Other Crap

Defoe’s 4K film clip is here.

The pitch:

“Louison devours life at both ends. Bipolar, she often attacks Orso who is madly in love with her. He knows that all this will end badly, but he wants to believe it. The day Louison disappears, everything collapses. Distraught, Orso calls Mara, Louison”s twin sister. Their relationship is ambiguous. Mara lives in the house as much as her sister, but they never cross paths. What game is Mara playing? Orso is lost and will have to go to the end of this two-faced passion to free himself and finally find the light.”

Lots of nudity, not many light bulbs.

This is a new Dutch mystery series. A 14-year-old is kidnapped. Years later she appears with a mysterious tattoo on her back.

Speaking of The Netherlands, our former prez needs to go to war with them if he’s re-elected. Look at all those windmills just sitting there, openly taunting him.

He needs to go Don(ald) Quijote Trump on those mofos.

From Spain. AKA “Que Se Mueran Los Feos”

The English-language title is not a literal translation, but it’s a great title!

(I think it would be more like “Let the Ugly Ones Die,” or something like that.)

Johnny Moronic’s film clips are here. (Scroll down)

4K film clip here

This is a new mini-series from Germany’s RTL+

This film pictures the last moments of the life of Spanish actress Sandra Mozarowsky, who died in 1977 at the age of 18. Mozarowsky fell from her fourth-floor balcony and spent twenty-two days in a vegetative coma until she succumbed to her injuries. Her death was officially ruled to be suicide, but others argue that she fell, and still others claim she was pushed.

Reports say she was watering flowers when she fell (or jumped or was pushed) – at around 4 a.m. That would not normally make a lot of sense, but that is not so odd for Madrid, where life seems to begin at midnight.

From Wikipedia:

“Theories and speculations have surrounded her death, partly due to her acquaintances’ adamant unwillingness to accept the suicide verdict and the overall lack of consensus on the circumstances of her fall. Some of these theories are centered on a rumored affair with King Juan Carlos I, followed by a pregnancy, her refusal to terminate it, and the subsequent intervention of third parties linked to secret service operatives and/or Royal Household security staff.”

Needless to say, all the speculations about her have multiplied and intensified in the age of the internet, where any nonsense can find support despite, or perhaps because of, its craziness. All we really seem to know for sure is that she was watering her flowers in one moment and plummeting to the street in the next.

Perhaps the worst pitch for a movie ever: “How about a futuristic remake of Casablanca with Pam Anderson in the Bogart Role?”

Here’s what I wrote about it at the time:

This comic book film is rated in the all-time Bottom 100 at IMDb, and is not likely to spur much interest in the discussion panels at Sundance and NYU, but you may enjoy Barb Wire if the premise (stated above) appeals to your inner child, or at least to your inner douchebag.

The DVD contains “extra sexy footage not seen in theaters”, which means this: “Oops. We made a movie with Pam Anderson and forgot to show much of her jumbo, store-bought hooters. Nobody will buy this DVD for the story and the acting, so let’s add some irrelevant footage of Pam dancing topless while her hyper-inflated funbags are being sprayed with an oily liquid.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Ingmar Bergman was going to do the same thing in The Seventh Seal, but his casting director accidentally hired Bibi Andersson instead of Pam, and the checks were already cut, so they excised the medieval trapeze strip from the script at the last minute. Bergman has often remarked that he would have hired Pam except for the fact that the movie was made ten years before she was born.

The British singer is font of transparent tops.

(143 pics)

“Model and yoga instructor who became known after landing on the cover of Playboy Ukraine.”

The Sloshed Step-parent was rough on Denise, as is his wont. He had this to say:

I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of time in some pretty ghetto strip clubs in my time. If they were in Vegas, and they weren’t, they’d be a few hours off the strip in some random homeless shelter or squatter’s basement.

I am talking bottom of the barrel, end of the fucking world, garbage places that the nastiest of girls would suck your dick for 20 bucks or less.

The dudes in there were either old or homeless trying to stay warm on cold winter nights, because it was where the cheap beer was. There wasn’t even organized crime or gangsters in the place because it was so fucking forgotten and the women who worked there looked to be about as neglected as the place, which had the stinging mold smell, mismatched chairs that made no sense, carpeting that I am sure housed all kinds of disease…it was just all around sad…

The lap dance booths were on old mattresses that they likely found in back alleys, which I always felt pretty fucking weird about, but you know, if you’re in a place like that, you gotta commit to the really sad dream.

Anyway, Denise Richards’ ass reminds me of those sad, gross, dumpy, old, forgotten women…

Scoop’s note:

Many decades ago, I was in such a place in Hot Springs, Arkansas. The main room smelled of stale beer. The strippers were in their 40s, their bodies were not toned, some had missing teeth, and one had even had a mastectomy. We gave them unduly large tips because we felt … I dunno exactly. Guilt? Pity? Sadness? Embarrassment? Compassion? Sympathy? At least one of those.

We would have left after a few minutes, but one of my companions took a shine to one of the women, even though she looked like she had been “rode hard and put away wet,” as we said in Texas. I sympathized with the guy because I knew that he was always excited to escape his sexless wife, but I couldn’t relate. I have never been that horny. Short of cash, he borrowed money from another guy to take the stripper into the “champagne room,” although I suppose the nearest thing they had to champagne was Lone Star beer in a long-neck bottle.

Drunken Stepfather explains:

“I assume that this Kaley Cuoco on the toilet pulling the panties up is some old content that’s being repurposed because we are an environmentally bunch of fucking perverts who like to reuse and recycle old nudes, or leaked nudes, or accidental nudes….

Being nostalgic with the pussy we like or that we jerk off to is fine because 99 percent of the time the old nudes are better than the new nudes because the old nudes were from a time when the pussy was less old and weathered.”

AKA “Clams and Mussels”

Johnny Moronic’s clips from this movie can be found here.