So let me get this straight. Super-genius Elon Musk was going to send people to Mars, and now he’s going to create trailer parks?

Maybe he’s set his sights a little lower lately!

In case you missed it a few weeks back, the Electric Trailer Park was an elaborate April Fool’s joke. But, damn, a lot of RV enthusiasts thought it was an awesome idea!

To be honest, Elon might be better off developing the trailer park of the future. Some think Tesla stock is headed for free-fall (down 20% since Jan 17), as Tesla is restructuring its board, its output is failing to meet the delivery schedule, and Musk himself is trying to satisfy the SEC about his dubious use of Twitter.

It can be yours immediately for the low, low “buy it now” price of $2.95 million, plus $64.05 for shipping.

I’m not kidding about the $64.05. That is what it says.

You’d think they would throw in free shipping for a crummy 65 bucks if you belly up to the bar with nearly three million in your wallet.

The entry also notes that “Seller does not accept returns.”

By the way, scientists are not happy about this for many reasons, one of which being that they would like to study it to determine whether it is in fact a baby T-rex, or perhaps an adult member of a smaller related species.

“There is a silver lining here, in that the number of people willing to promote brands for free has significantly driven down the price of sponsored content, consequently reducing influencers’ ability to make a living off it. Hopefully this whole dumbass ouroboros will finish eating itself and we can all quietly forget about that weird half-decade when using things was a job.”

The original premise: people might promote Coke or Porsche or some other respectable product for free, to get cred. They hope that other advertisers will see that and think “Well, if Coke advertises on that site, it must be worthwhile.”

I admit that I didn’t know this was happening. Look for my Rolex ads soon.

(I’m just fuckin’ witcha. Rolex is a candy bar, right?)

Trump is not likely to worry about moral or legal obstacles, because he’s Trump, but financing is another matter.

I think he can find a fine historical precedent. When a country in the 20th century did not want to have unwanted minorities around, they shipped them elsewhere by boxcar.

That has to be economical. Just round ’em all up, load them in a single long train, destination San Francisco train station in Pelositown:

Everybody out – and good luck to all!

This would have the additional … er … benefit that illegal immigrants would find life in San Francisco delightful, and would write to the people back home telling them to join the fun!

———

Don’t tell Stephen Miller about this. He will not realize my suggestions are ironic. After he read Jonathan Swift, he Googled recipes to cook Catholic babies.

“The main event, however, wasn’t perfect. The crowd seemed to be tired after six-plus hours of action and the ending wasn’t well received by fans who didn’t know the ref was counting when Rousey was pinned by Lynch or if she was even pinned at all or if that was really the way it was supposed to go. It all just seemed odd.”

Twitter was not happy with this!

Wrestling insiders say: (1) the controversial finish was unplanned; (2) Rousey broke a hand during the match.

The show ran more than seven hours. Complete results.

The esteemed professor of medicine, Donald J. Trump, again settled the scientific debate.

In this case, there’s not even a debate. He just manufactured this from whole cloth, and it is wacky even by his own high standard of wackitude. “Cancer is not caused by noises of any kind. A power source that does cause many health problems, including cancer, is coal, an extremely dirty fuel Trump loves and has attempted to bolster.”

“You! You there!” he shouted to a boy on the street. “What day is this?”

The boy gave a puzzled look. “It’s Shatmas, sir.”

“Good! I haven’t missed it. Here, lad. There’s a big, juicy turkey of a Shatner movie on Netflix. Buy it and deliver it to my house.”

On this, the most sacred day of the Other Crap calendar, we honor the man who has given the world more bad acting, bad singing and “other crap” than anyone in history.

Here’s wishing you and yours a joyous Bill Shatner Birthday. Merry Shatmas to all, and to all a good night.

And to you, Bill Shatner, if you read this or even if you don’t, may you live in good health forever!