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Uncle Scoopy's world-weary musings about naked celebrities, sports, humor and other important, manly things.

Sylvia Kristel naked in Mata Hari (1985)

Scoop, February 9, 2026 (4:04 am)February 9, 2026 (12:21 pm) ... 8 comments.

Sylvia Kristel, the original screen Emmanuelle, was nearing the end of her softcore days when she starred in this film. Although still attractive, she was no longer fresh-faced. She was also either out of shape or pregnant. The director made a special effort to shoot her in soft focus, behind gauze, in fog, through vaseline, through dark filters, and every other trick he could think of to maintain the illusion of youthful beauty. For the most part, his artifices were successful, although you will destroy the carefully maintained illusion if you scrutinize the images too meticulously. If you study the close-ups, you can see that she looks older than they want you to think. If you look at the middle of her body, you’ll see saddlebags and a bulging tummy. If you just go with the flow, however, it will seem like 1974 all over again.

In fact, the entire concept of this film seems at first to belong in the early 70s. The idea of using a historical person, legend, or epic as the basic for a softcore sex film was all in vogue back in those days. There was the Long Swift Sword of Siegfried, The Undercover Scandals of Henry VIII, The Ribald Tales of Robin Hood, The Erotic Adventures of Zorro, and probably many more that I’m forgetting. As a historical softcore, Mata Hari would fit right in. It isn’t really fair to compare Mata Hari with those films, however. They are basically low-budget cheesefests played mostly for laughs and sex. Mata Hari is, astoundingly enough, a serious biopic of the famous alleged double agent, complete with slit throats and grisly World War One battle wounds. Somebody went to a lot of trouble to assemble old-time trains, armaments, uniforms, costumes, trench warfare, and vehicles in an effort to incorporate some period detail. I don’t know whether the period artifacts are authentic (some of those 1914 cars looked to me like they were from a much later era, but I’m no expert), but the general look and feel of the film evokes an era circa WW1, at least to this casual observer. So let’s give the director credit for what he accomplished.

One thing the director couldn’t create was the feel of the specific European cities. There just wasn’t enough money. In fact, if you pay attention to this film, you’ll get the feeling that Europe had a single unified culture in 1914, and that all European cities look exactly alike. The story begins in the streets of Paris (Budapest with French signs), moves to Berlin (Budapest with German signs), and thence to Madrid (Budapest with Spanish signs). In fact, some of the same landmarks in Buda were visible in the background of more than one city! Oh, well. I guess the point is that it looked all old-timey and European, with lots of buildings painted mustard yellow, so that worked OK, and the Indonesian dance number looks quite exotic, whether or not it is authentic. All in all, I give the director credit for the ol’ college try. He did what he could to create the right atmosphere, he found some great locales, he worked around Kristel’s physical appearance, and in general he did as much as he could have done with the money he had to work with.

Unfortunately, the director couldn’t do much with the main thing that the film got wrong: the leading lady. Because of her inappropriate physical appearance, she was not an especially good choice for a sex film, but the whole damned film was made to capitalize on her international popularity as a softcore legend. Of course, she was at least passable as the star of the international cut simply because she was Sylvia Kristel and she was undressed. Unfortunately, the film was shown in the United States with the nude love scenes cut out, a disastrous circumstance that forced American audiences to evaluate the film as a legitimate historical drama, and to evaluate Kristel as a legitimate actress. In other words, watching the American version of Mata Hari was like watching Brigadoon without the music. There was simply no reason to release the film in the United States with all those scenes cut out of the picture. It can’t pass as an art film or a historical epic, not because it is so god-awful, but mostly because there is just no way any director can get a credible performance from Sylvia. Her biographies always make much of her high I.Q. and her fluency in several languages, but the stark reality is that she could never bring any of that alleged intellect into her acting abilities, and if she speaks English fluently it is not apparent in this English language performance. She always appears to be lifeless, nearly stunned, pronouncing all her lines as if they had been memorized phonetically without understanding them.

On the other hand, let’s celebrate her for her participation in the one truly memorable thing in this film: a topless swordfight (top collage below). Now, that’s entertainment!

After watching the film, I was going to complain that the plot was sort of confusing and lacked specificity. I could never tell precisely who the hell Mata Hari’s allegiance belonged to, and I couldn’t really understand the significance of what the various sides were asking her to do. I still think that those statements are generally accurate, but I reconsidered the importance of those opinions once I started reading about the real Mata Hari. Although she traveled throughout Europe and was intimate with important men on both sides of the conflict, there is really no evidence to show that she ever turned anything of value over to anyone, and historians have reached no conclusions about where her true loyalties lay. Although the French convicted her of espionage and executed her as a wartime spy, the facts of the case are just as murky and obscure as portrayed in the film. I suppose it is always possible to stray far from the truth and thus create a romantic yarn, but there just wasn’t much more the author could have done without altering the unembellished facts. The legend of Mata Hari sounds like it would be a great subject for a film, but the fact of the matter is that the legend is not really justified by what we know about her. The real story of Mata Hari is one of an entertainer traveling through Europe, sleeping with important men, and therefore asked by the men on one side what the men on the other side were doing. That’s about it, and that’s about what the film showed.


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Aesthete’s videos are here

Sophie Nelisse in a thong in episode 4 of Heated Rivalry

Scoop, February 9, 2026 (3:32 am) ... 2 comments.

The gay hockey boys try out some poontang.

Sophie is even in a sex scene, but there’s really nothing to see. Her breasts remain hidden.


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Video

Glenda Jackson In The Music Lovers (1971), and her nudography in HD

Scoop, February 9, 2026 (2:48 am)February 9, 2026 (2:55 am) ... 1 comment.

Writer-director Ken Russell was a classical music buff. He filmed portions of operas, has directed operas on stage, and made a series of films about the lives of composers, including Elgar, Mahler and Liszt. This particular film is part of that series and offers his take on Tchaikovsky, as played by Richard Chamberlain, and now available on Blu-Ray.

It would be a disservice to both Russell and Tchaikovsky to call this a biopic, because it is not intended to be a historically accurate recitation of verified facts. It is rather Russell’s speculation about how an elderly Tchaikovsky might have looked back on his life if he were experiencing feverish dreams while listening to his own music. Events and characters are distorted and exaggerated in the way we tend to do when we recall distant memories, magnifying the significance of those things which had the greatest emotional impact on us, making the merely unpleasant seem grotesque and repulsive, and the pleasant seem glittering.

As the story is told here, Tchaikovsky’s psyche is ruled by his inability to reconcile his homosexuality with the “decency” required of him by 19th century Russian society. He marries an impoverished, lusty, uneducated woman who adores him passionately, thus dooming both of them to great unhappiness and frustration.

In order to “pitch” the commercial viability of a film about classical music, Russell described the film to his backers as “the story of a homosexual married to a nymphomaniac,” and the auteur did not fail to deliver on the lurid possibilities of that premise. Don’t expect this film to be a measured, thoughtful treatment of the great composer. It is at times surreal, over-the-top, farcical, and debauched. Its pacing is manic, bordering on hysterical. Don’t expect to see the kind of languorous, one-camera tracking shots that were popular in other 1970-era films about serious topics. Ken Russell was not trying to make stately films in the manner of Bergman, Kubrick or Tarkovsky. He was more like Fellini on speed. We are used to seeing films that consist of hundreds of rapid-fire cuts, but Russell was a pioneer of this technique in 1970, to a point where it seemed that he packed far more scenes and images into his films than any other director of his time. Even when he sticks to a scene from start to finish without cutting back-and-forth to some other times or places, Russell may incorporate dozens of different camera angles into his presentation, using none of them for more than a few seconds. When my ex-wife and I saw Russell’s “The Devils” in 1971, after having seen “The Music Lovers” a few months earlier, she opined that Russell could have remade the leisurely-paced “2001: A Space Odyssey” as a one-minute commercial. She wasn’t exaggerating by that much.

Do I think that Ken Russell did a good job on this film? Absolutely. Russell may or may not be your kind of guy, but the man had talent. I don’t really like the film, but I have to give the devil his due.

First of all, the music is tremendous. Andre Previn directed the London Symphony Orchestra in creating a marvelous all-Tchaikovsky score for this film. By the way, Richard Chamberlain’s face and hands were both in the frame when he played the piano in this role, and some of the music required complicated keyboarding. We are actually hearing a professional pianist, Rafael Orozco, but Chamberlain had to learn the fingering. I don’t play the piano, so I’m not the guy to make the call, but I found Chamberlain quite convincing.

The real success of the film is not the music itself because film is, after all, a visual medium. What impresses me is that the visuals provide a perfect accompaniment to Tchaikovsky’s compositions, always seeming to suit the music, irrespective of whether the portrayed actions are based on reality. The images are tender, pathetic, joyful, or frenetic when the music calls for it. In creating the concept, the author-director first tried to condense Tchaikovsky’s life into its essence, as the composer himself might have encapsulated it in a dream state. Russell then set the most memorable images from that dream-life to the great genius’s music, attempting to show how certain events and/or moods in Tchaikovsky’s life might have corresponded to or have inspired his work. If you take the film on its own terms, accepting Russell’s sense of humor as well as his historical distortions, you may find the film to be an intense experience and an inspired, if occasionally trashy, piece of art.

Just don’t take any of it too seriously, and don’t expect it to be consistently uplifting. Art is not always pretty, and art is not life. Sometimes they’re not even that similar.

And that can be a good thing.



This completes the release of all of Glenda Jackson’s nude scenes in HD.

Glenda rose from an impoverished working-class background to become one of the most respected actresses in the English-speaking world, and then to win a seat in Parliament.

She was part of the first generation of distinguished actresses who took roles that demanded substantial nudity. She told a reporter that she was the first actress in London to go on stage completely nude. This happened in The Theater of Cruelty, an experimental project of the Royal Shakespeare Company.

In films, Julie Christie was the real nudity trailblazer among the acclaimed actresses of that generation, having done a nude scene as early as 1965, and Vanessa Redgrave took second place in 1966, but it was really Glenda Jackson and Helen Mirren who followed that path so boldly in the late 60s and early 70s that they shattered all the taboos. Mirren, of course, kept at it for decades, while Jackson’s nude career was compressed into just seven years, 1968-1975, as seen below.

Glenda started to act again in 2015. The following year, she made her return to the Old Vic at age 80, after a 25-year absence, as Shakespeare’s King Lear, a gender-bending turn that earned her nearly universal praise.

1968 – Negatives

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1969 – Women in Love

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1970 – Glenda posed for some see-through pictures for Mary Ellen Mark.

1971 – Sunday Bloody Sunday

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1971 – The Music Lovers

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1975 – The Romantic Englishwoman

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All HD videos

Lindsey Vonn is out of the Olympics after a gruesome injury

Scoop, February 8, 2026 (7:12 pm)February 8, 2026 (7:12 pm) ... 10 comments.

Approximately 13 seconds into the race, with her entire body airborne after coming off a turn into a jump, Vonn clipped a gate. With no way to stabilize herself, her body twisted and she hit the ground in a cloud of snow. Vonn tumbled down the slope, coming to rest in a tangle of skis and limbs. “Oh my goodness! No!” cried the NBC announcers, speaking for everyone watching, at home and on site.

In the end, it seemed, there would be no poetic, storybook ending to Vonn’s comeback story: just a medevac helicopter carrying the skier’s prone body into the sky.

Imogen Poots naked in The Chronology of Water (2025)

Scoop, February 8, 2026 (7:01 am)February 8, 2026 (8:37 am) ... 13 comments.

Arthouse drama directed by Kristen Stewart

Brought up in an environment torn apart by violence and alcohol, Lidia Yuknavitch seemed destined for self-destruction and failure until words offered her unexpected freedom in the form of literature. The Chronology of Water, adapted from Yuknavitch’s autobiographical bestseller, follows Lidia’s journey to find her own voice in an exploration of how trauma can be transformed into art through re-possessing our own bloody histories, particularly those uniquely experienced by the bodies of women and girls.

IMDb: 6.8/10
Tomato Meter: 89%
Popcorn Meter: 79%
Ranking among 2025 nude scenes: 26th


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Videos

I just assumed that is Imogen doing the backstroke because of the film’s context, but when I removed the filter I realized that I’m just not sure. Hell, I would have thought it was a man if not for the boobs.


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Sharon Stone naked in The Muse (1999) widescreen vs full screen

Scoop, February 7, 2026 (11:19 pm) ... 7 comments.

Aesthete did two versions of this. He captured a full-screen broadcast in 2010, then an HD broadcast of the widescreen version in 2019.

Full screen (1.33:1)

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Widescreen (1.85:1)

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Tuna did the widescreen version on DVD.

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I’m sure Tuna would have done the full screen version if he had known of its existence, but he did his captures from a DVD in 1.85:1 ratio, which was what he had available.

To my knowledge, there is no full screen version in HD.

Videos

Trump feels bad that his post offended – the apes

Scoop, February 7, 2026 (3:36 pm) ... 25 comments.


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I hope you all know this is fake, but many people on both sides thought it was real. Some clueless conservatives on Twitter congratulated the President for not apologizing to the Obamas or the country. Some clueless liberals just went into outrage mode, missing the obvious jokes.

Halle Berry – incredible cleavage, incredible face

Scoop, February 7, 2026 (12:41 pm) ... 1 comment.

She turns 60 this year and is still one of the most beautiful women on the planet.


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Every 2026 Super Bowl Commercial, ranked from best to worst

Scoop, February 7, 2026 (12:05 pm)February 7, 2026 (9:46 pm) ... 7 comments.

Yorgos Lanthimos directed two of the forty-plus commercials, including the one they rated #1.

Only ads that will be broadcast nationally during the game are included. This means leaving out the William Shatner “Will Shat” Raisin Bran ad, which would have ranked very high. But you have to draw the line somewhere.

So it’s just about regions of the country? Are there places that don’t eat Raisin Bran?

OK, maybe you do have to draw the line somewhere, but you don’t draw that line someplace that leaves Bill Shatner below it!!! That’s like Travis drawing a line in the Alamo sands on some spot where Davy Crockett was already over it, then exclaiming, “Get lost, you sniveling Tennessee carpetbagger! This is a Texas fight. And take your stinkin’ Raisin Bran with you.”

Here is the great man:



Not only did he admit he shat on the car from too much fiber, but he also encountered a “Shit Zoo.”

Did I say great man? I meant greatest man.

Nostalgia: The women of She Devils of the SS (1973), now in HD

Scoop, February 7, 2026 (12:02 am)February 7, 2026 (12:18 pm) ... 2 comments.

The image quality in this remastered 50-year-old cheapie is not bad. It’s a vintage exploitation film from the master of Eurocrap, Erwin C. Dietrich. I believe the C. actually stood for “Cheese.” And what could be more appropriate for a Swiss native?

AKA:

Eine Armee Gretchen
Frauleins in Uniform
Fraulein Without a Uniform
SS Cutthroats

And a zillion other titles

Trivia from IMDb: the film is allegedly banned in Finland.

With Adolf Hitler’s Wehrmacht facing imminent defeat, the so-called “lightning girls”–nurses, secretaries, housewives, and ordinary women from all over Germany–rushed to answer the nation’s call to arms. Now, against the unstoppable Red Army, the loyal female disciples of the Swastika must do everything in their power to boost the morale of the German front-line officers, including offering their young bodies to the battle-scarred soldiers. But, what happens if the secret army of pleasure is inclined to have too much fun?

Birgit Bergen and Evelyn Raes

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Claudia Fielers and ???

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Elisabeth Felchner and Renate Kasche

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Marisa Feldy

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Monika Rohde and ??

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Renate Kasche

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All of Aesthete’s HD videos are here.

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Latest Comments

  • Scoop on Sylvia Kristel naked in Mata Hari (1985): “The director was clever. No good shots of her belly, no shots of her butt or upper thighs except from…” Feb 9, 14:15
  • Mikey on Lindsey Vonn is out of the Olympics after a gruesome injury: ““We’ve got the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and because we’ve got soccer highlights, the futility of a…” Feb 9, 14:05
  • Mikey on Sylvia Kristel naked in Mata Hari (1985): “Maybe I’m an old man with lax standards, but I’m not really seeing “out of shape” in these pics at…” Feb 9, 13:45
  • Mikey on Sylvia Kristel naked in Mata Hari (1985): “I don’t think they were supposed to be the same character. It was almost like a title to be passed…” Feb 9, 13:43
  • Dennis on Lindsey Vonn is out of the Olympics after a gruesome injury: “Yes, after having major knew surgery two months ago I found this particularly triggering and there was no place to…” Feb 9, 12:48
  • Scoop on Lindsey Vonn is out of the Olympics after a gruesome injury: “Yes, exactly! I was trying to remember why that was familiar, but could not. Good eye!” Feb 9, 12:46
  • Scoop on Lindsey Vonn is out of the Olympics after a gruesome injury: “I think that’s right, but once you see it, it’s hard to forget.” Feb 9, 12:45
  • Uncle Spooky on Every 2026 Super Bowl Commercial, ranked from best to worst: “I watched the whole game and did not see more than half of these on the list… Must have been…” Feb 9, 12:08

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