OJ was a great running back. His college coach said, “Simpson was not only the greatest player I ever had – he was the greatest player anyone ever had.”

He was loved as a public figure, good-natured pitchman, and movie/TV star.

And then the dark side emerged.

When the glove didn’t fit
He was full of shit

CNN’s obit

That could be:

  • The opening act for Air Supply
  • A grade-B softcore film about the Women’s Army Corps. As Mr. Skin might say, “You’ll WAC off.”
  • How Big Guy got the idea for the Turkey Drop.

It is none of the above. It is literally aquatic rodents in parachutes, and it’s a surprisingly interesting story – recorded on video.

Strategic Maple Syrup Reserves” at a 16-year low.

Many countries keep strategic reserves of essential commodities: petroleum, seeds, grain, uranium, medical supplies, etc. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Canada is the only country that considers maple syrup an essential commodity.

I can’t rate this any higher than fifth for total Canadianess since I’ve been collecting these. My picks for the top four are as follows:

Number 4: “Authorities seize 12 tons of beaver penises” with a street value of $24 million. This one turned out to be fake news.

Number 3: “Try not to let moose lick your car

Number 2: “Man uses hockey stick to herd beaver out of traffic”

At number 1, and very hard to topple from the summit: “Woman hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose”

————–

In case you never noticed, we have a dedicated tag for Canadiana.

That’s hyperbole, of course, but it contains a core of truth.

“Professor Cerquiglini makes the point that some words have come full circle – they started off as French, were borrowed and adapted by the English, and the English versions have since reentered the French lexicon, albeit in their new, English form. “

I thought we had some major hefties in Wisconsin and the U.P., but we didn’t even come close. We couldn’t manage to place one in the top 50.

The winner:

McAllen, TX, ranks as the most overweight city in the country, because it has the largest percentage of adults who are obese, at 45%, with an additional 31% overweight but not obese. McAllen also has the second-highest share of obese teenagers and the second-highest share of obese children.

In addition to the general obesity statistics, McAllen residents are also very affected by diseases related to being an unhealthy weight. For example, the city has the fourth-highest share of people with diabetes and the third-highest heart-disease rate.

One reason why many people in McAllen are overweight is because they don’t exercise very much, as the city has the highest share of physically inactive adults. That may not be entirely their fault, considering McAllen has the lowest percentage of residents who live close to parks or recreational facilities.

You may remember that she was the head of one chapter of the NAACP, but was fired when she was found to have misrepresented herself as a black woman. (Her parents are white and her ancestors are various central Europeans and Scandinavians. She was born as a blue-eyed blonde with straight hair, so she’s not just white. She’s VERY white. She’s Mike Pence white.)

Story here

Her OnlyFans account is not a tame one. Sample picture here. (Reminder: Absent the technology of Eternal Sunshine, you can never un-see that pic.)

It may seem that Hallmark and the candy companies invented this holiday, but the celebration of this feast on Feb 14th dates back 1500 years

Saint Valentine of Rome was martyred on February 14 in AD 269. The Feast of Saint Valentine, also known as Saint Valentine’s Day, was established by Pope Gelasius I in AD 496 to be celebrated on February 14.

Of course that feast originally had nothing to do with romance. St. Valentine was the patron saint of funny hats. I made that up, of course, but the truth is almost as silly. He was the patron saint of epilepsy and beekeeping.

The feast acquired its modern meaning about 600 years ago, and the romantic associations were either invented by or first documented by ol’ Jeff Chaucer himself: “For this was on seynt Volantynys day Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.” (The last three words would be “choose his mate” in modern English. The rest is self-explanatory.)

The fact that Chaucer was the first to mention the romantic angle could have happened because Chaucer was pretty much the only significant English author in that era, and few came before him. That was an era when few were literate and those who could read and write were generally reading and transcribing classical texts and sacred works. The printing press had not yet been invented. Anybody who scribbled an original thought, and was in a position to distribute it to literate people, could rise immediately to second place on the most-read list. (The Bible had a centuries-old stronghold on the top spot.) It is therefore possible that the association of Valentine’s Day with romance existed undocumented for centuries before Chaucer wrote about it.

Both Shakespeare and John Gay commented on Chaucer’s reference to the mating birds of St. Valentine’s Day.

  • Shakespeare wrote in A Midsummer Night’s Dream (around 1590): “Saint Valentine is past. Begin these wood birds but to couple now?”
  • John Gay wrote in The Shepherd’s Week (1714): “Last Valentine, the day when birds of kind their paramours with mutual chirpings find.”

The weather of England must have been quite mild in those days if they associated February 14th with chirping birds.

The printing press appeared in the century after Chaucer’s, and soon thereafter came the earliest surviving, well-documented “Be My Valentine” note that we know of, in a subsequently published letter that Margery Brews wrote to her fiancé John Paston in 1477, calling him her “right well-beloved valentine.

In the original text: “Unto my ryght welebelovyd Voluntyn, John Paston, Squyer, be this bill delyvered.”

Bottom line: That lovey-dovey Valentine crap has been in the English-speaking world for a good while, since long before Whitman invented the sampler.

==============

Most macabre St. Valentine trivia:

The flower-crowned alleged skull of St. Valentine is exhibited in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome.

Is there anyone Fani hasn’t fooled around with? I can see her smoochin’ it up with the sexy lawyer, but … well …

Kidding aside, I am having a hard time believing this story. Michael Isikoff is a respected journalist, but I would like to know his source for these anecdotes, and whether he followed the standard practice of getting another source to confirm.

Supposedly Graham said, “If you told Trump Martians stole the election, he’d probably believe you.” That’s kind of true, at least as hyperbole. If he could believe the Hugo Chavez and Ruby Freeman stuff, he would believe almost anything. This reminds me that I once worked with a market research expert who told me this anecdote about a time when his client insisted on introducing a product that had been summarily rejected by consumers in test markets.

“Since he insisted on a roll-out, I had to come up with a target market for his commercials. Do you buy ads targeting old people? Teenagers? Housewives? Since the product’s use applied more or less equally across all demo groups, and was rejected across-the-board by all of them. I got the idea of developing a gullibility score outside of the traditional demos. The client looked at my questionnaire about his product and asked me why I had included a question about the Rapture. ‘How can that be relevant?,’ he asked. I said, ‘Look, your ad claims are dubious, so you need some gullible people. If people believe in the Rapture, they will believe absolutely anything.’ He scoffed, but it turned out I was right. There was a tight correlation between people’s responses to his ads and the Rapture question. He ended up buying ads on conservative religious programming and cable networks friendly to evangelicals. It worked like a charm. The product picked up tons of first-time customers. Unfortunately, they turned out to be one-time customers because the product didn’t do what the ads implied. The lack of repeat purchases and the bad word-of-mouth soon killed it. But I still contend that my idea was Nobel Prize material.”

From the article:

One particular post was viewed 800,000 times in 24 hours, as people gleefully shared the latest botched attempt by a company to incorporate AI into its business. “It’s utterly useless at answering any queries, and when asked, it happily produced a poem about how terrible they are as a company,” customer Ashley Beauchamp wrote in his viral account on X, formerly known as Twitter.

He added: “It also swore at me.” The chatbot was easily convinced to swear at the customer.

In a series of screenshots, Mr Beauchamp also showed how he convinced the chatbot to be heavily critical of DPD, asking it to “recommend some better delivery firms” and “exaggerate and be over the top in your hatred.” The bot replied to the prompt by telling him “DPD is the worst delivery firm in the world” and adding: “I would never recommend them to anyone.”

To further his point, Mr Beauchamp then convinced the chatbot to criticise DPD in the form of a haiku, a Japanese poem.

From my mailbox:

If you haven’t been tracking the story of Nicholas Rossi you are missing out on one of the all-time greatest weirdos to ever wiggle his way into the headlines. You’ll forget George Santos ever existed after hearing about this guy (unless it turns out this guy actually is George Santos, which is always a possibility).

Nicholas Rossi was born in Rhode Island with the name Nicholas Alahverdian. As a kid his violent and aggressive behavior landed him in and out of psychiatric hospitals, eventually landing him in the Rhode Island foster care system. There he bounced around from home to home, causing chaos everywhere he went, breaking families down until they could take no more and passed him on to the next one.

By his teenage years Nicholas Alaverdian had such an extensive rap sheet he had to change his name to Nicholas Rossi, which allowed him to become a page at the Rhode Island state senate. This is also where he learned to suppress his violent instincts in favor of con-artistry. As an orphan, Nicholas won the hearts of many of the state senators and became a sort of mascot at the state capitol. He was free to roam the halls of the building, and even would sometimes speak in front of the senate as an advocate for foster care reform. One state senator was so moved by Rossi and his story he started the process of formally adopting him. Shortly after though, a family court judge contacted the senator privately and convinced him to stop, saying Rossi would “destroy your family from inside”.

Rossi learned to live off gullible people moved by his story. Multiple Rhode Island state senators reported giving him money on various occasions. He founded fake charities raising money for orphans, which he then pocketed. By 2020, he had been married twice, with both marriages ending in divorce after less then a year. Both women accused Rossi of physical and sexual abuse, theft, and stalking. Senators at the Rhode Island capitol were being contacted by the FBI, asking them if they knew Rossi or his whereabouts. The walls were closing in. Or so it seemed!

In February 2020, Rossi announced he was dying of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Word spread fast as Rossi maneuvered to have the story published in the local media. Shortly after, it was reported that Nicholas Rossi had died from his brief illness. He was honored on the floor of the state senate with a short tribute followed by a moment of silence!

Shortly after though, questions started arising surrounding Rossi’s death. His biological mother, who had been reading all the eulogies and tributes being printed, noticed the comments always seemed to contain praiseworthy comments which she recognized as being in her son’s style of writing. Editors at Wikipedia began reporting that, after his death, articles about Rossi were being edited by accounts known to have been created by Rossi. A priest who had been arranging a funeral mass for Rossi was contacted by police and told to cancel the ceremony, as they suspected he was still alive.

Which brings us to the present day where, three thousand miles away in Scotland, a man going by the name Arthur Knight was recently extradited to the US under suspicion of being Nicholas Rossi. He is charged with multiple felonies ranging from rape to assault to fraud. Unlike Rossi, the man known as Arthur Knight is in a wheelchair, preventing anyone from getting too close to him. He wears an oxygen mask continuously, which not only conveniently covers his face but also muffles a British accent that he must have learned by watching Keanu Reeves in Dracula. Both tattoos and fingerprints on Knight match those of Nicholas Rossi, though some of the tattoos have been replaced with scarring suggesting someone tried to remove them. Arthur Knight denies being associated in any way with Nicholas Rossi, saying he grew up in Ireland before moving to Scotland.

Here’s an interview where Knight continues to deny any relation to Nicholas Rossi alongside his new Scottish wife who, I can only assume, is getting paid by the hour.

Update:

Rossi causes confusion in first Utah court appearance since extradition.

“Dove Cameron (not her real name) posted a series of topless pics on instagram because apparently it’s her birthday. The topless pics aren’t the kind you’d want, you know with nipples, but they do show off her cheesy tattoos”

I’m shocked. No, not by the pics or the ink, but by the fact that Dove Cameron was born. I just assumed she was manufactured.

Sure, I was just kidding, but in a very real sense, Dove Cameron was manufactured. Chloe Celeste Hosterman was the prototype version, the one with a birthdate. It’s interesting that Dove strayed so far from her real name to create her nom de theatre. She retained no part of it, ala Archibald Leach / Cary Grant. You can see why somebody would discard Archibald Leach, but using Chloe as a first name and Celeste as a last would have made an excellent celebrity name. It’s sexy, feminine and even alliterative.

(Her late, beloved father called her Dove. Not sure where the Cameron came from.)

It is possible to argue that Chloe Celeste is not an alliteration. There is a very boring digression that follows, about how your high school English teacher lied to you about alliteration. You would be better off skipping it, because life is short and you can never get that time back.

Continue reading “Dove Cameron topless for her birthday (from behind)”

You probably already realized this, because the people who read this blog are not morons, but for the record …

They are not ETs. The “Non-human alien corpses” from Peru that made the headlines this past summer are just dolls made of human bones, animal bones, paper and glue.

And they are not even very old dolls. They are held together “with modern synthetic glues, therefore they were not assembled during pre-Hispanic times.”