These are bad, but I think Babe Ruth topped them all.

The Babe tried to do steroids near the middle of his career. Of course, steroids had not yet been invented, so he decided to accomplish the same effect in injecting himself with ground-up sheep testicles. (He also thought that would give him a bigger bat in the bedroom, if you catch my rather obvious drift. Viagra had not yet been invented either.)

The Babe was great at baseball, but he sucked at PEDs. He made himself so sick that he missed about a quarter of the season and wasn’t his old self when he got back in the line-up, a situation the Yankees attributed to a “bellyache.”

(Investigative journalism apparently had not been invented either.)

See if you can tell which season he did this. Here are his triple crown stats:

1923 41-130 .393
1924 46-124 .378
1925 25-67 .290
1926 47-153 .372
1927 60-165 .356

I’m pretty sure you answered that question correctly, even if you know absolute zilch about baseball.

The Babe missed the first 40 games of the season, and then totally stunk for three more months. As of September 7th, he was batting .266 with 15 homers.

He finally recovered in early September. From September 8th until the end of the season, he batted .350 with 10 homers in 28 games, slightly above his normal pace. But that was too little too late for the mighty Yankees, who finished 7th! Here are the team’s finishes from 1921 until 1928

1921 1
1922 1
1923 1
1924 2
1925 7
1926 1
1927 1
1928 1

Again, I think the sheep testicle year is pretty obvious.

We have no information about how the injections affected his other mighty bat, but he also separated from his wife that same year, so you can probably make an educated guess.

Given that the Babe was already the best player on the planet before he tried the injections, and therefore had everything to lose, that may have been the most incompetent cheating of all time.

Here’s who would win a presidential race between any two people, objects or concepts

I found that Scarlett Johansson would beat Emma Stone 534-4, with Emma winning only New Hampshire!

UPDATE from the comments:

I decided to try a variety of abstract concepts (Love vs. Hate, Life vs. Death, etc.) Most of the results weren’t surprising, with the positive concept winning 100% of the vote.

What I found more interesting was this.

“Give me liberty or give me death”, indeed.

Scoop’s notes:

In the Liberty/Death challenge, one state was an exception – Missouri, I think. Otherwise, death rules, dude.

Additional comment:

I wonder if anyone could beat Meghan Markle except Jesus? Meghan easily defeats Oprah, Beyonce and Tom Hanks. The closest I could find was Demi Lovato. Meghan wins that match-up 283-235, with Illinois too close to call. Markle wins most of the Hillary States and Lovato wins the middle of the country.

Second UPDATE from the comments:

The answer to your Meghan Markle question is Taylor Swift 326-205. I can not find anyone to beat Tay Tay.

Scoop’s notes:

I didn’t think of her, but I suppose she is now the USA’s biggest star, which is cool, I guess. Sort of.