Here are the results of the recent poll(s), complete with thumbnails and links to a film clip from each 1997 performance in the top twenty. Also included on the page are links to the numerical results of each of the two polls.

If you are a member, you do not need to download any of those film clips. I got each and every one of them from the members’ section, where they rest side-by-side with some 54,000 other clips and about two million pictures. After 23 years, things to begin to accumulate. I know that at least a few of you have been reading my blogs since The Fun House was a totally free site in 1995-1996. There was no Other Crap, nor Uncle Scoopy’s Ballpark, nor Uncle Scoopy’s Movie House in those days, so all that material was just mixed in the nudes and jokes. In the very earliest days, I used to write the entire site in a character voice – as the ignorant Texan, No Bob “Scoop” Parking.  (His mom named him No Parking so he would always have an executive parking place marked with his name.) That made for a lot of good politically incorrect jokes, but I abandoned that character when I realized that people thought Scoop’s foolish and lightly racist opinions were mine, and I got tired of explaining the “unreliable narrator” concept to a gazillion offended e-mailers per day.

Back in its heyday, the F.H. used to get some 200,000 hits per day, which made it one of the busiest sites on the internet, because not many people were “wired” then. (Today that kind of traffic would be nowhere near the top.)

Anybody remember when I hit #1 among all the adult sites on the internet? Check this out:

That was not my highest volume day. One day I got 345,000 hits, but that was a year later and the internet was starting to catch up to me, so I only finished third in the adult rankings.

One more bit of nostalgia: the site was very popular with the guys at NASA, especially with one guy that they called Freddie Fartknocker or Turdknocker or something like that, who was totally obsessed with it. I’m not sure that the moniker was Freddie Fartknocker, but go with it. A couple of his colleagues called me at home (!) and asked if I could help them play a practical joke on their co-worker. The very next day, the site became “Freddie Fartknocker’s Fun House (formerly Uncle Scoopy’s),” complete with a very unflattering picture of Mr. Fartknocker at his desk, in lieu of my trademark Greek masks of comedy and comedy. As soon as the joke worked, they called me and told me how it went down, and I reverted everything back to the normal look. Oddly enough, nobody else ever wrote in to ask what the hell was going on.

It’s been quite a journey.

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Enough nostalgia.

Moving forward …

If you are not a member, you can use those file locker sites linked from Mirror Creator. I find that Zippyshare contains the least bullshit, but even with that one you sometimes have to click on the orange download box a few times before you get the result you want. (It’s not consistent. Sometimes it works on the first try; other times it gives you a bunch of irrelevant links before yielding its treasure on the third try.)

Hey, the best solution is just to sign up and get access to that vast amount of film clips, pictures and collages – not to mention back issues dating back to 1998!

Not to mention further that you will help me pay the bills!

Man, that Soros is everywhere.

As I’m sure you know, Soros is responsible for most of the evil in the world. He’s the guy responsible for ethnic cleansing, the Khashoggi murder, immigrant caravans, the Kardashians, the designated hitter, reality cooking shows, the DC movies, Siberian gulags, the genocide in Myanmar, my missing sock, 9-11, 7-11, the Oprah book club and the Chinese re-education camps. He even supplied the dogs that Kim Jong Un fed his uncle to.

2018 was a big year for him. This was the first year he passed Satan for the top spot on the Forbes Evil 100. It took him until he was 88 years young to finally pull it off, and oh, did he celebrate. (Two words: double Maalox!)

“After a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that the average American’s penis is one inch shorter than the minimum 6.69 inch length requirement of condom manufacturers, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved smaller condoms. A 2014 study conducted on 1,661 American men from Indiana University found that the average penis length was only 5.57 inches.”

UPDATE:

From the comment section:

This story is probably apocryphal, but I heard it years ago. During WWII, the U.S. was sending military supplies to the Soviet Union. Stalin requested condoms, but asked that they be 18″ long so as to fit the average Russian soldier. FDR agreed and had the condoms manufactured, but had each one (or each box, I’m not sure) stamped “Texas Medium.” I’ve heard that the reason for the request might have actually been to cover rifle barrels to keep them clear and the nonstandard size simply to fit longer guns. But regardless of its historical accuracy, the story is too good not to share.

Another apocryphal story I heard as a child (that was completely unrelated to genital size) was about the Bronx River. The story I heard that was during the Revolutionary War, a British Admiral looking at a map, decided he could win a battle by sailing his ships up the Bronx River to get in behind General Washington’s troops. Unfortunately for the Admiral all the ships ran aground and General Washington was able to escape. That was because the Bronx River is (and presumably was) a river in name only. In reality it barely constitutes a stream. I’ve never been able to find any documentation of such an event. I asked a professor of mine that taught a class on Bronx history and he hadn’t heard anything about it. But if I ever write a screenplay about the Revolutionary War, I’m going to include how the battle of the Bronx River was won by General Washington’s men using 18 inch “Colonial Medium” condoms on their musket barrels.

“When we were kids, and he asked if he could masturbate in front of me, sometimes I’d go, ‘F— yeah I want to see that!’ … It’s not analogous to the other women that are talking about what he did to them. He could offer me nothing. We were only just friends. So sometimes, yeah, I wanted to see it, it was amazing. Sometimes I would say, ‘F—ing no, gross,’ and we got pizza.”

SWEET! I wan’t a piece of that. Just call me Tio Skupi, and hand me the keys to my new Lexus!

I wonder if those are the same Democrats that want to bring back lynchings for black men! So they love light-to-medium brown people and want to give them BMWs, but hate dark brown people and want to lynch them. They love Immigrant Caravans, but hate gas-guzzling Dodge Caravans. Kind of a confusing ideology. But then again, Democrats have always had a confusing ideology.

Among the GOP’s latest wild-eyed claims is one that’s truly the scam of a master con man. Trump plans to announce a massive tax cut for the middle class just before the mid-terms. Can you see the brilliance in that? Trump can’t pass those tax cuts without a Republican majority in the House, so if you don’t go out and vote Republican – it’s the poorhouse for you, bubba! It’s essentially a bribe to vote GOP. While this sort of pandering is utterly evil, in a way you have to admire the sheer mad genius in it! Trump might be the greatest snake oil salesman in history.

At this point it’s obvious that Stone has lied about pretty much everything, but it’s still not clear what the truth is.

For example, Stone said Randy Credico was his connection to WikiLeaks. Credico has no idea what Stone is talking about, but mentioned that Stone had claimed to him that he had a secret backdoor link to WikiLeaks. “He may have had somebody, I don’t know,” said Credico. “Who can tell with this guy?”

Stone also said “I would never have said I should get credit for coordinating with WikiLeaks since I did no such thing.”

but sources have revealed…

“Stone claimed in separate communications he should receive credit for coordinating with the group.”

It’s really not possible to say with Stone whether his lies are significant. He’s the kind of guy who’s always bragging and trying to impress his listeners, so you really can’t expect him to be consistent in the claims he makes to different audiences. He is, in blunt terms, a bullshitter. I suppose his defense can be, “I was bullshitting when I said that.” (It won’t be in those words, but I convinced that he’ll use something to that effect.) So, to the major question of “Did he share WikiLeaks info with Trump or the Trump campaign?” one can’t use his own words as evidence for or against it. Interpreting his history of claims is like trying to solve one of those logic puzzles where you come to the fork in the road and there are two guys standing there, one of whom always lies and one always tells the truth, but you don’t know which is which, and you only get one question.

Only hard evidence – e-mails, recorded conversations, etc – can tell investigators the real story.

This is a scene from Sirens, one of the greatest movies of all time for those who like to see famous women naked. It features full-frontal nudity from Elle, Portia de Rossi, Tara Fitzgerald and others. Elle gained about 20 pounds for the role to make herself seem more like her character, a sensuous and beautiful rural tomboy.

The movie is well worth a look if you need to place one on your “to see” list. As I wrote in my review, the film would be watchable without the nudity, and the nudity is spectacular. Even Hugh Grant is good in this movie. His role called for an intelligent, but immature, man filled with false modesty. When you get right down to it, the screenwriter must have been picturing Grant when he wrote it. It’s like writing a part for a totally unfunny douchebag who imagines himself humorous, and then casting Pauly Shore.

Writer/director John Duigan has nothing else in his resume that compares to this in terms of nudity, but (to quote myself):

“Writer/director John Duigan has had some disappointing outings, but his work in the 90’s had a remarkable blend of intellect, flair, and sensuousness. I want to think that the absolutely terrible ‘Paranoid’ was just a huge aberration in his career. If St Peter asks my opinion, as he so often does, Duigan gets into heaven just on the basis of Sirens alone.

Although, frankly, we’re gonna miss this horny bastard down in hell.”

As far as I know Duigan, now 69, is still alive, although he has no IMDb credits in the past six years. Not sure what he’s up to.