So proclaimed our leader, using the same New Math he used to calculate his inauguration crowd.
Ya gotta love that guy! By the way, the population of Sri Lanka is between 20 and 25 million.
I have a theory about this. A lot of people think Trump is just careless or intellectually challenged. I disagree. I think he’s just manipulating us. I think he deliberately says “crazy shit” (to quote his former White House counsel) so the media, social media, pundits, late-night comics, and douchebags like me will concentrate on chasing micro-developments in these storylines, while ignoring all of his malignant schemes and his major failures in the realm of substantive policy issues. I think his theory is that everyone who discusses “covfefe” or “138 million” is someone who is not discussing his obstruction of justice, his lack of control over his subordinates, his lack of a coherent foreign policy, or his failure to work with lawmakers on either health care or immigration.
I may be giving him too much credit by thinking he’s cagey enough to use chaos as a strategy. Perhaps he’s just what he appears to be, a pathological liar and narcissist who has no control over his impulses, but I think it is dangerous to underestimate him. He was in the construction business in New York and New Jersey, sometimes underpaid his contractors, and is still alive, so you know he must have outstanding survival instincts.
This does seem to pave the way for Julia Louis-Dreyfus 2020.
But otherwise it’s just a country starting with U electing a TV clown, as now mandated by international law.
As least theirs is not the scary kind with a painted face.
I dunno, Ukraine. It’s your country, so do as you please, but that hasn’t really worked out well for us.
Here is the redacted Mueller report, all 448 pages of it.
“If we had confidence after a thorough investigation of the facts that the President clearly did not commit obstruction of justice, we would so state. Based on the facts and the applicable legal standards, we are unable to reach that judgment.”
My quick summary, with comments, follows after the jump. It will probably upset you guys on both sides of the political spectrum …
Continue reading ““Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I’m fucked.””
So let me get this straight. Super-genius Elon Musk was going to send people to Mars, and now he’s going to create trailer parks?
Maybe he’s set his sights a little lower lately!
In case you missed it a few weeks back, the Electric Trailer Park was an elaborate April Fool’s joke. But, damn, a lot of RV enthusiasts thought it was an awesome idea!
To be honest, Elon might be better off developing the trailer park of the future. Some think Tesla stock is headed for free-fall (down 20% since Jan 17), as Tesla is restructuring its board, its output is failing to meet the delivery schedule, and Musk himself is trying to satisfy the SEC about his dubious use of Twitter.
“China’s ‘Social Credit’ System Is Now Up And Running”
“The government is slowly rolling out a ‘social credit’ system, wherein every citizen gets a score that, if too low, can wall them off from the routine amenities of modern life.”
It can be yours immediately for the low, low “buy it now” price of $2.95 million, plus $64.05 for shipping.
I’m not kidding about the $64.05. That is what it says.
You’d think they would throw in free shipping for a crummy 65 bucks if you belly up to the bar with nearly three million in your wallet.
The entry also notes that “Seller does not accept returns.”
By the way, scientists are not happy about this for many reasons, one of which being that they would like to study it to determine whether it is in fact a baby T-rex, or perhaps an adult member of a smaller related species.
“Florida Prosecutors Say They’ll Release Videos of Robert Kraft at Day Spa”
“Palm Beach County State Attorney Dave Aronberg’s office said in court papers it is obligated under Florida law to provide the video to the public and the media now, and cannot wait for a judge to decide whether they should be kept under seal.”
“They got asked questions and told the truth, and now they’re worried the wrath will follow”
I’m sure their positions are secure. Surely nobody that we know would blame them for telling the truth.
Hey, White House officials – just remember to go full Omarosa. Tape every word of your exit interview. In several states you need a party’s consent to tape your conversation with them, but in the District of Columbia, you do not. It is a “one-party consent” area.
“There is a silver lining here, in that the number of people willing to promote brands for free has significantly driven down the price of sponsored content, consequently reducing influencers’ ability to make a living off it. Hopefully this whole dumbass ouroboros will finish eating itself and we can all quietly forget about that weird half-decade when using things was a job.”
The original premise: people might promote Coke or Porsche or some other respectable product for free, to get cred. They hope that other advertisers will see that and think “Well, if Coke advertises on that site, it must be worthwhile.”
I admit that I didn’t know this was happening. Look for my Rolex ads soon.
(I’m just fuckin’ witcha. Rolex is a candy bar, right?)
Government lawyers and “Supreme Court justices avoid saying F-word at heart of trademark case”
The government and the Supremes are jumping through hoops to avoid saying FUCT. My favorite dodge: “The equivalent of the profane past participle form of a well-known word of profanity and perhaps the paradigmatic word of profanity in our language.”
(The case is about the right to register FUCT as a trademark.)
The fire led to the collapse of part of the famed, symbolic spire. No cause has yet been identified.
As Macron so eloquently put it, “This is the place where we have lived all of our great moments, the epicenter of our lives. It is the cathedral of all the French.”
Or as Trump added. “I like landmarks that WEREN’T destroyed.”
The media did a bang-up job on this. CNN produced the stunning gallery linked above, and their photographer caught the spire at the moment it collapsed.
And the Independent caught the moment on video
“Donald Trump told Customs and Border Protection Commissioner Kevin McAleenan he would grant McAleenan a pardon if he were sent to jail for having border agents block asylum seekers from entering the US in defiance of US law.”
Hey, Kev and company, you better make sure to get that in writing. Trump has been known to default, reverse and renege on occasion (or simply deny he ever said it in the first place). If you want to get him pinned down, you have to go full Omarosa and tape every word.
Denial is always his go-to lie, but if Trump ultimately can’t deny this because there are too many witnesses, then he needs a backup. He can always use his own reputation as a legal defense of this position, “Sure I said it, but everyone knows I never mean what I say.”
Follow-up: the initial denial
Kim Kardashian, Esq.
There might be an opening at Avenatti’s firm.
Phobos crosses the sun.
The apparent diameter of Phobos is about a third that of Earth’s moon, so no full solar eclipse is possible from that configuration, despite the fact that the sun itself appears smaller from Mars. It’s still mighty spooky, because Phobos is not very close to spherical.
It’s one of the great marvels of our existence on this planet that our moon and our sun are so similar in size when viewed from Earth, thus creating solar eclipses of dramatic beauty (and, to the ancients, impenetrable mystery).
“A sobbing ‘Smallville’ actress accused of recruiting women into a sadistic upstate sex cult pleaded guilty Monday to racketeering and conspiracy charges.”
Here is her only nude scene, in Marilyn (2011)
She wants to spend more time separating her family.
“Her departure is a part of a massive DHS overhaul engineered and directed by top Trump adviser Stephen Miller, according to a senior U.S. official.”
Yeah, he did it, despite his weaselly disavowals. He hopes to get off on a legal technicality involving evidence obtained improperly. His lawyers contend that the police illegally installed cameras in the “spa.”
“Celeb nude trading – Is it even a real thing?”
I have no idea how this world operates, but some of the Phun guys seem to be hip to the scene, if you’re curious.