Thursday, September 09, 2010
May he live forever.and work in some other profession.
"a family of soft toys who all have psychiatric illnesses."
"Patients include Dub the turtle with severe depression, Sly the snake who suffers from terrifying hallucinations, Dolly the sheep with a personality disorder and a crocodile which has an irrational terror of water."
URL says it all: WTFTattoos.com
Bloodbath analysis: Republicans Have One-in-Four Chance to Claim Senate Majority, Model Shows
There's a lot of time between now and the election night, but at this moment the most likely outcome is 52-48 Democratic.As of today: 37 seats are being contested, 18 GOP, 19 Dem.
- Seven races are too close to call (within the margin of error.) This includes Feingold, Boxer and Reid.
- 22 lean Elephant Red
- Eight lean Donkey Blue.
Not a single Republican senator is an underdog. No one is in a close race with the Dems. One Republican seat, however, could possibly become indy. (Florida; Rubio)
Five dems seem certain to lose and six others are locked in tight races.
9/11 Koran burning: Sarah Palin calls it "unnecessary provocation"
Oh, I don't know. The guy has announced the exact date, time and location of a public Koran-burning. What could go wrong?I'm glad I don't work on the Gainesville, Florida police force, 'cause that shit could get nasty.
Can you guess? Which is the Most Despised, Most Distrusted Minority in America?
Hint: it is not Moslems, Gays, Blacks, or Immigrants
Late Night Jokes Updated
"U.S. commanders in Afghanistan are ending their zero-tolerance policy on corruption and allowing local officials who are on our side to be 'moderately' corrupt. It's the same policy we have in Congress."
"Hillary Clinton opened the Middle East peace talks and said, "People with a history of conflict can learn to live together.' And believe me, she knows what she's talking about."
"A teacher has been jailed for six months for assigning her students masturbation as homework. What is happening to our education system? Remember when teachers cared enough to have sex with students personally."
"The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during 'Spongebob Squarepants.'"
"Rodney King has announced that he will marry one of the jurors from the trial that awarded him millions of dollars from the city of Los Angeles. If Judge Ito doesn't preside over this, there's something wrong with this town."
My review of Clooney's The American
This film exposes a flaw in our American idiom. Many people wrote "worst movie I've seen this year." That's not what they mean. When people say this, they actually mean "I hated this film more than any other." There's nothing "worst" about the film. Roger Ebert gave it four stars.There was, however, something deeply amoral, or maybe immoral, about the marketing. If you saw the ads you probably think it is some kind of Bourne/Bond thing with plenty of action in exotic locales, right?
Wrong. It's a classic example of Euro-angst. It's a Tarkovsky-style art house film bookended by two mediocre action sequences. Most of the time it consists of George Clooney sitting or standing around doing nothing, not even talking.
A better title for the film? Solaris 2.
There's plenty of female nudity to enjoy, if you like that, and I assume you do if you are reading this. If not, you can enjoy some endless, wordless nighttime shots of Clooney listening to his own footsteps as he walks through medieval cobblestone streets bathed in red light, then green, then yellow, then back to red. (The film's aesthetic is based entirely on traffic signal sequencing.)
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
"Spread 'em, Miss Piggy!"
It's official: Piers Morgan in; Larry King out
Mike Rizzo says his Wang will be out for the rest of the year
Not impressed. I went to college in the late 60s. A lot of guys had their wangs out for all of junior year.Maybe Mike regrets missing that.
Snooki pled guilty
Snooki goes on trial for being criminally annoying.
I'd like to see a lawyer come up with a defense against that charge. Furthermore, I'd like to see them pick an impartial jury of 12 people who don't already find her annoying."Hey, annoy dis, yer freakin' honor. Not freakin' guilty.
By the way, nice hammer, old timer."
"A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch"
Oddly enough, this anecdote is not about Margaret Thatcher.
Hulk Hogan was rushed to the hospital when he hurt himself collecting seashells
Common enough. Don't try that at home, kids. How do you think Stephen Hawking ended up in a wheelchair?Although to be fair, the condition usually strikes only philosophers and tubercular poets. But I guess the Hulkster is sort of a philosopher. Certainly he's a deeply contemplative guy.
Video clip: What are the Top Ten Things on Ellen Degeneres' Mind?
Will politics make if difficult to cast Ronald Reagan?
So they need a leading actor who is a conservative, and can play Reagan from age 20 to age 50? Good luck on that quest, lads!On Ranker's list of conservative actors, the only possibilities would be Dean Cain and that guy who played Jesus, but they're both too old to play Reagan at 20.
I think James Franco has the right looks and the boyish charm to play Reagan. I don't know what his politics are, but he's an actor, so one might fairly assume he's somewhere between Castro and Trotsky. On the other hand, he has enough acting ability to play The Gipper sympathetically.
Lorne has hired more crappy new Saturday Night Live players
The article complains that they still have no black woman for their skits. Fair point, but I'm thinkin' it might be more important if maybe Lorne would invest a few bucks and hire some writers. Preferably at least one who knows when a sketch is running too long.
Did Clint Eastwood turn down Superman and James Bond? Well, did he, punk?
"Dirty Jimmy"?
"Wife sets husband's go-kart on fire after tiff over Jennifer Lopez movie
The big twist? He was pro, she was anti!
At long last: Breast-enlarging ring tone
Scientists identify moves that make men irresistible on the dance floor
Because scientists are the best at knowing how to pick up chicksExcept, of course, for webmasters.
The 6 Best College Majors (For Filling You With Regret) | Cracked.com
The 5 Strangest Things Evolution Left in Your Body | Cracked.com
"a Florida man arrested Friday was found with more than $1500 tied to his scrotum with a shoelace"
15 Outrageous and Disturbing Costumes
If Magazines Were Forced to be Honest | Cracked.com Photoshop contest
The Hottest New Bullshit College Courses
You don't have to watch a slideshow. On the bottom left is a "view all" option.
Toy Pony Sparks Bomb Scare In Orlando
"It's not something you see every day, a child's toy treated like a terrorist's weapon. But investigators said they could take no chances with a toy pony equipped with wires and batteries."There is a video of the horsie being destroyed.
Top 30 Hottest Jewish Women Under 40
If you say so, dudes. I don't care one way or another, so I never pay attention to who the hell is Jewish, except that I know Jon Stewart is, because he mentions it approximately every 30 words. Scarlett Johansson? Really? That's cool.
I think I've mentioned before that my Eastern European family is filled with Jews, Catholics and atheists, but I can never remember which people are in which camp, and I'm not any good any any of those three things anyway.
Can you be a lapsed atheist?
Anyway, whether you care about their heritage or not, here's some hot babes. That I DO care about.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
"Were you aware that Uwe Boll, the modern-day Ed Wood behind such crappy video-game adaptations as Alone in the Dark, Far Cry, and BloodRayne, had made a Holocaust movie? Well, apparently he has, and, just in time for the Jewish holidays, here's the graphic, exploitation-y, NSFW evidence. In the just-released teaser for Auschwitz, the world's worst director himself — who, in 2007's Postal, joked that his films were paid for by Nazi gold — cameos as an SS officer guarding the door of a death-camp gas chamber. We see prisoners suffocating, being loaded into ovens, and having their teeth pulled. It's disturbing stuff, obviously"
Late Night Political Jokes Updated
"Hillary Clinton is denying rumors that she will replace Joe Biden as the Vice President in 2012. It's fun to have a Clinton denying stuff again."
The 30 Funniest Netflix Suggestion Fails
Store Owner Defends Convenience Store Against Robber With Cans of Pepsi
Pics: Engrish in Asian Airports
U.S. greenbacks: the largest denominations ever issued
"Buckinghamshire man hopes for dinner table speed record"
"The Queen Anne table laid out for a silver service dinner achieved an average speed of 113.8mph, although it hit 130mph at one point."
Reggie Bush To Be Stripped of Heisman Trophy
Why Eminem Needs to Find Something New to Rap About | Cracked.com
Woman finds penis-shaped chocolate in a Cadbury’s packet
Needs more Wonka, less Willy.
Sheep refuse to run for Montana event
"Participants and officials with the 2010 Great Montana Sheep Drive said the running of the sheep was marred by rain and directionally-challenged sheep."
Happy 80th birthday to jazz legend Sonny Rollins
So You Woke Up With a Hangover on an Alien Space Craft | Cracked.com
"Death by Vuvuzela? It's Actually Possible"
17 Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped (Part 6) | Cracked.com
Hanna-Barbera Cartoon Character Matrix
Larissa Riquelme Nude Pictures En Fuego in 3-D!
