Joanna Page’s amusing sex scene from Love Actually
The structure of Love Actually is sheer genius.
Here’s why:
If you’re like me, it’s not easy for you to get through a movie without a pee break. I need to leave, but hate to because I don’t want to miss anything.
About halfway through Love Actually, the director actually provides a pee break. Rowan Atkinson does some interminably long, slapstick routine as a salesman gift-wrapping something or another with excessive ostentation. I’m not sure exactly what he did, because I was pissing, but it was such juvenile humor that it would have embarrassed Jerry Lewis.
So if this movie comes up on cable or something and you can’t pause it, just wait until you see Mr. Fucking Bean, and leave to take a nice, relaxing whizz. You have a full three minutes where absolutely nothing happens. Bean will be finishing up his fumbling and silly faces just as you return. And this works out well because the rest of the movie is pretty damned good!
I think I speak for all middle-aged and elderly men when I say that Mr. Bean should be placed in the middle of every movie in a totally unnecessary three-minute scene. That way I would know exactly when to hit the head. This would be especially useful in the middle of one of those twisty thrillers, because I hate missing a crucial plot development. It doesn’t even matter if it’s a heavy drama. Hell, it can be a Eugene O’Neill script, or the filmed version of a Russian play, or even fucking King Lear. Bean won’t break the mood because he’s never funny anyway, just annoying. Anyway, if it’s some highbrow period piece, just say he’s the court jester or something.
But you should do this only for the theatrical release. You can cut his smarmy, mugging face out of the Blu-Ray, because I can pause that to take a leak.
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