Rutgers opened the week as 41 point underdogs against THE Ohio State University.

41 points? Ouch! (73% of the bettors have taken Rutgers and the points, which have now plummeted to a mere 39.5 from the opening 41.)

Rutgers, the Big Ten’s perennial punching bag, actually started this season 3-0 against non-conference teams, including a 66-7 drubbing of Wagner, whatever that is. Can a football team schedule games against dead German composers? In that case, I’m impressed that Wagner scored a TD. At least he must put on a good halftime show. I wonder if they bothered playing the second half after the fat lady sang.

The Knights stayed within 17 last week against Iowa in their first conference game, but I suppose the ol’ Rutgers dream bubble is about to burst against THE.

Miami Dolphins fans set up a makeshift strip club in the parking lot before the game.

One wag tweeted: “Disgusting! Does anyone know when the next Miami home game is?”

Hey, it’s good to root in Miami. Outdoors at Lambeau we’re lucky to set up a makeshift igloo. I once saw some guys ice fishing in their truck bed.

And that was a pre-season game in August.

Because you just can’t shiver too many timbers, Jim-Lad.

I had no idea that “hornswoggle” was a pirate term. That seems like a dubious attribution to me. The only time I’ve ever heard it is in old westerns. Collins online says it is peculiar to American English, and Google’s N-Gram viewer shows no instances of the word having appeared in print before 1907.

… A Gucci from your Cucci!

Doc Johnson and Rose in Good Faith worked on this project for almost two years.”

This is a natural, as far as I can see, and I have become a self-proclaimed expert on this subject from watching a few minutes of one episode of Sex and the City. Based on what I have learned from that show, expensive shoes and dildos are a perfect natural pair because they are the only two things on earth that can actually make women climax.

Not true. The cops actually plugged her in a Reno shoot-out, after she shot a man just to see him die. She was that kind of decisive leader.

You know some people will believe this nonsense. USA Today actually handled it as a fact-check, and they probably needed to! Scoopy’s First Law of the Universe is this: No matter how stupid any idea is, there will be many people who believe it, and even take credit for it. Some people believe the world is flat, or that ice dancing is a sport. If Trump said that Queen Lizzie died in a gangland rumble with Hunter Biden and JFK Jr, probably 30% of Americans would believe it.

Far be it from me to debate Almighty Science or Almighty Headlines (the real culprit here, for oversimplifying the study’s conclusions), but I think the differentiation might not be in degree of motivation, but the target of that motivation. Yes, I would be just as motivated if I were stoned, but instead of being motivated to code the blog, drive to the store to get things I need, or solve some fun logic puzzles, I would be motivated to watch some comedies, eat some pizza and take a little nap, and I would probably be much happier than I am at a keyboard.

By the way, where would jokesters be without new studies? The studies, and the often errant headlines describing them, are the very lifeblood of humor for people like Seth Meyers (yes, and me).