Category: Nonsense

“Rep. Lauren Boebert is an American politician who is currently caught up in a scandal in which she was kicked out of a movie theatre for vaping, and also because her date was grabbing her boobs during the movie.”

She was attending the Beetlejuice stage show (not a movie, as quoted above), which is recommended for audiences aged 10 and older. To further amuse the kids in the crowd, as mentioned in some accounts of the incident, Boebert also opted to pat her date down, probably to make sure he wasn’t carrying any abortion pills in his pants. Either that or he had Burger King take-out in his lap, because it took her two hands to handle a whopper.

Two commenters noted:

• At least it’s good to know she can reach across the aisle.
• She was just singing along and tallying his banana.

The Denver Post said that, according to the theater staff, she was also taking flash photographs. The woman behind her said that Boebert took long videos of the performance. When the theater videos showed her using her camera, Boebert eventually admitted it, but claimed to be unaware that photography was forbidden.

Right, because they never mention that before a show.

As she was being booted from the theater and tossed into the street like a drunk getting kicked out of an old-time Western saloon, Boebert pulled out the ol’ “Do you know who I am?” trick, adding “I am on the board. I will be contacting the mayor.”

Here is the theater manager reacting in fear to that threat:

Ooooo – pretty scary, eh, kids?

The CCTV footage shows a blurred-out gesture that Boebert flashed at theater security as she was escorted out. Business Insider, with its typically insightful grasp of the obvious, concluded that the gesture appeared to be a middle finger.

Apparently unaware that Boebert was captured on security video, her spokesperson initially claimed that she was just singing and laughing too loud and just having too good a time. Boebert’s own first reaction, a tweet, followed the same narrative. Boebert also claimed initially that the alleged vaping was an illusion created by the show’s smoke machines. That was a lie. Here is a video in which she is clearly vaping. After the video emerged, exposing her original lie, she doubled down with an even less credible lie: “I genuinely did not recall vaping that evening.”

Forgot? She got into an argument with another patron about her vaping. When the pregnant woman asked Boebert to stop vaping, Boebert told her “no” point-blank. The woman says that Boebert, who had apparently not yet exhausted all of the possibilities for cartoon villainy, then called her a “sad and miserable person.” The article does not mention, but we can assume, that Boebert then tied the woman to a log as it headed into a sawmill.

It would be easy to have that slip your mind, so I’ve concluded that her memory lapse must be totally sincere, just as I believed Hedley Lamarr when he said he forget he was armed.

To be fair, I guess it’s possible that Boebert forgot the whole incident, depending on what was in that vape pen. Recreational marijuana is legal in Colorado.

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Semi-relevant sidebar from The Guardian:

“Her date, 46-year-old Quinn Gallagher, was a Democrat-supporting owner of a bar that hosts LGBTQ+ and drag events in the ski town of Aspen, Colorado. The events included a women’s party for Aspen Gay Ski Week and a Winter Wonderland Burlesque & Drag Show. Boebert has been an outspoken critic of drag shows.”

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I’ll bet that liberal dude was just ticking off the GILF box. Yup, that’s right. Boebert became a grandmother at 36!

Totally embarrassing bimbo. https://t.co/ivICye39FC

— Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) September 16, 2023

OK, Ann Coulter is totally right (words I never expected to type), but Boebert is in a special sub-group of totally embarrassing bimbos, those with nice gazongas. That makes her behavior acceptable. As the burning bush explained to Moses after giving him the ten commandments, “For yea and verily I say unto you, and it must be unto you since there is nobody else on this mountain top, that none of these rules apply to chicks with a great rack.”

The bush then continued, “Also, forget thy dress code for hot chicks when they cometh to swanky bullshit events.”

“Due to weather, go fuck yourself.”

Isn’t that message about equally applicable under any weather conditions?

Here is the sign uncensored

He was trying to “run to London,” but London was a long-shot, to say the least. There’s no telling where he might actually have drifted to. This is the fourth time he has attempted a voyage in such a contraption. The last time he was trying to go from Florida to New York – but simply washed ashore elsewhere in Florida, about thirty miles south of his launch point.

Of course he’s nuts and the Coast Guard saved his life, but I wonder what legal grounds they had to order him to stop his quixotic madness. He wasn’t just rescued, but was also arrested, although he was 70 miles off the coast when the CG intercepted him. Isn’t that out of their jurisdiction? Reading this made me realize that I don’t understand the first thing about maritime law.

“The hoax could mark the return of a Rogers Park prankster known for installing fake government signs and notices in public places.”

“Garments slated for production include shirts, pants, socks, and underwear, all of which are intended to be washable.”

The software that’s also softwear.

At last, we have electronic underpants, because the government needs to monitor my hard … ware.

Joker gets hosed by the judges after obviously besting the Hooded Hodad!

Life was simpler then.

Cesar Romero was 59 years old when he did this! Nothing in his career would have led one to believe that he’d be so uninhibited and hilarious as the Joker, although he did clown around a bit in Ocean’s 11 and some TV shows.

Back in the day, he starred as the Cisco Kid in a movie called “The Gay Caballero.” As the meaning of “gay” changed over the years, that title took on a second meaning, which apparently turned out to be appropriate.

Damn, what happened to patriotism? Why do they have to be foreign objects? To make America great again, we need to be sticking good old American objects up our asses, the way they did it in The Greatest Generation …

… and even before that, in the years that made America the mightiest country on the planet. General Patton would never be caught dead sticking a Mauser up his ass. It always was a good old, ivory-handled Colt .45, as the good lord intended.

On the other hand, Robert E. Lee always jammed Doctor Young’s Ideal Rectal Dilators up his ass, like a good patriot, but when the Confederacy became a separate nation, the Chicago-based product became a “foreign” object. Oh, the irony.

Actual headline: “Floridians should avoid wrestling armadillos unless necessary.”

Sometimes I even wrestle them over the state line in Georgia.

But still only when necessary.

Apart from the scientists’ opinions, I would suggest Prince Harry and Meghan, James Corden, all of the Kardashians except Kendall, and all of the “Real Housewives.”