FDA approves smaller condoms for American men because regular ones are too big

UncleScoopy

“After a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that the average American’s penis is one inch shorter than the minimum 6.69 inch length requirement of condom manufacturers, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved smaller condoms. A 2014 study conducted on 1,661 American men from Indiana University found that the average penis length was only 5.57 inches.”

UPDATE:

From the comment section:

This story is probably apocryphal, but I heard it years ago. During WWII, the U.S. was sending military supplies to the Soviet Union. Stalin requested condoms, but asked that they be 18″ long so as to fit the average Russian soldier. FDR agreed and had the condoms manufactured, but had each one (or each box, I’m not sure) stamped “Texas Medium.” I’ve heard that the reason for the request might have actually been to cover rifle barrels to keep them clear and the nonstandard size simply to fit longer guns. But regardless of its historical accuracy, the story is too good not to share.

Another apocryphal story I heard as a child (that was completely unrelated to genital size) was about the Bronx River. The story I heard that was during the Revolutionary War, a British Admiral looking at a map, decided he could win a battle by sailing his ships up the Bronx River to get in behind General Washington’s troops. Unfortunately for the Admiral all the ships ran aground and General Washington was able to escape. That was because the Bronx River is (and presumably was) a river in name only. In reality it barely constitutes a stream. I’ve never been able to find any documentation of such an event. I asked a professor of mine that taught a class on Bronx history and he hadn’t heard anything about it. But if I ever write a screenplay about the Revolutionary War, I’m going to include how the battle of the Bronx River was won by General Washington’s men using 18 inch “Colonial Medium” condoms on their musket barrels.

Sarah Silverman Says Louis C.K. Masturbated in Front of Her With Her Consent

UncleScoopy

“When we were kids, and he asked if he could masturbate in front of me, sometimes I’d go, ‘F— yeah I want to see that!’ … It’s not analogous to the other women that are talking about what he did to them. He could offer me nothing. We were only just friends. So sometimes, yeah, I wanted to see it, it was amazing. Sometimes I would say, ‘F—ing no, gross,’ and we got pizza.”

The Democrats are giving luxury cars to “illegals”

UncleScoopy

SWEET! I wan’t a piece of that. Just call me Tio Skupi, and hand me the keys to my new Lexus!

I wonder if those are the same Democrats that want to bring back lynchings for black men! So they love light-to-medium brown people and want to give them BMWs, but hate dark brown people and want to lynch them. They love Immigrant Caravans, but hate gas-guzzling Dodge Caravans. Kind of a confusing ideology. But then again, Democrats have always had a confusing ideology.

Among the GOP’s latest wild-eyed claims is one that’s truly the scam of a master con man. Trump plans to announce a massive tax cut for the middle class just before the mid-terms. Can you see the brilliance in that? Trump can’t pass those tax cuts without a Republican majority in the House, so if you don’t go out and vote Republican – it’s the poorhouse for you, bubba! It’s essentially a bribe to vote GOP. While this sort of pandering is utterly evil, in a way you have to admire the sheer mad genius in it! Trump might be the greatest snake oil salesman in history.

Mueller drills down on Roger Stone’s lies

UncleScoopy

At this point it’s obvious that Stone has lied about pretty much everything, but it’s still not clear what the truth is.

For example, Stone said Randy Credico was his connection to WikiLeaks. Credico has no idea what Stone is talking about, but mentioned that Stone had claimed to him that he had a secret backdoor link to WikiLeaks. “He may have had somebody, I don’t know,” said Credico. “Who can tell with this guy?”

Stone also said “I would never have said I should get credit for coordinating with WikiLeaks since I did no such thing.”

but sources have revealed…

“Stone claimed in separate communications he should receive credit for coordinating with the group.”

It’s really not possible to say with Stone whether his lies are significant. He’s the kind of guy who’s always bragging and trying to impress his listeners, so you really can’t expect him to be consistent in the claims he makes to different audiences. He is, in blunt terms, a bullshitter. I suppose his defense can be, “I was bullshitting when I said that.” (It won’t be in those words, but I convinced that he’ll use something to that effect.) So, to the major question of “Did he share WikiLeaks info with Trump or the Trump campaign?” one can’t use his own words as evidence for or against it. Interpreting his history of claims is like trying to solve one of those logic puzzles where you come to the fork in the road and there are two guys standing there, one of whom always lies and one always tells the truth, but you don’t know which is which, and you only get one question.

Only hard evidence – e-mails, recorded conversations, etc – can tell investigators the real story.

Superduper model Elle Macpherson topless

UncleScoopy

This is a scene from Sirens, one of the greatest movies of all time for those who like to see famous women naked. It features full-frontal nudity from Elle, Portia de Rossi, Tara Fitzgerald and others. Elle gained about 20 pounds for the role to make herself seem more like her character, a sensuous and beautiful rural tomboy.

The movie is well worth a look if you need to place one on your “to see” list. As I wrote in my review, the film would be watchable without the nudity, and the nudity is spectacular. Even Hugh Grant is good in this movie. His role called for an intelligent, but immature, man filled with false modesty. When you get right down to it, the screenwriter must have been picturing Grant when he wrote it. It’s like writing a part for a totally unfunny douchebag who imagines himself humorous, and then casting Pauly Shore.

Writer/director John Duigan has nothing else in his resume that compares to this in terms of nudity, but (to quote myself):

“Writer/director John Duigan has had some disappointing outings, but his work in the 90’s had a remarkable blend of intellect, flair, and sensuousness. I want to think that the absolutely terrible ‘Paranoid’ was just a huge aberration in his career. If St Peter asks my opinion, as he so often does, Duigan gets into heaven just on the basis of Sirens alone.

Although, frankly, we’re gonna miss this horny bastard down in hell.”

As far as I know Duigan, now 69, is still alive, although he has no IMDb credits in the past six years. Not sure what he’s up to.