He will now be able to devote his remaining life to the things that are really important to him, like Satan worship.

Joking aside, there’s no denying his influence. Say what you want, but the man re-made journalism and made a fortune in the process. The only debate involves whether that was a good thing.

Lesson be here, y’ scurvy dogs

The Bible, translated into pirate talk

Robert Newton not only brought Long John Silver (and what we conceive to be pirate-speak) to life, but he even died playing Long John Silver. Now that is commitment to a role.

That isn’t literally true, but it’s close to the truth. Some four or five years after Treasure Island left the theaters, he filmed 26 episodes of a TV series called The Adventures of Long John Silver. If you are curious, many if not all of the episodes are on YouTube in their entirety, and they were filmed in color, even though few people owned color TVs at the time. If Wikipedia has the dates right, Newton was alive when the series first aired in the USA from September of 1955 through early 1956, but had passed away before the series made it to the UK the following year.

“Rep. Lauren Boebert is an American politician who is currently caught up in a scandal in which she was kicked out of a movie theatre for vaping, and also because her date was grabbing her boobs during the movie.”

She was attending the Beetlejuice stage show (not a movie, as quoted above), which is recommended for audiences aged 10 and older. To further amuse the kids in the crowd, as mentioned in some accounts of the incident, Boebert also opted to pat her date down, probably to make sure he wasn’t carrying any abortion pills in his pants. Either that or he had Burger King take-out in his lap, because it took her two hands to handle a whopper.

Two commenters noted:

  • At least it’s good to know she can reach across the aisle.
  • She was just singing along and tallying his banana.

The Denver Post said that, according to the theater staff, she was also taking flash photographs. The woman behind her said that Boebert took long videos of the performance. When the theater videos showed her using her camera, Boebert eventually admitted it, but claimed to be unaware that photography was forbidden.

Right, because they never mention that before a show.

As she was being booted from the theater and tossed into the street like a drunk getting kicked out of an old-time Western saloon, Boebert pulled out the ol’ “Do you know who I am?” trick, adding “I am on the board. I will be contacting the mayor.”

Here is the theater manager reacting in fear to that threat:

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Ooooo – pretty scary, eh, kids?

The CCTV footage shows a blurred-out gesture that Boebert flashed at theater security as she was escorted out. Business Insider, with its typically insightful grasp of the obvious, concluded that the gesture appeared to be a middle finger.

Apparently unaware that Boebert was captured on security video, her spokesperson initially claimed that she was just singing and laughing too loud and just having too good a time. Boebert’s own first reaction, a tweet, followed the same narrative. Boebert also claimed initially that the alleged vaping was an illusion created by the show’s smoke machines. That was a lie. Here is a video in which she is clearly vaping. After the video emerged, exposing her original lie, she doubled down with an even less credible lie: “I genuinely did not recall vaping that evening.”

Forgot? She got into an argument with another patron about her vaping. When the pregnant woman asked Boebert to stop vaping, Boebert told her “no” point-blank. The woman says that Boebert, who had apparently not yet exhausted all of the possibilities for cartoon villainy, then called her a “sad and miserable person.” The article does not mention, but we can assume, that Boebert then tied the woman to a log as it headed into a sawmill.

It would be easy to have that slip your mind, so I’ve concluded that her memory lapse must be totally sincere, just as I believed Hedley Lamarr when he said he forget he was armed.

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To be fair, I guess it’s possible that Boebert forgot the whole incident, depending on what was in that vape pen. Recreational marijuana is legal in Colorado.


Semi-relevant sidebar from The Guardian:

“Her date, 46-year-old Quinn Gallagher, was a Democrat-supporting owner of a bar that hosts LGBTQ+ and drag events in the ski town of Aspen, Colorado. The events included a women’s party for Aspen Gay Ski Week and a Winter Wonderland Burlesque & Drag Show. Boebert has been an outspoken critic of drag shows.”


I’ll bet that liberal dude was just ticking off the GILF box. Yup, that’s right. Boebert became a grandmother at 36!

OK, Ann Coulter is totally right (words I never expected to type), but Boebert is in a special sub-group of totally embarrassing bimbos, those with nice gazongas. That makes her behavior acceptable. As the burning bush explained to Moses after giving him the ten commandments, “For yea and verily I say unto you, and it must be unto you since there is nobody else on this mountain top, that none of these rules apply to chicks with a great rack.”

The bush then continued, “Also, forget thy dress code for hot chicks when they cometh to swanky bullshit events.”

Brilliant, funny headline! (But no actual article. From the Onion.)

Here’s another:

Resilient Aaron Rodgers Vows To Return More Detached From Reality Than Ever

“In a way, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Although it sucks to be injured and not be out on the field with my teammates, it will give me time to reflect on the batshit things I believe in and maybe even detach from reality altogether.”

“Radical left-wing feminists in Chile with “ponytails inserted in their butts and performing dances” in commemoration of the 50th anniversary of the military coup against Salvador Allende.”

(In an event sometimes called “the other 9/11,” the USA backed the overthrow of Allende, a democratically elected Marxist, by a military coup. The Nixon administration wanted to prevent the spread of Communism during the Cold War.)

I don’t think the ponytails are actually in their butts, so the quote above kind of overhypes the protest. Nonetheless, the impact is approximately as promised – women in thongs or with bare butts, some waving strap-on ponytails. I assume they are anti-coup, but isn’t this counter-productive? After seeing the vid, I want to join the CIA and foment a military coup so more women will do this.

Thanks to laterals, five Cal runners managed to evade 155 Stanford defenders.


Time had expired in the 1982 game, and Stanford’s 144-piece marching band was so certain their boys had already won, that they were already doing their thing near the goal line. Cal’s 5th runner, Kevin Man, had to wend his way through the band to score the winning touchdown. Damndest thing you’ve ever seen!

He was trying to “run to London,” but London was a long-shot, to say the least. There’s no telling where he might actually have drifted to. This is the fourth time he has attempted a voyage in such a contraption. The last time he was trying to go from Florida to New York – but simply washed ashore elsewhere in Florida, about thirty miles south of his launch point.

Of course he’s nuts and the Coast Guard saved his life, but I wonder what legal grounds they had to order him to stop his quixotic madness. He wasn’t just rescued, but was also arrested, although he was 70 miles off the coast when the CG intercepted him. Isn’t that out of their jurisdiction? Reading this made me realize that I don’t understand the first thing about maritime law.

Joker gets hosed by the judges after obviously besting the Hooded Hodad!

Life was simpler then.

Cesar Romero was 59 years old when he did this! Nothing in his career would have led one to believe that he’d be so uninhibited and hilarious as the Joker, although he did clown around a bit in Ocean’s 11 and some TV shows.

Back in the day, he starred as the Cisco Kid in a movie called “The Gay Caballero.” As the meaning of “gay” changed over the years, that title took on a second meaning, which apparently turned out to be appropriate.

Damn, what happened to patriotism? Why do they have to be foreign objects? To make America great again, we need to be sticking good old American objects up our asses, the way they did it in The Greatest Generation …

… and even before that, in the years that made America the mightiest country on the planet. General Patton would never be caught dead sticking a Mauser up his ass. It always was a good old, ivory-handled Colt .45, as the good lord intended.

On the other hand, Robert E. Lee always jammed Doctor Young’s Ideal Rectal Dilators up his ass, like a good patriot, but when the Confederacy became a separate nation, the Chicago-based product became a “foreign” object. Oh, the irony.

He reported in Atlanta that he was 6’3″ and 215 pounds – almost exactly the same as the guy who plays the mighty Thor.

Yeah, they look similar.

I’m not as skeptical as most people about his current weight. (1) You can’t compare him to 30-year-old body-builders of the same height and weight. (2) He does look like he has lost weight recently. (3) He’s not 6’3″.

A-Rod is 6’3′. Here he is next to Trump.

Justin Trudeau is 6’2″. Here is Trump next to him

There are plenty of pics of Trump standing next to Obama and Vince McMahon, who are 6’1″ and exactly the same height as Trump.

So, given that he is actually only 6’1″ and seems to have lost a little weight, 215 is probably fairly close, despite the online scoffing. 215 pounds don’t distribute that well over an old guy who doesn’t exercise enough. (Believe me. I know this all too well.)

What is going on with the back of Mussolini’s head?

Former President Trump posted his mug shot on Twitter (now called X for some reason not really clear to me). It is the first time he has used his account since it was reinstated, making it his first tweet in two and a half years. Are they still called “tweets” or are they now “exes”? Twitter has changed the name of the button from “Tweet” to “Post.”

Who knew that the mug shot had an “inventor”? His name was Alphonse “Glaciale” Bertillon, which translates into English as Al “Frosty” Mug, who also founded the A&W Root Beer chain. Nah. Just fuckin’ witcha. But some mug named Alphonse Bertillon really is credited with creating the format.

“Mug” is an English slang term for “face,” dating from the 18th century, before the development of photography. According to my OED, when the term was first applied to photographs of criminals, it was a solo noun (without the “shot”), as in “He had his mug taken in fireman’s clothes.”

OED also lists these definitions of mug (as a noun):

1. “A stupid or incompetent person, a ‘muff’, ‘duffer’; a fool, simpleton; a card-sharper’s dupe.”
2. “A person, fellow, chap; spec. (a) a rough or ugly person; a criminal; (b) applied by criminals to someone who is not part of the underworld; (c) a policeman.”

It’s an interesting word, with many other meanings related to faces. As a verb, it means “to attack and rob,” as I’m sure you all know, but OED says it used to mean specifically to strike someone in the face, and the meaning morphed over time into a less specific form of attack. It can also mean “to make a face” in lowbrow comedy, as in “Milton Berle was always mugging for the camera.” It can also mean to put on facial make-up for the theater.


As opposed to other, comparable underworld-type slang, “mug” is not size-restricted. Galoots and lugs are always “big” (there’s no Disney film about the littlest galoot), but “mugs” can be any size, as in “I ran into some nasty little mug outside of Flanagan’s”

Dalton, he’s comin’ home.

You may or may not know him from rasslin’, but probably remember him as a character in the greatest film ever made.

“Wait,” you’re thinking, “Terry Funk was in The Godfather?”

C’mon, you know what I mean. Here’s a hint: “Pain don’t hurt.”

Although Terry could have kicked some ass in The Godfather.