It was tested successfully on the Russian section of the ISS.

“It’s one small nibble for man, one giant bite for mankind”

One of the developers pointed out that creating meat was the easy part. The hard part was creating a Russian word for “meat.” It has never really come up before. Apparently the new word translates back into English as “animal cabbage.”

This Twitter post hilariously purports to show the long lines waiting to get into the Trump rally in downtown Minneapolis yesterday. Can you spot the problems with that claim?

Damn, these people are dumb. They are worse liars than Rudy!

(For the record, the picture was taken in May of 2017 in Montana.)

Dumbest survey ever?

I’m assuming that just about 100% have eaten some corn, or potatoes, or onions, or a carrot or a yam. But it doesn’t matter what my guess is because the same survey states that 91% have eaten corn, meaning that the number who have never eaten a vegetable could be no higher than 9%!

Assuming that the survey was conducted by a pro-veggie group, it seems pretty safe to assume that a vegan diet does not improve one’s math skills.

Here, he notes that gas prices are high, and suggests that California shouldn’t insist on fuel-efficient cars!

Always thinking outside the box! Needless to say, if cars were less fuel-efficient, Californians would use more gas, therefore spending even more of their budgets on fuel.

And with this kicker – as they use more gas, an increase in demand is more likely to make prices increase, not decline, so Californians would not only use more gas, but would probably also pay more per gallon!

Gee, I can’t understand why he went bankrupt so many times.

Good speech. He convinced me!

Pretty sure he didn’t convince himself.

But I guess we have a chance to see if he is a man of integrity who says what he truly believes, or is simply a hypocrite who makes up whatever argument suits his party at the moment.

(If you’re willing to bet the “integrity” line, I will take that bet.)

Man, we should put living people on U.S. stamps. I’d like to see a handsome/ugly Americans series. One stamp would include The Hoff and Martin Van Buren. The one above was part of a series on great “humoristes Canadiens,” which also included Jim Carrey, Catherine O’Hara, Mike Myers, and some Canadian dude who actually chose to stay in Canada, thus avoiding human audiences, choosing instead to entertain polar bears with his wacky hijinks.

My dad’s favorite dumb stamp was this one, featuring the two greatest figures in modern music:

Russian iPhone User Sues Apple for Turning Him Gay

From the comment section:

“The first thing I always do with a new phone is go into the settings and uncheck the Turn Me Gay option.”

Scoop’s note:

Damn! I didn’t know it was built-in to the phone’s options. I purchased the app from the Apple Store, after I got a sudden urge to blow Jack Lord.

Now, you tell me I could have done it for free, and one of my so-called friends tells me that Jack Lord has passed away.

He said that right out of the blue.

Without softening the blow.

Somebody went to a lot of trouble to create a fake Trump pee tape. Here it is.

Twitter version

Slate’s analysis of the tape. Slate’s key points: (1) it can’t be real, but (2) somebody worked very hard and spent a lot of money trying to make it look real, then just let it languish in obscurity. (It has been around since January, with almost no attention drawn to it.)

Democrats on this very committee negotiated with people who they thought were Ukrainians in order to obtain nude pictures of Trump.”

You have to love the fact that even Devin Nunes, The Donald’s faithful lap dog, now refers to him as “Trump,” not “President Trump.” Of course, he may have meant Ivanka or Melania, in which case, I approve of that committee.

By the way, all kidding aside, Nunes is totally right. Every important Democrat wants nude pictures of President Trump. Hey, who wouldn’t? There is a rumor that this is a photograph of the wall in Hillary Clinton’s bedroom, which she looks at when she rubs one out.

(Oh, sure, you probably think of Hillary as some sort of sexless granny who spends her days lost in the woods. The truth is that she is a twisted sexual dynamo with an unquenchable thirst for Republican jizz.)


(UPDATE: Nunes seems to be referring to this story.)

“Too many adjectives” – as in “Too many notes, Mr. Mozart.”

Good to see that the Catholic Church is not afraid to take on the powerful adjective lobby.

Soon, they may have enough confidence to take on the moguls who control Big Adverb.

By the way, while we are getting rid of those pesky adjectives, let me suggest starting with “infallible.”

Stay tuned as we cover this story, still in progress

As one of my friends commented – step aside, Churchill and Plato. Both philosophy and the English language have a new master.

TV Line’s summary.

“Alec almost got the role of Batman in 1989 but the part went to Michael Keaton because he actually had chemistry with Kim Basinger.”

Nikki Glaser to Robert DeNiro: ” “I can’t believe I get to share this stage with you. And by this stage, I mean the final stage of your life.”

Alec Baldwin to Blake Griffin: “You’re a remarkable man, Blake. I wish we were as close as your eyes are.”

Blake Griffin to Caitlyn Jenner: “Your gender reassignment surgery proved that no one in that family wants a white dick.”