Friday, January 27, 2012
Fran Drescher Claims She Was Abducted By Aliens
I can understand why they didn't keep her.
This week's movies - update. Katherine Heigl goes for another zero!
"No wonder Lionsgate chose not to screen the finished product in advance for review. 'One for the Money' is a surefire example of inept filmmaking, absolutely reeking of rote desperation."
The Onion Video Week in review, Jan 23-27, 2012
Joan Rivers without make-up
People seemed to find this horrible, but I think she doesn't look that bad for her age. Because she acts young and looks fairly youthful with make-up, people forget that she's nearly 80. What the hell do you expect her to look like?
For comparison, she's almost exactly the same age as Willie Nelson
Brandi Glanville rates Gerard Butler 11 out of 10 in bed. Gerard has no idea who she is.
There's a simple explanation. I fucked Brandi and told her I was Gerard. I guess I fooled her with the Phantom of the Opera mask.
Study: Working in groups can lower your intelligence, particularly if you’re a woman
"My Favorite Museum Exhibit": The Bishop's Rectum
Doomsday Speeches: If D-Day and the Moon Landing Had Failed
If D-Day had failed, Eisenhower was planning to say, essentially and succinctly, "It's my fault."
Presumably Nixon would have said, "It's not my fault. I blame the Democrats and the hippies."
"A Guide to Working Ladies of London" book under investigation by police"
"Guide book lists contact details, 'specialisms,' working hours and charging policies of almost 600 sex workers."
"Brace yourselves for what may be the five ugliest days in the history of presidential primary politics."
That might actually prove entertaining.
NBC execs nervous as Fear Factor makes contestants drink donkey semen
I think it's probably harmless. I know a woman who used to blow donkeys regularly, and she was fit as a fiddle.
Virgin Mary appears on grill of La Feria restaurant
5 Famous Late Bloomers | Cracked.com
5 Reasons It’s Impossible to Find Funny Books | Cracked.com
Scientists claim to create invisible object
Big deal. I've also done that. Here it is:
Before I started tinkering, I never dreamed that I could place the entire nation of Sri-Lanka right there on my web page, but there it is! Too bad it's invisible. You'd be impressed.
In Japan, a hotel for dead people
It's called (I didn't make this up) Lastel.
"The death rate in Japan is on the rise, with an average of 23,000 more people dying each year over the past decade, according to a report by Reuters. The result is an average waiting time of four days for a crematorium. Owner Hisayoshi Teramura says Lastel — located in the suburbs of Japan’s second largest city, Yokohama — offers families an alternative to keeping bodies in their home."
FiveThirtyEight: 2012 Florida Republican Primary Projections
The see-saw battle continues.
As of today, 538 has reversed the projection from a 60% chance of a Gingrich win to a 69% chance of a Romney win. The three most recent polls show Romney with a 7-8 point lead, and that was before last night's debate, which most analysts saw as a Romney victory.
The volatility of this battle is unprecedented in my memory. Comparing apples-to-apples:
Rasmussen polls only. On January 22nd (this past Sunday), they showed Gingrich with a 9 point lead. On Wednesday they showed Romney ahead by 8. That's a 17-point swing in three days.
CNN/Time polls only. Sunday: Gingrich up by six. Tuesday: Romney up by nine. That's a 15-point swing in two days.
Artist plans to bury 727 jetliner in US desert
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Bond villain o' the day: Man tried to hire assassin, pin murder on cat
Monty Python reunion: John Cleese and co. reunite for new film
"Epstein" from "Welcome Back, Kotter" died today, age 60
The cause of death seems to have been a heart attack. He had a previous one two years ago.
Tim Gunn: "I Haven't Had Sex In 29 Years"
Who would have guessed that Tim and I had so much in common?
Of course in his case it is by choice.
To Kill a Mockingbird at 50: Cecilia Peck and Mary Badham on its Legacy, Lessons and Life With Gregory Peck
Cecilia is Gregory Peck's daughter. Mary is the actress who played Peck's daughter in the movie.
That book and movie have probably touched as many people as any story created in my lifetime, possibly excluding "Dude, Where's My Car?"
Strangely enough, given all the movies I watch, I have not re-watched To Kill a Mockingbird since I first saw it in theaters so long ago, so my memories of it are very hazy (as you may well imagine).
I can tell you this: while it is a bad omen to kill a mockingbird, you can cancel out the bad karma by killing a second mockingbird. Just remember that if you go on a mockingbird killing spree, your final body count has to be an even number.
Gingrich Erases Romney's 23-point National Lead - in one week
One week before, Republican voters nationwide preferred Romney 37-14 over Gingrich. The most recent Gallup tracking poll calls it 29-28.
That reflects Republican voters across the land, but Florida is trending the same way. Romney had a 12-point lead in Florida earlier this month, but one recent poll shows they are at 36-34, and those two points between them are less than the margin of error. In fact, the FiveThirtyEight forecast model projects Mr. Gingrich as the slight favorite in Florida, giving him a 60 percent chance of victory.
Gingrich was actually close to falling to third in the national Jan 11-15 poll. He was actually tied with Ron Paul at one point, but soared in the next seven days.
If you go back to Christmas week, Romney and Gingrich were once again tied, whereupon Romney opened up a massive lead. If you go back another three weeks, it was Gingrich who was 15 points ahead!
Gallup's analysis:
"The frequent nationally televised debates have been a major factor in this race so far. Gingrich's aggressive performances and ability to articulate policy positions at length have almost certainly benefited him. Gallup research conducted in December found that Republicans nationally said Gingrich had done the best job in the debates through that point. Romney's inability to respond forcefully to questions about his tenure at Bain Capital and his decision-making process concerning his tax returns have almost certainly weakened his position."
If Gallup is correct about the impact of the debates, then tonight's debate could well determine the winner in Florida. It's amazing that one of these debates could end up being important after we've seen, like, 52,000 others.
Another thought: one would think that a possible Santorum exit from the race would swing Gingrich into a massive lead. I'm assuming that Gingrich and Santorum are currently splitting the same bloc of conservative "anyone but Mitt" voters. That situation could well put Santorum into a powerful position as king-maker. He might well negotiate something substantial from Newt in return for his withdrawal/endorsement.
Football Fans Excited To Watch Patriots Or Giants Lose Super Bowl | The Onion
New Movies In Theaters This Week - Rotten Tomatoes
Three new films are in wide distribution this week.
Liam Neeson as a bad-ass in The Grey (rated R). A forced landing in a remote part of Alaska compels a few men to trudge to civilization through the icy wilderness while they are hunted by a pack of rogue wolves. 77% positive reviews, including three and a half stars from Ebert. It is expected to take the #1 spot, but with a limp $14-15M in 2700+ theaters. The reviewers generally liked it, but said things like "relentlessly bleak," so don't expect the feel-good hit of the winter.
Man on a Ledge (PG-13). Pretty much summed up by the title. 18% positive reviews. Ebert awarded only two stars and wrote, "The movie cuts back and forth between two preposterous plot lines and uses the man on the ledge as a device to pump up the tension." Predictions: 4th or 5th place, about $10M in wide distribution.
One for the Money is a PG-13 Katherine Heigl movie which has not been pre-screened for critics. Why bother? They've never liked any of her other movies in the past decade except Knocked Up. One of her films, Caffeine, even earned the highly coveted 0% at RT. Kutcher's movies probably have received better reviews. Hell, bin Laden's movies probably got better reviews. Predictions: same as Man on a Ledge; 4th or 5th place, about $10M in some 2700 theaters.
Google and Bing accused of directing users to illegal copies of music
"A French presidential candidate and former defence minister has become a national laughing stock after he claimed he witnessed the Allied landings at Normandy, which took place 17 years before he was born."
Sorry, guys: Chick Beer is not for you
Turns out our long global nightmare is not over after all: ABBA to release first new song in 18 years
Rihanna Braless, See-Through Top
Vanessa Hudgens Almost Drops Her Bikini Top in Hawaii, We Almost Blow Our… Stacks
Can A Monkey Beat A Hedge Fund Manager? New Study Reveals Disturbing Stats
The 30 Most Anticipated Movies of 2012
Pat Sajak: I Hosted "Wheel Of Fortune" Drunk
"TWO porn stars are set to get voters' pulses racing when they face off in a mayoral race."
The 6 Stupidest Things We Use to Judge People We Don't Know | Cracked.com:
8 Amazing Works of Art You Need a Microscope to Appreciate | Cracked.com
The 5 Most Ruined Orgasms in Cinema History | Cracked.com
7 Strangest Places That People Work
Romney income calculator: How much does Mitt make? How long would it take him to earn your salary?
