Friday, March 19, 2010
"Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich announced he will change his no vote and he will vote yes on health care. Now, I don't want to imply he made a deal, but he announced it at Cleveland's new Airport, which is right next to the Dennis Kucinich Highway and the new Dennis Kucinich Middle School." –Jay Leno
"And 80-year-old Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens said he's considering retirement, either that or playing for the Minnesota Vikings next season." –Jay Leno
"Obama was a great ballplayer when he was a kid, but naturally, the other team never let him pass anything." –Jimmy Fallon
Celebrities Who Look Like Other Celebrities
"Quick, answer this question: Which movie star would you most like to see completely, 100 percent naked on screen?"
"I know, I know, you hardly have to think because it's such an obvious answer. Well, our wish will apparently be granted this June."
The Marriage Ref Exposes Martha Stewart's Gangsta Side
Mystery quote of the day: (Hint: Not Andy Dick) "I have to think about not what is best for my vagina but what is best for my fans "
"Docs removed wrong testicle"
"Nova Scotia woman tired of being declared dead"
Stephanie Seymour nipple slip
More of Michelle Bombshell naked
Even more of Michelle Bombshell nekkid
Gee, she's been getting a lot of ink lately.(Hey, somebody had to say it.)
Katherine Heigl - wardrobe malfunction
Unfortunately she caught it too soon.
Stephanie Seymour + bikini = win
"I don't know what bikini designer decided bikinis shouldn’t be water proof, but we should find out and then put his picture on all our money, in honor of this great great man."
URL says it all: GirlsInYogaPants.com
Speaking of The Brain: Quotations from Chairman Bobby (Heenan)
They didn't list my favorite.Heenan was announcing a "midget match" in the Garden, and during the next match Heenan said "I interviewed him (the winning 'midget') in the locker room after the match and he said 'Bobby - a big win here in my Madison Square Garden debut, in front of all these people and my family - I'm just walkin' on air. It makes me feel like I'm five feet tall.'"
Natalee Holloway's body MAY have been found by divers.
The Jon Stewart Clip That Will Make Glenn Beck Cry Real Tears
Stewart spent the entire first segment of his show in character as Glenn Beck, complete with the crazy board.
Anderson Cooper Sucks at Jeopardy!
But relative to the norm for CNN anchors, he seems like one of the greatest minds of our time, as smart as Steven Hawking or possibly even Bobby The Brain Heenan.
WTF: The Al Bundy Booty Shakin' Mega Dance Mix
Mother dressed her baby as Hitler, other dictators for exhibit
Courts rule: Loud Sex Enough for Cops to Search Your Home
Scientists abandon that search for a stubborn cancer cure to produce glow-in-the-dark fruit fly sperm
The Betty White Meme: When The Internet Stopped Making Sense | Cracked.com
High School Theatre | Cracked.com Topics
5 Movie Romances That Won't Last (According to Science) | Cracked.com
8 common phrases you might not know the origin of
Never bring a knife to a roll-on deodorant fight
French cinema nudity news: Les Actrices Francaises Nues a l'Ecran is updated
Henri IV pics, Julie Gayet, and more
Thursday, March 18, 2010
"The American College of Cardiology says that over-exercise can be as bad for your heart as no exercise at all. This could affect nearly two Americans." –Jay Leno"Obama going on Fox News? That's like John Edwards going on 'The Marriage Ref.'" –Jimmy Fallon
NCAA.com ... More upsets!
#14 seed Ohio crushes #3 seed Georgetown! That's the first 3-14 upset since 2006.#11 Washington edges Marquette
Late Night Political Jokes Updated Daily
"You guys see the 'GQ' pictures of John Edwards' mistress, Rielle Hunter? Today, she called them 'repulsive', and says she trusted 'GQ''s photographer to take classy photos. Yeah, because anytime I'm on a bed in nothing but dress shirt and underwear next to a Dora the Explorer doll, I think, 'This is gonna look classy.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"C-SPAN is uploading 23 years of video on the Internet. Or if you want to get the sensation of watching 23 years of C-SPAN, just watch 2 minutes of C-SPAN." –Jimmy Fallon
Scholar Says Lost Shakespeare Play Is No Hoax
Roger Ailes to Fox News staffers: don't make Glenn Beck cry
"Heidi Montag to Fire Her Psychic"
What's the fun in that? He already knows.
The King of the Wild Frontier is dead at 85. I assume he went down swingin' Ol' Betsy
"When he come home, his politickin' was done,While the western march had just begun.
So he packed his gear, and his trusty gun
And let out a grinnin' to follow the sun."
That verse applied to Fess Parker as well as to Davy Crockett. When he finally hung up the ol' coonskin cap, he became a vintner in California's wine country.
No question about it, Fess Parker was my favorite performer when I was a kid. I saw all his movies, knew every episode of Davy Crockett by heart, owned a coonskin cap, and begged my parents to take me to all of his movies, like The Great Locomotive Chase, Old Yeller, and Westward Ho, The Wagons!
Davy and his friend/enemy Big Mike Fink
Davy at the Alamo:
NCAA.com – March Madness
This is already turning out to be much more interesting than last year's NCAA tourney.So far:
11th-seeded Old Dominion defeated Notre Dame. 10th-seeded St Mary's beat Richmond. 13th-seeded Murray State beat Vanderbilt by one on a buzzer shot.
The magnitude of Vandy's ignominious upset was almost dwarfed by what happened in the Villanova game, in which 2nd-seeded 'Nova almost lost to unheralded Robert Morris University, or should I say "one of the Robert Morris Universities," because there are at least two completely independent universities with that exact same name. This is the one in Pittsburgh. It was almost a call for Robert Morr-eese. Villanova finally beat The Fightin' Chairs in overtime.
Joanna Krupa Is Nude In Playboy
80 Real Photos That Look Fake
Hitler-Themed Bars in Asia
They're gonna party like it's 1939.I'll bet this is not a popular theme in Poland.
Or Israel
John Cusack is to rain scenes as Billy Zane is to sinking ships.
ROTTEN TOMATOES: Movies Opening This Week
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: 56% positive reviews, 3000 theaters. Family fare based on a popular series of "illustrated novels."Bounty Hunter: 14% positive reviews, 3000 theaters. Rom-com with King Leonidas and Aniston. Ebert awarded a star and a half and wrote: "I stared with glazed eyes at The Bounty Hunter. Here is a film with no need to exist."
Repo Men: 22% positive reviews, 2500 theaters. High concept sci-fi flick with gory action. Ebert assigned it two stars and wrote: "I don't know if the makers of this film intended it as a comedy. A preview audience regarded it with polite silence, and left the theater in an orderly fashion. There are chases and shootouts, of course, and a standard overwrought thriller soundtrack, with the percussion guy hammering on cymbals and a big bass drum. Even then, you wonder."
The Weekend Warrior: March 19 - 21
He predicts that Alice will run the table again. The three new wide releases are slated to finish 2-3-4. Diary of a Wimpy Kid and The Bounty Hunter are expected to fight it out for second place with totals in the low 20s. Repo Men is expected to do about half of that.
Baseball's ultimate one-year wonder.
You think Brady Anderson was a fluke? Consider Fred Dunlap. In 1884 he had the best OPS+ in baseball history until Barry Bonds discovered steroids. That's right, higher than Ruth, Gehrig, Williams, or anyone in their best year. He also won the triple crown, or what portion of it was available, since they didn't count RBI that year. He did lead the league in homers and took the batting championship with a solid .412. That was not an era when everyone batted .400 like the mid-1890s. Dunlap won the batting championship by 52 points, and it took only a modest .285 to make the league's top ten.He also led the league in on-base percentage (by 50 points), slugging percentage (by 120 points), runs scored (with 160, 30 more than the nearest competitor), hits and total bases. He missed leading the league in doubles by a single two-bagger.
Does that sound impressive? I haven't even started yet. He was also the manager of the team, and they went 94-19, for an unbelievable .832 winning percentage. That's equivalent to about 135 wins in the modern schedule! They won the pennant by 21 games in a 113-game schedule. They scored eight runs per game while holding their opposition below four.
This was not just Brady Anderson having an excellent year. This was a guy who had arguably the greatest hitting year and the greatest managerial year in baseball history - at the same time!
Oh, yeah, did I mention that he was also the best-fielding second baseman of his day, and by a wide margin? He led all major league second basemen with a .926 fielding percentage. That was spectacular in those bare-handed days. It was 54 points higher than the next best regular in the league. He also led all second sackers in range factor, with 6.41 chances per game. The next best regular averaged 5.71.
So what happened to the esteemed Mr Dunlap? The next year, playing in even more games, he batted .270 with two homers. His slugging average dropped just a tad, from .621 to .333. His managerial skills also suffered a bit. His St Louis Maroons finished in last place, 49 games out of first, with a .333 winning percentage, a drop of about 500 points! Their run production dropped from eight per game to three and a half. Dunlap was dismissed as manager 50 games into the year, although he remained on the team as the regular second baseman. He was still the best-fielding second baseman in baseball, and would continue to be for years, despite having forgotten what to do with a bat or a line-up card. It turned out to be a good thing that ownership kept him around, because the next manager (the first baseman) led the team to a 6-32 record, a performance so dismal that Dunlap got his old job back, at least until the end of the year.
"Sure Shot" Dunlap kicked around for several more years, even got another chance to manage (years later, for 17 games in the middle of a season), and continued to play great defense, but he never again batted more than .274, hit more than seven homers in a season, or had a winning record as a manager. He never again led any league in anything on the offensive end, and was dead before his 45th birthday, all but forgotten
But in 1884 he was the baseball God.
Well, except maybe for Ol' Hoss Radbourn. If you're a huge fan like me, you know that was also the year when Radbourn went 59-12 as a pitcher. Technically, he was 59-12-2. He started 73 games and finished all of them, but two were ruled a draw because of darkness (since there were no lights in those days). The bullpen didn't get a lot of work back then, although Ol' Hoss did find time to make two relief appearances in games started by other pitchers. (Wait! They had other pitchers?)
Last one to leave Detroit - please turn out the lights.
"District data shows full-time, pre-kindergarten through 12th grade enrollment has decreased from about 164,500 in 2002-03 to 87,700 for the current school year. Enrollment is projected to dip to 56,500 in 2014-15."
Sophie Howard Topless Pictures are Nuts
It's the Tiger Woods sext messages
"The second porn star that Tiger Woods had an affair with launched a web site today called Sexting Joslyn James, where she, as you might have guessed, reveals all the sexy text messages sent to her by Tiger. Or so she claims."It is rough stuff.
The 75 Most Amazing Amateur Basketball Trick Shots Caught on Video
"I just hope my family can't tell who I am from my bottom"
"here is a collection of court applications filed by individuals desperate to ditch their given surnames"
Fuk King Kwak to Andy King Kwak.Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz to Jon Stewart (Yes, it is THE Jon Stewart)
Military trains parachuting dogs to defend against the threat of parachuting bears.
Here, boy ... fetch (throws ball out of plane).
Sandra Bullock has moved out
Meh. Who cares? But Tyler's comments are funny:"According to Forbes, Bullock is worth 85 million dollars, so all this retard James had to do was have sex with Sandra Bullock forever and he'd get to split 85 million dollars. If anyone has ever been this fucking stupid before, the government has kept it under wraps, so as not to embolden our enemies."
Man Comics: Terrifying Safety Lessons for Kids | Cracked.com
He could still sell a song as well as anyone
The 5 Most Half-Assed Scams That Were Shockingly Successful | Cracked.com
Nigerian scam:"What does surprise us is when somebody like Nelson Sakaguchi falls for it. You see, Sakaguchi was director of the Bank Noreste, in charge of - you cannot make this shit up - its overseas accounts. While Sakaguchi presumably came armed with a vast array of knowledge from a lifelong career in bank management, he was no match for the Nigerians who probably came armed with a fax machine from a foreclosed-on Staples, some second-hand Hypercolor sweaters and a command of the English language only rivaled by Japanese t-shirts run through Babelfish a few times."
Big Star Singer and Cult Icon Alex Chilton Dead at 59
"Alex Chilton, singer and guitarist of Big Star, one of the most influential rock groups to emerge from the early 1970s, has passed away at the age of 59. Chilton reportedly suffered a heart attack today in New Orleans, just days before Big Star were scheduled to perform at the SXSW Festival in Austin, Texas. Chilton had been complaining about his health earlier in the day, and was eventually taken to a New Orleans hospital, where he was pronounced dead."
Joe Biden - the master of stand-up comedy
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
This is the well-inked chick that Bullock's hubby was allegedly bangin' while Sandra was off somewhere fighting crime or curing cancer or winning an Oscar or something.
People Get Naked to Protest Against Bullfighting In Madrid
Heidi Klum Topless Pictures are Very Alluring
Tip for chicks: Be very worried if your hubby has a female friend named "Bombshell"
"After she won the Academy Award for 'The Blind Side,' Sandra Bullock broke down and cried as she thanked everyone, including Jesse James, her husband for the past 4 years. She would have been crying even more if she had known what Jesse was doing when she was actually making 'The Blind Side.'"
Craigslist Vegas is not like your local Craigslist: Looking to start band... with unique twist
"Here's the twist: We would play covers of the bands I mentioned but when it's time for the guitar solo, I will drop my pants. I have an urethral implant that I can set up to emit a small flame of natural gas and will light it on fire. For the duration of the guitar solo I will swing my cock around on fire. When I do it at the right speed it looks like a flaming pinwheel or Fourth of July sparkler. When my solo is over pants go back on."
Bonus: sung by a very young Sean Connery!
St. Patrick's Special: The Ultimate "Drunk People Falling" Compilation
VIDEO: Leprechaun: In the Hood.
"... a film which is, without question, the greatest cinematic testament to both Irish and street culture of all time."
Tensions Between Northern, Southern Ireland Come to Boiling Point on The Simpsons
"This was such a pleasant St Patrick's Day 'til the Irish people showed up."
Recipe o' the day: Steve Jobs Cheese Head
Late Night Political Jokes Updated Daily
"Thank you for coming on the Ides of March. You know, this is March 15. It was on this day in 44 B.C., Julius Caesar met his end. He was stabbed in the back by members of the Senate, ironically, while pleading for health care." –Jay Leno
"It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. So what are they telling us? Follow me guys. Remember, a couple of months ago, doctors said drinking a glass of alcohol every day was good for your heart. Smoking prevents Parkinson's disease. Marijuana is good for glaucoma. Sex is good for your prostate. Screw health care. Let's party!" –Jay Leno
"Hey, learning more and more about that homegrown terrorist, that woman, Colleen LaRose, also known as Jihad Jane. They're calling her the most dangerous person to come out of Pennsylvania since Ben Roethlisberger." –Jay Leno
"Everybody changed their clocks this weekend for daylight savings. So you move it ahead. And even the Taliban move their clocks ahead. They moved it up to the 11th century." –David Letterman
"He went on Glenn Beck and told about his 50th birthday party, with all men, and they got into a big tickle fight. You know, like guys do. Don't you hate that, when you're in a big, giggling pig-pile of dudes and people try to make it into something gay?" –Bill Maher
"They used to call him a 'Navy Seal'—not because he was in special forces, because he was always balancing balls on his nose." –Bill Maher
"New Rule: President Obama must not bail out Greece. Besides democracy, philosophy, geometry, poetry, architecture and drama what have they ever given us? Greek President Papandreau came to Washington this week, begging for money. To which I say: Screw you, Zorba, and the horse you came hidden inside of. You want our hard earned dollars? Come back when you're an insurance company." –Bill Maher
"The good news: New York City has filled 2,000,000 potholes. The bad news: they were the only things slowing down the Toyotas." –David Letterman
"We lose an hour of sleep this week. Of course, if you’re roommates with Eric Massa, you may not want to fall asleep at all." –Jimmy Fallon
"Federal officials just revealed that a member of al-Qaida worked at three nuclear power plants in New Jersey over six years. Wait, there are three nuclear power plants in New Jersey? I guess that explains Snooki." –Jimmy Fallon
Historic Bad Decisions Explained Via Infographic | Cracked.com Photoshop contest
6 Subtle Ways The News Media Disguises Bullshit As Fact | Cracked.com
"Pisco, probably the world's first surfing alpaca"
Buzz Lightyear was the first man on the Moon, according to one in ten school pupils.
Leprechaun Besieges the Townsfolk of Mobile, Alabama
iowahawk: Half Irish and Half Proud of It
9 bizarre green foods to try this St. Patrick's Day
"23 year old Sara Balint is a hot fashion model who is building an international reputation as the 'go to girl' for those who need a particular speciality ... THONG MODELING!"
Leprechauns: 7 Things You Probably Didn't Know
