Hillary Clinton bootylicious

And Slick Willie as well. Woohoo!

One more, without President Horndog.

All due credit to Hillary. If the Presidential election had a bathing suit competition like an old-fashioned beauty pageant, she’d be in the Oval Office now. You know you don’t want to see Trump in a speedo.

(You know every possible bad idea finds its way to the internet, like a site dedicated to Presidents in bathing suits. Sorry, no Taft!)

It’s weird to hear old guys who don’t understand tech at all try to tell a tech expert how his own company works.

Here’s a classic exchange:

LAMAR SMITH: You’ve never punished a Google employee for manipulating search results, is that right?

GOOGLE CEO SUNDAR PICHAI: It’s not even possible for an individual employee to do that.

SMITH: I disagree. I think humans can manipulate the process.

Now here’s the really good part – by bringing this matter up in a public forum, covered by every news site and many bloggers (even me), Smith just made it even MORE likely that a search for idiot will turn up a story about Trump – or about Lamar Smith! If a Google search for “idiot” should actually lead to Lamar Smith, the picture would certainly be convincing!

 

But here’s the really sad part: this simple, elderly fellow who can’t understand the very basic concepts behind a Google search, is (at least for a few more weeks) the chairman of the House Committee on Space, Science, and Technology!

Gee, I can’t imagine why American students keep falling farther behind the rest of the world in science.

At least Smith seemed alert enough to know who he was talking to. That’s an indication of genius by congressional standards. He seemed like Dr. Steven Hawking compared to Louis Gohmert, who complained to the CEO of Google about Wikipedia, or Steve King, who complained about Apple.

“Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company.”

Gohmert’s complaint at least sounded like something that really happened. In King’s case, he not only addressed his concerns to the wrong guy, but it was pretty obvious that he had totally fabricated his complaint, but was too tech-challenged to realize how transparent his lie was.

No problem. I prefer to do it by hand.

Uranus Examiner ends publication, blaming judgmental people.

Those people must be a bunch of assholes, although in all fairness, they are probably tired of being examined.

“Uranus is an unincorporated tourist spot along historic Route 66 and is known for quirky attractions, including a fudge shop.”

Don’t ask.

I just hope the name of the shop is Fudge From Uranus. I would order the shit out of that.

A display from The Satanic Temple-Chicago has been placed in the Statehouse rotunda, joining the Nativity scene to mark the Christmas season and the Menorah to mark Hanukkah.”

I’m not sure I see the point of this. The Christian and Jewish items are posted because this is a sacred season for them. So is this also a sacred time for Satan? You’d think it would be smarter to let the God people have December and then Satan could have January all his own. You would take down the Satan tree just in time for Black History Month.

Actually, I guess Satan would have October, and then the Prince of Darkness could use all the Halloween stuff for his iconography. But does Satan have any carols? No. C’mon get on the stick, satanists. You have a lot of catching up to do. I’ll start you off: I Saw Mommy Kissing Satan. (And I won’t tell you where her mouth was.)

Football players suspended from team for running naked with Oreos wedged in buttocks

If ever there was a fundamental human right …

UPDATE: from the comments section:

“Dark days are these indeed. We would do well to remember the Niemoller quote:
‘When they came for the men with Oreos up their asses, I said nothing because I did not have an Oreo up my ass …’”

“Bad Sex in Fiction Award: Haruki Murakami, James Frey and Gerard Woodward among all-male shortlist”

My favorite:

Major Victor Cornwall and Major Arthur St John Trevelyan, “Scoundrels: The Hunt for Hansclapp”

“Empty my tanks,” I’d begged breathlessly, as once more she began drawing me deep inside her pleasure cave. Her vaginal ratchet moved in concertina-like waves, slowly chugging my organ as a boa constrictor swallows its prey. Soon I was locked in, balls deep, ready to be ground down by the enamelled pepper mill within her.

I think the committee was hornswoggled on that one. I find it hard to believe that anyone could write that poorly unless they were intending to. It sure sounds like it was intended as a parody. If it is serious, it should be declared the winner by unanimous affirmation.