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Uncle Scoopy's world-weary musings about naked celebrities, sports, humor and other important, manly things.

Alona Hertha topless in Citizen Vigilante (2026)

Scoop, June 20, 2026 (11:38 am)June 20, 2026 (11:44 am) ... no comments.

Have you ever wondered whatever happened to Uve Boll, the eccentric German director who make a splash in the early 2000s, when many considered him the worst director who ever lived? He disappeared from the scene for a few years and had no IMDb credits from 2017-2021, but he’s back, and he directed this film. He also wrote and produced.

Have you ever wondered whatever happened to Armie Hammer, the handsome actor whose career got derailed when people found out about some of his dark personal peccadillos? His weird fetishes could have been overlooked, but he was also accused of a brutal rape. The LAPD had to drop the criminal case because there was no evidence, but the mainstream industry was not as forgiving as the legal system. He became a pariah, was banished from major projects, and has to get work where he can find it. He’s the star of this film, as the vigilante

Have you ever wondered whatever happened to Costas Mandylor, who seemed to be in every movie in the 1990s that came from the hyphen universe? (Made-for-cable and straight-to-video.) He now has a scaled-down version of an Eric Roberts career, flying around the world for whatever work may be available to a 60-year-old man who used to be a grade-B character actor in his 30s. In other words, he gets the roles that are turned down by Eric Roberts, but only if Michael Pare also refuses them. He’s the second lead in this film, as the cop who has sworn to bring the vigilante to justice, and fails mightily in that endeavor.

As for Alona Hertha, she’s a petite woman who resembles Rosie Perez, and was a fairly popular nude model. (A Google search finds plenty of frontals from German Playboy and other sources.) As you know, 40 is 80 in nude model years, so she who has seen the handwriting on the wall as she approaches her 40th birthday, and therefore hopes to expand her options by acting. She is still very trim, and there is still some demand for women who will do movie nude scenes. She plays a hooker in this film, in a sex scene the goes on for five minutes and has nothing to do with the rest of the film. (And the entire movie is only 89 minutes long, including the opening and closing credits. Hey, Uwe isn’t such a bad director. At least he knows what’s important!)

As for the movie – it’s a Charles Bronson movie re-imagined as a high-level right-wing fantasy. A very rich man decides that he is going to bring justice to everyone in an unnamed European country (filmed in Croatia) who has been harmed by Europe’s wishy-washy liberal immigration policies. He sets about building himself a private arsenal and fortress-like bunkers, whereupon he takes to the street to kill various Africans and Middle Easterners who have gotten away with violent crimes. While he’s at it, he also starts killing the judges who set these criminals free, and the people who show sympathy for the criminals on social media.

When an army of SWAT policemen come for him, he kills all of them as well. He’s filthy rich, remember. He kills the first two waves of policemen by machine-gunning them them his impregnable bunker. He then escapes through a secret tunnel, and blows up the remaining policemen when they try to follow him. He also comes to a “happy” ending. As the film ends, he has never been caught, and makes a speech about how immigrants have destroyed Europe, how he hopes to continue his work, and how he hopes to motivate “the people” to join in his murderous mission. The blackout is followed by word slides detailing the number of rapes and murders committed by immigrants in Europe. Suffice it to say, if Stephen Miller knew about this film, he would watch it every night, masturbating furiously!


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SIDEBAR: Uwe is a provocateur, and his films usually have some touches of dark, transgressive humor, but the only indication that anyone involved with the film has a sense of humor is that one of the judges killed by the vigilante is a 70ish man called Judge Reinhold!

Laura Harris nudography

Scoop, June 19, 2026 (11:37 pm) ... 4 comments.

I was reminded today of how popular the article was when I first posted this Canadian actress in The Faculty. I guess it was because she in the pilot film for that Teenage Witch thingy.

I guess it wasn’t widely known at the time that she had already appeared topless at age 18 in an obscure Canadian film called Best Wishes Mason Chadwick (1995). Not merely obscure, but VERY obscure. To this day, it only has 32 votes on IMDb, and I don’t think it has appeared in any format since VHS.


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Her next nude appearance was in an incredibly silly 1997 sci-film called Habitat (0% Tomatometer, 32% Popcorn Meter), which is almost as obscure as Mason Chadwick. At least that one came out on DVD, so we have Tuna caps.

I personally consider Habitat a masterpiece nearly on the level of Road House. As you may know, I love bad movies and this one is truly bad. Not brain-dead bad like Last Days of Disco or 200 Cigarettes, but fun bad, so bad you can’t believe they were serious, like Plan 9 From Outer Space.

I loved every minute of this thing, and I couldn’t take my eyes off it. The acting can’t be believed, the art direction and f/x are atrocious, the plot makes no sense, every character is a cliche, there is no continuity, they made up their own science when they needed it for the plot, the music sucks, and the dialogue is about as bad as any movie ever written. Even the credits are bad, because they are bright green against a bright orange desert landscape.

In other words, this movie is great!

It’s the future, after the ecological disaster, and people can’t go out into the sun. Balthazar Getty is the star, the guy you would hire if you wanted Charlie Sheen but couldn’t afford him. He plays a kid who is having some trouble fitting into his new community.

He has some problems at home with his parents, too. His mom is a hippie space cadet with a Ph.D. in microbiology, and his father is a house. I’m not making this up. His dad is a genius scientist who has determined a way to accelerate evolution a billion years, and now exists as disembodied atoms. He has become one with nature, and has joined with the atoms in the house to create a living habitat for his family, safe from the ecological disaster outside. You think the kids made fun of you because your dad had an accent? Imagine what they’d say if your dad was a suburban 3/2 without one single good walk-in closet.

Ol’ Balty is a mutant, which seems like it should be expected from the offspring of an eternally stoned woman and a split level ranch house. Because of his unique genes, he alone among all the people of earth can go outside in the sunlight. Perhaps he inherited his dad’s aluminum siding.

He’s also a potato. We know this because Laura Harris says to him “remember when our science teacher told us that the Irish potato famine could have been avoided if there was just one external strain of potato that could have been introduced to strengthen the native crop. Well, the human race is the same way, and you’re that potato, aren’t you?”

Back to Balty’s troubles in the community. The local phys ed teacher is a bully and a fundamentalist Christian fanatic who finds it difficult to relate to a kid whose mom is a half-naked stoned hippie and whose dad has shingles and a porch. So he and the local youth bullies kick the crap out of Balty and tie him out in the sun to die, unaware of his mutant powers. When Balty simply returns with a nice tan, the phys ed teacher then assumes he is some kind of satanic avatar.

Oh, yeah, the girlfriend of the head local bully falls in love with Balty and, by the way, the phys ed teacher is her dad. Small world.

Finally Balty defeats the bullies, aided by his once-pacifist friend who bops the head bully with a log. Balty’s dad defeats and kills a bunch of people who are trying to destroy him, including the coach. Dad then figures out a way to give the magical sun-immune powers to the girlfriend and she decides that she and Balty will “wander the earth” together. She doesn’t seem too upset about her own dad’s death. Then Balty’s dad figures out a way to turn Balty’s mom into pure energy, and together they float off into the ionosphere. Balty and his girl look up to the heavens and wave, and the girlfriend says “bye”. This really cracked me up more than anything else in the movie. “Bye, disembodied atoms, I’m really gonna miss you, even though we’ve never actually met, and you don’t actually have any ears to hear me or eyes to see my wave.”

Great, great movie. I don’t know if any of you like to toke it up once in a while, and I certainly would not advise you to engage in any illegal activities. But if you do like the occasional doob, I strongly suggest you rent this before firing up your next one. You can’t go wrong, except you might die from giggling.


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1998 brought The Faculty, a so-so horror film that had many familiar faces in the cast (even Jon Stewart!), and took in a respectable $40 million at the box office.

The Faculty is basically the 11 millionth iteration of The Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and the first one with a completely happy ending. You know the movie. You all could write the dialogue.

“Come with me. Join us. In a world of perfect peace. No unhappiness. No rejection. No foul-smelling cat litter … ”

“No, no. I like the human way. I believe in the inalienable rights of man. I want to smell the rain and feel refreshed by Dr Pepper. I want to feel the excitement of wondering who killed J.R. I want to visit Six Flags again.”

These aliens are always so dumb. I mean they land in some upper-middle class community in Northern California, where everyone is materially comfortable, and striving for self-actualization. The only people they manage to get on their team are the loser guys who look like Evil Ed, guys who hope to get back for years of brutalization by the football team. One of those guys doesn’t exactly make a good poster boy for the program. It’s not like the cheerleaders are going to sign up for the Alien Mind Control once they hear Evil Ed is in.

Hey, you Aliens, take a tip from your ol’ Uncle Scoopy. Go to places where life is hell. Go to Ngorno-Karabac, go to South Chicago, go to South Sudan. You won’t need to force people or trick people to join you there. They will go willingly into your mind control program because anything is better than what they have now.

Laura was naked in this one, at least in theory, but the scene was so dark that you will get eye-strain trying to see a nipple.


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That was basically the end of her nudity at age 21, with one minor exception. Seven years later she offered a fleeting glimpse of her butt as she put on her clothing in a film called A Friend of the Family, another Canadian effort that virtually nobody has seen. She was “topless” as well, but her nipples were covered with flowers, and those daisies had a magic property that kept them over her nipples no matter the position or movement of her body.


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She’s 49 now, and still working. IMDb says she is in a 2026 film from Canada, Remarkably Bright Creatures.

All the videos are here.

Cindy Crawford topless in Fair Game (1995)

Scoop, June 19, 2026 (8:15 pm) ... 4 comments.

Kate (Cindy Crawford) is going through a nasty divorce. When her ex-husband won’t pay alimony, she starts to look for his hidden assets. She investigates a ship registered under his name in Florida, only to discover that the freighter is the secret headquarters of Dr. Evil, a former KGB spy who now runs a global money laundering scheme.

Man, I hate it when that happens.

Once Kate stumbles on this secret, she needs police protection. She and her police angel grow close as they try to evade the baddies.

Not a good film.

13% Tomato Meter
14% Popcorn meter

As for Cindy Crawford, I think she did better than the reviewers gave her credit for. Although it is a common belief that supermodels are doomed to fail as actresses, the facts don’t always support that position. Models run through the same full gamut of performance as anyone else.

* Jessica Lange, after a rocky start, worked hard to become one of the finest actresses in modern film.
* Paulina Porizkova and Milla Jovovich haven’t achieved critical esteem at the Lange level, but have projected colorful personalities and have had their good moments.
* Others like Tyra Banks have managed to avoid complete embarrassment, but without any great successes.
* Wandering to the other end of the scale, Kathy Ireland has probably shown less acting ability than anyone in the history of acting.

Cindy got some bad notices for her performance here, earning adjectives like “awkward,” but I’d say she was about in the middle of the supermodel scale. She wasn’t at the level of mature Lange, but she was no worse than Lange was in King Kong. She showed less originality and flair for characterization than Porizkova and Jovovich, but she was light years beyond the Ireland level. I think James Berardinelli was quite accurate in his assessment that Cindy would have been a perfect mate for ex-hubby Richard Gere, if the only applicable criteria were looks and basic acting ability. She is a female Gere – very attractive, can deliver lines without stumbling over them, but almost completely devoid of personality on camera.


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Tereza Ramba topless in episode 5 of Monvoya

Scoop, June 19, 2026 (7:17 pm)June 19, 2026 (7:18 pm) ... 2 comments.

Simona Monyová was one of the most successful and bestselling Czech authors in recent years. From very humble beginnings, she rose to literary fame with 29 romantic novels. Her witty and engaging style disguised a life marred by increasing domestic violence behind closed doors, culminating in her murder. This six-part Czech series covers the years 1997 to 2011, detailing her career milestones and the increasingly toxic and violent relationship that led to her death.


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Ellyn Jameson and Megan Feely got nekkid in Aspirational Slut (2022)

Scoop, June 19, 2026 (5:24 pm)June 19, 2026 (8:38 pm) ... no comments.

Aspirational Slut? Well, I guess it’s good to have goals. Her parents must be proud.

I brought this old and obscure post back up to the front page and added some videos because Ellyn is now on the front burner, thanks to her recurring role on Marshals.

Aspirational Slut is a romantic comedy in very compressed format (14 minutes of running time). You know how rom-coms often have a montage in the middle to show the passage of time? Perhaps the lovers romp together in slow motion as they fall in love, or perhaps one of them goes through many dating failures in rapid order until the right one comes along. Well, Aspirational Slut is the usual obligatory montage without the rest of the film.

It’s heaven for you montage lovers!

We meet Rosemary lying on the floor of her house, sobbing. Heartbroken. The doorbell rings. It’s a Pizza Delivery Guy. Rosemary can’t stop crying. She wants love, but it never works out. Fortunately for Rosemary, this Pizza Delivery Guy has the answer: forget about love and focus on wild random sex for once in her life. We cut to a fun slut-training montage where Pizza Delivery Guy teaches Rosemary his skanky ways and Rosemary learns to sexually liberate herself. Rosemary thinks she’s mastered slut life, but her new skills are put to the test when she meets Ned.


Ellyn Jameson

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Ellyn Jameson and Megan Feely

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Videos

Carmen Electra at 54 – usual shenanigans

Scoop, June 19, 2026 (4:57 pm) ... 3 comments.


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This one comes with a video

Nudity from Mariann Hermanyi in episode 4 of Birodalom

Scoop, June 19, 2026 (4:46 pm)June 19, 2026 (11:44 pm) ... 1 comment.


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Here are the previous posts about this show

From the comments:

She’s lost some weight. She looked better before:

Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini

Scoop, June 19, 2026 (9:27 am)June 19, 2026 (9:28 am) ... 4 comments.

Gwyneth Paltrow, 53, vacationing on a yacht off the coast of Sardinia.


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Story here

Nadia Tereszkiewicz topless in Two Pianos (2025)

Scoop, June 18, 2026 (6:38 pm)June 18, 2026 (6:57 pm) ... 2 comments.

Upgraded from a screener

This is a French romance from veteran writer/director Arnaud Desplechin. Original title: Deux pianos.

Two Pianos centers on a twenty-something piano virtuoso returning to France after a long absence in Asia. Upon his return, an unexpected reunion with a former flame will bring him towards realizations about what, and who, he’s left behind.


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Nadia’s nudography

Chase Infiniti cleavage at Tribeca

Scoop, June 18, 2026 (4:19 pm)June 18, 2026 (5:01 pm) ... 3 comments.

Chase Infiniti showing off her legs and cleavage in a sexy red dress as she attends Vulture: The Testaments/The Handmaid’s Tale At 2026 Tribeca Festival in New York City on June 13, 2026!

Chase Infiniti stars currently stars on The Testaments which is a prequel series to The Handmaid’s Tale and you can watch it on Hulu / Disney+.

A joke Nikki Glaser didn’t use at the Golden Globes:

“Chase Infiniti Payne is actually her real name. Chase Infinity Pain is also how Sean Penn gets an erection.”

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  • Bill DeeCee on Laura Harris nudography: “And a little earlier there was Lara (no u) Harris, former model. Laura is blonde and upholstered; Lara is lean…” Jun 20, 08:55
  • Matt on Laura Harris nudography: “I feel madly in lust with her on Showtime’s Dead Like Me. Not a great actress, but she sure is…” Jun 20, 08:39
  • Carlos T. Jackal on Laura Harris nudography: “Now I REALLY want to see HABITAT. Fun fact from its IMDB trivia – It was shot on Sony’s early…” Jun 20, 08:04
  • bruce on Tereza Ramba topless in episode 5 of Monvoya: “You’ll put your eye out, kid!” Jun 20, 05:47
  • Nick Moore on Carmen Electra at 54 – usual shenanigans: “she looks better at the end, with her plastic covered” Jun 20, 04:43
  • Mr. Dark on Laura Harris nudography: “She was a teen star in Canada. Something like Degrassi. Then she immediately got naked often. I always thought she…” Jun 20, 03:23
  • jimbob on A quick look at Naked News: “i appreciate that this topic has instigated a lot of comments” Jun 20, 01:09
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