C’mon, how could he know that a slavery-themed wedding would come back to haunt him? He’s Canadian. How would he know that? Up there they rarely marry human women. Usually they just marry one of their sled dogs, and malamutes have absolutely no problem with slavery. OK, maybe huskies sometimes take offense, but that’s just how they roll.

Man, all of a sudden everybody is so anti-slavery this and anti-slavery that. Oh, sure it was a system that treated people as if they were barnyard animals, but what about all the “blessings of slavery.” Slaves or slave owners – “there were good people on both sides.”

Or as I might normally describe it:

Bill Clinton – usual shenanigans

Bubba says he was never on the island at all. Now Clinton, unlike Trump, will never just fabricate some total bullshit. Bubba’s go-to move is the old “parsing my words” trick, so you know he probably has some kind of sophistry up his proverbial sleeve. It’s probably some crap like this: “Yes, my shoes were on the island, but I never took them off while outdoors, so my body technically was not.”

Or he could be telling the truth.

Nah.

He’s back among the top ten players, as ranked by the highest batting averages in the majors. He’s a solid ninth, with a batting average of ….

ZERO.

image host

I just love early-season stats in general, but this one makes not the slightest bit of sense. Several of Albert’s teammates have as many or more plate appearances and decent batting averages, but they didn’t make the list. There must be some kink in ESPN’s algorithm.

By the way, I may have made this point before, but …

Through the 2012 season, Albert’s lifetime batting numbers were very similar to DiMaggio’s complete career. In fact, Albert’s were a hair better.

DiMaggio Pujols through 2012
AB 6821 6919
HITS 2214 2246
BA .325 .325
OBP .398 .414
SA .579 .608
2B + 3B 520 520
HR 361 475
R 1390 1376
RBI 1537 1434
OPS+ 155 168
MVP 3 3

Of course, their stats are no longer similar. DiMaggio quit after his first off year. Albert has kept playing long past his prime, so all of his percentage stats have declined as his counting stats have increased. If he stays moderately healthy this year, he will finish in the all-time top five in both doubles and homers. (He needs only 7 doubles and 4 homers.) He is already in the top five in RBI and extra base hits.

Ukraine Hostage Standoff Ends After President Agrees To Promote Joaquin Phoenix Film

It’s not widely known that terrorists and extremists are HUGE fans of Joaquin Phoenix, especially his youthful debut in SpaceCamp. He’s not their only favorite. For relaxation after a hard day of mindless slaughter, car-bombing and hostage-taking, they love to wind down with a Hugh Grant romcom.

Rudy re-tweets a wacky conspiracy theory about Ilhan Omar somehow being a terrorist four years before she was born.

Per AP, which originated the photo:

“A woman recruit of the Somali Army checks her automatic weapon at a military training campus at Halane, Mogadishu, on Feb. 25, 1978. On the right is her instructor. President Siad Barre said at a news conference that regular Somali military units have not yet been dispatched in the Ogaden region to avoid international complications. (AP Photo)”

Omar was born in 1982.


But this is not the way to do it. The proper way, as always, is Thunderdome. Hillary vs Roger Stone – two jerks enter, one jerk leaves. Tell me that wouldn’t get eighty million households signed on for the PPV! How about James Carville vs Devin Nunes? How about the Battle of the Rhyming Bills – Bill Maher vs Bill Barr? I would pay to watch them bouncing around in those bungee chairs and slashing each other to ribbons.

You might …

Kanye West Presidential Bid Seemingly Ends 10 Days After Announcement”

Or you might not …

There are other indications that he’s in. The AP reported: “Rap superstar Kanye West has qualified to appear on Oklahoma’s presidential ballot, the first state where he met the requirements before the filing deadline. A representative for West filed the necessary paperwork and paid the $35,000 filing Wednesday afternoon”

Needless to say, because you are reading it on Other Crap, somebody leaked the plan itself.

Or maybe that was his plan all along. Maybe he only told one guy that he had a top secret plan, knowing that if it leaked, that guy had to be a leaker. Oh, man, my head hurts more than that episode when Kirk tricked Mudd’s robots.

I mean NOBODY knew, not even Lincoln himself. I still don’t believe it.

Consider the evidence:

Beards: Karl Marx, Lenin, Lincoln
No beards: Reagan, Quayle, Nixon

It’s obvious – Abe was a commie!

Plus, his sobriquet was “Honest” Abe. That doesn’t sound very Republican to me. I never heard Stone and Trump called Honest Rog and Honest Don.



“Recently, a graphic designer from Moscow, Lenivko Kvadratjić, made a bold move by reimagining the iconic Simpsons family living their most miserable lives somewhere in Russia. The designer was born in Siberia in the late USSR and later moved to Moscow to get his degree. “The Simpsons has a great influence on me and people all over the world. Many famous persons made intros for The Simpsons. I always wanted to make some parody version too with my country’s local flavor included. So I made it one day”

I assume “Lenivko Kvadratjic” is a pseudonym that implies Lazy Square, which is the English name of his YouTube channel, in a sort of Slavic mash-up language. I’m not a scholar in the Slavic languages, but he seems to play around with several of them to give his work a generic Slavic feel. He’s Russian, but the credits and captions in his Simpsons parody seem to be in the Czech alphabet rather than Cyrillic. Lenivko is the actual Bulgarian word for “lazy,” but it’s recognizable to Russians as well because the very similar ленивый is the Russian equivalent. I think kvadratić or квадрат, or something very similar, is recognizable as “square” across the Slavic world.

No! Not the dreaded “notice”!

After being informed that they were already on notice, Dean Wormer placed the “KPOP” crowd on double secret notice.