage in battle, but for their steadfast unwillingness to accept tips from the liberated populations. They always stirred the Europeans when they marched into liberated towns wearing their little round red caps in lieu of standard military headgear. I had the supporting role of Skeeter, the naive and doomed German-American kid from Brooklyn who got separated from his unit and was mistakenly shot by an American sentry. The MP heard Skeeter speaking German to the locals and became convinced he was a spy, a suspicion which turned into certainty when Skeeter could not correctly identify the name of the famous Brooklyn baseball team. His crusty “sarge” delivered the funeral oration, in which he declared Skeeter to be “a swell kid, and a real great American, even though he obviously wasn’t much of a baseball fan.”
I guess that’s true in its own twisted way. But really that’s just jealousy, isn’t it? Sydney can dress like this and men stare at her with lust, while other people dressed this way would be the object of snickers.
As I see it, she’s just trying to make the optimal use of her talent, like all the rest of us.
It’s just that her talent lies in a different area from most of ours, and has a shorter expiration date, so she’s flauntin’ it while she has it.
