Oh, not much:

seize control of the internet
declare martial law
make churches replace the face of Jesus with his own
make everyone wear their underwear on the outside

Usual stuff. Nothing to see here. Move along. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

(The real stuff is scarier than the shit I made up.)

Alabama contended only for one quarter. The yardage from scrimmage was remarkably even, 482-443, but Clemson had two big interceptions, and converted 10 of 15 third downs.

Major accomplishments:

Clemson became the first top-level college team to be undefeated with 15 or more wins since Penn went 15-0 in the 19th century.

Clemson became the first opponent to beat ‘Bama by more than 14 points in the Saban era (2007-present). The 28-point margin of victory was as much as the next two victory margins added together.

New York Film Critics Circle Awards

Just in passing, the host Chris Rock said he’s out as an Oscar host, and told audience member Steve Martin that HE should do it.

Steve Martin would be an OK choice. Steven Colbert would be OK. Jimmy Kimmel is quite good at it.

It might be good to break away from old white dudes. If you want diversity:

Melissa McCarthy would probably be good.
Neil Patrick Harris is good at award shows.
Lin-Manuel Miranda could be a fun choice.
Denzel Washington would be great if you give him a good writing staff. Who doesn’t love Denzel?

There are probably several more men and women that I’m just not thinking of at the moment. I think everyone is making this more newsworthy than it needs to be.

My own choice? I’m still all in on my favorite comedy team: Anthony Scaramucci and The Situation, or as I call them, Sitch and Mooch.

=============

Best Picture
Roma

Best Director
Alfonso Cuarón … ROMA

Best Screenplay
Paul Schrader … FIRST REFORMED

Best Actress
Regina Hall … SUPPORT THE GIRLS

Best Actor
Ethan Hawke … FIRST REFORMED

Best Supporting Actress
Regina King … IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK

Best Supporting Actor
Richard E. Grant … CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?

Best Cinematographer
Alfonso Cuarón … ROMA

Best Animated Film
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

————-

Their past winners do not track well as Oscar predictors, especially in recent years. Here are the best picture winners.

Trump claimed that former presidents have told him they should have built the border wall when they were in office. Needless to say, that was a total fabrication. You know that, I know it, Trump knows it, Mulvaney knows it, and everyone in the press knows it. So how does Mulvaney weasel out of it?

Bring back Scaramucci. The Mooch would have said, “Hey, he made that shit up to get you all worked up. Mission accomplished! Psych!” And then he would have done that thing where he pretends to extend his hand to shake yours, but instead just keeps raising the hand to smooth his hair.

Metacritic scores for Golden Globe Drama winners this decade:

Boyhood – 100
Moonlight – 99
12 Years a Slave – 96
The Social Network – 95
Three Billboards – 88
Argo – 86
The Descendants – 84
The Revenant – 76
Bohemian Rhapsody – 49

#GoldenGlobes

— Erik Anderson (@awards_watch) January 7, 2019

Although the top critics mostly hated Bohemiam Rhapsody, it’s a crowd pleaser. The IMDb voters absolutely love it (8.3).

This is an odd case of a film winning a top award despite having no real director.

She was probably expecting a softball game on Fox News.

Surprise!

“White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders attempted on Sunday morning to further the lie that thousands of terrorists have been stopped trying to cross the the southern border of the United States. Fox News’ Chris Wallace was ready.

———

Sanders: “We know that roughly, nearly 4,000 known or suspected terrorists come into our country illegally and we know that our most vulnerable point of entry is at our southern border.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Wallace said, stopping her there. “Because, I know the statistic. I didn’t know if you were going to use it, but I studied up on this. Do you know where those 4,000 people come—where they are captured? Airports.”

As Sanders replied, “Not always,” Wallace interjected and repeated, “Airports,” adding,“The state department says there hasn’t been any terrorists that they’ve found coming across the southern border with Mexico,” Wallace said.

“It’s by air, it’s by land, it’s by sea, it’s all of the above,” Sanders added, “but one thing that you’re forgetting is at the most vulnerable point of entry that we have into this country is our southern border. And we have to protect it.”

“But they’re not coming across the southern border, Sarah, they’re coming and they’re being stopped at airports,” Wallace said once again.

The Golden Globes’ nominees and winners

My takeaways:

1. I have never watched The Kominsky Method, but I guess I should take a look at it. I was impressed by both Barry and Kidding, but Kominsky beat them both.

2. If the HFPA lost Ricky Gervais’s phone number, they need to find it. That Samberg-Oh monologue was the most excruciating award show bore since Ellen Degeneres vacuumed around the Oscars. And if they can’t find Gervais, get anyone else, even the most boring showbiz people imaginable. How about Ben Stein, The Situation, Harrison Ford and Terrence Malick? Any of them would have been an improvement. Billy Crystal’s outdated schtick would have been better. Just about anyone would have been better.

OK, maybe not James Franco and Anne Hathaway .

Christian Bale was pretty funny in general, but he definitely hit a home run by thanking “satan” for inspiring him to play Dick Cheney.

It’s just so rare for Satan to get the credit he deserves!

To be honest, Dick Cheney’s proclivity for evil is not the main thing I remember about him. The impression that immediately comes to mind is that everything he ever said was utterly wrong. From bad predictions to outright lies to ridiculous claims, he was the absolute master. Trump may say more incorrect things, but that’s because of his sheer output. Trump is occasionally right about something, but Cheney pretty much batted 1.000.

And what a pair of balls he had. He would say “I never said that” right after a reporter would play a tape of him saying exactly that – verbatim.

When Darth Cheney left office, his approval rating stood at a astoundingly low 13 percent, which probably makes him the most despised person in history ever to hold the office of President or Vice-President of the USA. Even Aaron Burr would have to high-five him on that number.

Forget those offices. What American in history would poll below 13%? Perhaps Charles Manson or the Rosenbergs would be lower, but Cheney has a chance to be the most despised American never to be convicted of a major crime. They didn’t have polls in 1865, but I’d guess that John Wilkes Booth would have polled better than 13%.

I miss Hunter Thompson in many ways, but one of my greatest regrets is that Hunter will not be around to write a eulogy for Dick Cheney like the one he wrote for Dick Nixon. I don’t know of anybody alive who has a big enough pair of balls to publish something like that in a major media source.

The Chargers and Cowboys also advance.

Tough loss for the Bears. A winning field goal attempt hit the upright. I don’t much care for the Bears, but I’ve been there, and I know how they must feel.

It doesn’t get easier for this week’s winners. All four will be underdogs when they take on the four super teams next week. Opening lines:

Saints over Eagles by 9
Rams over Cowboys by 7
Patriots over Chargers by 5
Chiefs over Colts by 5